Argh stupid pointless lie. I'm such a dick!

[Namechangeohnamechange]

Name changed for this because I feel like such a twat but I'm a regular I promise.

Bumped into a guy I've known for a few years today when out for a walk with the dc. Closer to an acquaintance than a friend but have always really liked him.

Anyway we were chatting and he was admiring my dc and he then told me that him and his wife were going through IVF. I don't know what on earth came over me, but next thing I knew I was pointing at DD1 and telling him that she was an IVF baby. She absolutely was not an IVF baby. In fact she was pretty much the opposite.

I know, it was totally stupid. And I don't know why I did it. He just looked so stressed out and sad I think I wanted to give him a positive story and also I've always thought that one of the hardest things about infertility must be the feeling that everyone else around you is getting pregnant without any trouble so I wanted to give him some solidarity.

Anyway. He then said that his wife was struggling a lot and would I have a coffee with her to talk about my experience and raise her spirits. He said he was sure she would love to talk to me about it all as they don't know anyone else that has gone through it. Next thing he was whipping out his phone to make sure he had my number and we went out separate ways.

So fuckity fuck what on earth do I do now to make sure this doesn't get any worse. I reckon these are my options, would greatly appreciate opinions. I don't really like any of them.

1. Come clean and tell him it was a lie I invented to cheer him up. Not that keen on this option as I will look really bad (and slightly crazy) and can't imagine it will make him feel great.

2. Go for the coffee and continue the lie. But that would be awful, no?

3. Text him and tell him that on second thoughts I'd rather not meet up because I find it difficult to talk about still. But that feels selfish.

The other thought making me shit myself is what if he mentions it to someone else we both know. Like, Oh I didn't know Mr and Mrs Namechangeohnamechange had had IVF. And they are like, Um no they didn't.

I'm in a right mess aren't I?

I'm thinking what my DB and SIL what say (currently undergoing IVF) on the one hand SIL is quite private so possibly wouldn't like random acquaintances "giving her hope".

I think she would also either have little tolerance with a lie (she works really hard some weekends and evenings etc) or she'd just say and say but never mind and avoid them.

I personally feel OP if you do bump into them after this episode they'll always see you as that weirdo who lied, it's not even a white lie and to be honest it's cruel. Even me, who is known for foot in mouth problems at best of times would never tell this sort of lie to people who are obviously holding out for some sort of hope and clutching at straws for any positive outcomes.

Having said that I'm sure (in MN land this always happens) things will be fine and you'll be having future play dates with them and their IVF baby.

You're doing the right thing.
It doesn't matter what they think of you, tbh. You don't know her at all & you're just an acquaintance of his - you can just send the text and put it out of your head.

Worst case, they think you're a prick and don't contact you.
What would be much, much worse is the possible different outcomes of perpetuating the lie.

It will be tomorrow's gossip, then yesterday's chip wrapping.
I wouldn't give it another thought afterward.

On thinking I'd fess up - if feel that you were being really sweet if I was the friend whose wife was having IVF.

Agree with Bo.
Well done OP I think that was the right thing to do for all concerned. Margie's text was really good.

Well done op. I think you've done a really brave thing. It's ok to admit to not being perfect. It shows a high level of maturity and respect for yourself.

I think admitting that lie was the best way forward, regardless of how your friend and his wife process it, it is still better than perpetuating the lie.

I just heard back!

He said, "Hi. That's a strange thing to make up! Do you think you should seek help? Seriously though, no harm done. Had not mentioned it to DW yet, we have an important appointment coming up so I was going to see how that went first. Great running into you. Hopefully next time we'll have some good news to share, and you won't tell any more outrageous lies :)"

Massively relieved!! I think that is pretty much as good a response as I could have hoped for.

And yes, I am going to try to learn from this!

There you go...and don't you feel better for having faced it properly?

He sounds really nice...and so do you. Keep that people-pleasing chat in check ok?

Fantastic. Well done! See he's even made a little joke. I would send a text back something like: "Thank you for being so understanding. I really wish you will have some great news too. I am working on engaging my brain before my mouth. It was great running into you too."

Excellent.

This is why being upfront so often works out for the best!

Now - send a text wishing them well and remember to engage your brain before your mouth next time you feel a bit awkward!

Well done for coming clean and great reply from the guy.

awwwww

I sort of love everyone in this story

sorry. I know it's not an actual story

but you know what I mean

well done everyone

I would advise OP the next time you see them or have anything to do with them no more strangeness at all. You never know if the DH may mention this to his wife anyway and you really don't want to be known as strange or a liar. I think you got away with it being an acquaintance and also previous nice behaviour.

I would also (but hopefully you've learned from this) be careful about overtalking/embellishing tales in the future sometimes silence is the best policy.

He sounds really nice and understanding. You were lucky, OP!

Well done!
Glad it was received like that too.
You absolutely did the right thing - you can just forget about it now.

Oh that's good
Also good that you did it right away before he told her.

Ahh, well done! I'm glad it worked out. He sounds like a nice guy and you must feel better for having extricated yourself.

And Pictish - my text was basically the same as yours, we obviously think along the same lines.

That's a great result.

OP, I'm curious if you occasionally tell fibs or white lies to other people or was this a bizarre one off.

What a nice bloke! Glad you 'came clean' but I totally get how you got in that position, you were only trying to be nice and luckily he got that so no harm done!

Hooray-really pleased it worked out ok op.

What a lovely bloke.

Very happy for you. That was your number one choice right from the start and it was absolutely the right thing to do. I bet you are glad that's all over.

for you now, Op.

Could you pretend the child you had with you IS an IVF baby, but isn't YOUR IVF baby? I realise this is more lying - and my initial reaction is that you have to come clean and take the hit - however, it could be a solution... you text and say 'lovely to bump in to you today when I was with my niece/friend's daughter. I realised as I walked away that you probably thought she was my child, hence hoping I could chat to your wife. I'm so sorry to have caused any misunderstanding and wish you all the very best with your IVF, and hope it is a success very soon.'

I do think though that honesty is the very best course of action in the long-term and you should text sooner rather than later along the lines of 'nice to see you and chat today. I'm so sorry for your difficulty starting a family and because you were upset I tried to make you feel better by saying my child was conceived via IVF. She wasn't - It was a split second thing, to try and encourage you and I am so, so sorry to have lied and mis-led you. I sincerely wish you every success with treatment.'