significant birthday

[penguinfan]

So last month it was my birthday, the one before a big significant #0. Had a meal for family. My brother and his fiancé were there and I mentioned that next years birthday was the big one and as it is going to fall on a Saturday I'm planning on throwing a big party. I don't really get on great with future sis in law. Always feel like she looks down her nose at me as I'm a single mum. Any hoo.... Fast forward to today and I've just received a save the date card for their wedding... For the date I want to throw my party on!!! Aibu to feel she has done this on purpose?? I'm really upset that my special birthday will now be overshadowed by their wedding!

Perhaps your DB and SIL will allow you to invite your bestie

I think we've established the OP isn't 10 DreamingofItaly

Also FWIW I said I don't think the OP can do or say anything to them even if she discovers they have lied about available dates. I just think she should do she knows if she's right or not and she should have her party a week before or after.

I'd suggest you book your party for during their honeymoon, so they can't come, and have a great time.

I think the Church thing is almost certainly a lie - as even the very picturesque local church (often in Movies) is not booked up for every date next year yet.

It would have been thoughtful though to include a note with the save the date card saying "we know you were thinking of a party, but it's the only date we could get".

I would have taken the text as a joke, but obvs her brother should have more idea about whether or not it was meant.

Also, the choices about date/venue aren't all SIl's, are they?

Why do some posters encourage others to act like dicks on threads like this?

This is people's real lives, not some drama for your entertainment.

The text was a stupid move OP. I understand you being disappointed but you have really lost any moral high ground you may have had.

Seriously people, stop suggesting a big boozey party the night before: if any family members turn up (given there's a wedding the next day) they will leave early and hardly drink. It will be embarrassing and upsetting for the op.

As, for the person who suggested a competing party on the day of the wedding: don't be so stupid that would be even worse.

Are you people deliberately trying to fuck things up for the op? It's the only explanation I can think of for these fucking stupid suggestions.

Paul it's just that you're intent on hammering your opinion to the OP and calling everyone who disagree with you "batshit crazy" and bring generally patronising. That's why I called you arrogant.

Paul is right.

Well of course OP, there's nothing to stop you having a party in the evening if you don't want family there.

But I'm right. You and others are behaving like whopping, teenage idiots.

OP your brother was never going to stick around to be a surrogate dad to your son. He was always going to go off and live his own life with a partner of his own choosing, possibly becoming a dad to his own kids. Your sil is not to blame for that.

Agree with Paul, don't have a party the night before or try to compete on the day. You're the one that will lose out.

ThroughThick given the significant birthday is clearly important to OP, DB/SIL may allow her to invite a guest; OP is a single mum and they may not be doing plus ones, you never know.

(And me saying I'm right is not arrogance. It's very basic common sense.)

Oh Paul here we go again.

Everyone thinks their opinion is right by default don't they?

Didn't we have some threads a while ago where the extremely odd OP was bemoaning the fact her brother's girlfriend was coming between them and ruining their close relationship etc? IIRC there was even a thread about making him choose whose birthday celebrations he would attend?

Paul- It goes like this.

Posters try to get OP to throw a party the same day or the night before.. cue loads of posters saying 'OMG, please keep us updated... how many days left now? Oh I can't wait!' and closer to the time they will get all excited to see how things play out.

When it goes tits up for the OP they will either not care or be scandalised on her behalf. They get their drama fix, not giving two flying fucks about the OP who has now upset half her family and herself.

It's like a real time Eastenders for them.

Suggesting the OP talks to her brother just isn't exciting enough.

Notreallysure

Your advice and those who agree with you simply are batshit crazy.

That is fact. On what planet is call the church, or throw a party the night before or on the same day rational sane advice?

I was going to say that you were being unreasonable, because booking a venue at such short notice must be difficult, and it's probably the only date they had free.

Then I read they hadn't booked anything yet, and unless that weekend is also en significant to them (ie. When they met), then you are not being unreasonable.

I'm intrigued to see what the response will be to,your message.

I think the problem here is OP's DB's lack of consideration/respect. Whether or not SIL has done this on purpose, DB should have called OP before save the date cards were sent and said "look, this is the only available date, we're sorry it clashes with your birthday, but hopefully you can come and enjoy the day with us and have your birthday party another time".
Agree that wedding trumps birthday, but DB has gone about this in a dickish way, and I think he knows it.

228

The response to the text was posted way back up the thread.

But your behaviour is dumb. Really dumb. I think nearly everyone probably agrees. Perhaps just go with the majority, eh? As in, the people acting like adults opposed to those acting like bitchy teenage girls trying to cause drama for their own amusement.

It's pathetic, sad and really quite embarrassing.

I'm with ollie.

I honestly envy those with decent enough families that they never get any of this shit and don't see it. OP, I think you're probably right.

If it's any consolation though, I celebrated my last significant birthday jointly with two friends. Our birthdays are spread over three months and we had the party in the middle. Next year, ten years on, we're doing the same thing again. So my actual birthday was just over a month after my party. We've lots of mutual friends so it worked really well, we shared costs and a great night was had by all.

It doesn't matter if your birthday party isn't on the exact date.

Have a good one! and wear white to the wedding, or at least a colour that will clash with her "theme"