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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report colleague for bullying/harassment even though I promised her I wouldn't?

367 replies

SandDancerSkye · 11/04/2016 23:42

Don't really want to out my career (and myself) but basically we are what is classed as a professional role. I have been qualified just 6 months. My supervisor has been qualified 20 years. In the past this woman has gone from been my best mate to calling me slow and lazy, back to being my best mate again and then laughing at me and slagging me off again. It came to a head when she phoned me and ranted at me down the phone about how I'd done everything wrong whilst she was sat with another colleague. It was embarrassing, demeaning and to be honest, really upsetting. And I don't get upset easy. I eventually spoke to her about it. She apologised, said she felt bad and promised she wouldn't do it again and would back off. For a while it was fine but now, 2 months later the "slow" comments are back, she's having a go at me every time she see's me eating my dinner (we have no set time for meals but all tend to eat around 4.30 - nobody else gets hassle, just me) and today I was absolutely livid. I'd just completed a job which I thought I'd done ok on and other colleagues said I'd done great on - she came in ranting and raving at me in front of other staff members (most of which I am senior to), another qualified colleague and a student. I was mortified. Even if I'd done something wrong I could have accepted it and put it right but she was like a dog with a bone - wouldn't let it go, raved on for ages in front of everyone to the point where other staff members left the building and basically just made me look a twat. She then started raving on about how she'd left an important job with "SOMEONE" (whilst nodding in my direction) and that "SOMEONE" never did it. It was Blatent she meant me, so much so that another colleague said "oh dear sand dancer, wonder who that "someone" is and tried to make a joke of it. Everyone left thinking she was on about me (just how she intended) and when they all left she admitted she knew it wasn't me!!! So why try and make everyone believe it was?? She eventually fucked off and left me alone in the office and I ended up crying. And I'm NOT an emotional person. And THEN she called me from somewhere else and had a go at me over the phone in front of other staff members about something else and I could hear her laughing about me to them in the background.

Anyway before we came home, once everyone else had left she came over and asked if we were still friends whilst laughing. I started crying (for fucks sake) and she made out she hadn't realised I was upset, admitted she was out of order to rant at me in front of everyone and apologised whilst adding "are you going to report me to manager?". She's panicking because she's been accused of bullying twice before in other jobs and one more would prob finish her off. She started crying going on about how she was on antidepressants and thinks she needs time off work etc and I told her it was ok and I wouldn't report it. Yet I've come home and done nothing but cry all night. I'm fucking livid. I look like an incompetent twat in front of everyone now, the student won't know what the hell to say to me tomorrow (although before she left tonight she asked if I was ok and said I'd handled it well!! So I know other people thought she was out of order) and to be honest, I feel like a nervous wreck that doesn't want to do any jobs at work alone in fear of being screamed at.

I told her I wouldn't report her. But the more I think about it the more upset and angry I am. AIBU to report her tomorrow?

OP posts:
Inkanta · 12/04/2016 20:01

I would consider taking some time out and sick leave. It is very hard to think straight in such a stressful workplace like that. Look after yourself.

MrsMainwaring · 12/04/2016 20:04

Having read whatsmyusername has said she really is correct
May not have come across like that but all she is saying is stay calm and factual

Inkanta · 12/04/2016 20:04

If if take time off I would also make a request for no phone calls or emails from the bully (or managers).

MrsMainwaring · 12/04/2016 20:05

MTA good luck OP

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 12/04/2016 20:12

Hope you've reported her. Your work should take this seriously.

bonnie1981 · 12/04/2016 20:28

hope you reported it and something will be done

SandDancerSkye · 12/04/2016 20:30

Thanks again for all the messages. Well I got to work only to be told she'd fallen whilst out on a job and was sat in A&E causing havoc in there drawing attention to herself and basically being a pain in the arse! She's sprained her ankle and will b off work for a few weeks thank god! I text DH to tell him the good news with a little comment about karma and he's saying I'm being spiteful and out of order!!!! I was up all fucking night crying and he's more concerned about her!! I sometimes wonder who my friends and enemies are to be honest.

OP posts:
Catvsworld · 12/04/2016 20:31

Report her but your a arse for promising to cover it up

SandDancerSkye · 12/04/2016 20:32

Also, another colleague pulled me aside today and said last nights behaviour was outright bullying and harassment and she said she was considering going to manager and reporting it herself. I've not t yet because of what's happened but I'm creating a diary and I have witnesses on standby.

OP posts:
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 12/04/2016 20:33

OP, you shoild report her in her absence. It really makes not a jot of difference.

Groovee · 12/04/2016 20:33

Oh Sand Thanks your dh needs a slap. And I agree karma and all that X

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 12/04/2016 20:33

should*

Goingtobeawesome · 12/04/2016 20:34

I doubt she really fell..

trixymalixy · 12/04/2016 20:36

Please report her. Do it now while it's fresh in everyone's memory.

Only1scoop · 12/04/2016 20:36

Op still report.

Marynary · 12/04/2016 20:37

I think that you should report it anyway especially if your colleagues are willing to back you up.

WonderingAspie · 12/04/2016 20:39

Convenient that. So she 'falls' and manages to get off work for a few weeks for a sprained ankle. Why would you need any time off for a sprained ankle unless you are an athlete!

Go ahead and report her ASAP. She knows she's in the shit, hence the sprained ankle and being off bullshit.

bettyberry · 12/04/2016 20:39

saying its karma over a sprained ankle isn't spiteful. If she'd been hit by a car fair enough.

Also - I doubt it will be a couple of weeks off. Probably only 2-3 days unless work insists on the 2 weeks rest.

StableYard · 12/04/2016 20:39

You and your colleaugue need to report her now whilst everything is "fresh" in your minds and you are both still emotionally reeling from her.

Once she has been away a while you will all relax and start thinking "oh, she wasnt so bad" and not report her.

When she returns it won't be long till she is back to her usual ways.

If you are going to put in a complaint, then you really need to do it now whilst you have other's there supporting you and you them.

Your "D"H is an arse.

bettyberry · 12/04/2016 20:40
  • if she'd been hit by a car yes it would be spiteful and his response is fair enough.

half my post went Blush

GigotdAgneau · 12/04/2016 20:42

Please report it tomorrow, SandDancer. The fact she's hurt herself is neither here nor there. If it is so obvious that another of your colleagues is thinking of reporting it, you clearly have cause to report it yourself, sooner rather than later.

DinosaursRoar · 12/04/2016 20:42

You need to report it now - get yoru colleague to do so too. If you wait until she's back and being a bitch again, your moment about this situation will have passed, and next time you might not have a handy witness.

You are not at school worrying about being a 'tell tale' - she's proven herself unable to act in a professional manner, it is not your job to protect her from concequences of her actions.

LaContessaDiPlump · 12/04/2016 20:43

Your H is being a twat. Report!!

Idefix · 12/04/2016 20:45

Please report this op. I am also a bit dubious about this sprained ankle although karma is cool with me

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 12/04/2016 20:46

I haven't read the whole thread but being off sick seems like a convenient cover for your colleague. I'd be setting the ball rolling. She reminds me of someone I once had problems with in primary school. Do you honestly thing she'd do you any kind of favour, let alone on this scale?

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