Argh stupid pointless lie. I'm such a dick!

[Namechangeohnamechange]

Name changed for this because I feel like such a twat but I'm a regular I promise.

Bumped into a guy I've known for a few years today when out for a walk with the dc. Closer to an acquaintance than a friend but have always really liked him.

Anyway we were chatting and he was admiring my dc and he then told me that him and his wife were going through IVF. I don't know what on earth came over me, but next thing I knew I was pointing at DD1 and telling him that she was an IVF baby. She absolutely was not an IVF baby. In fact she was pretty much the opposite.

I know, it was totally stupid. And I don't know why I did it. He just looked so stressed out and sad I think I wanted to give him a positive story and also I've always thought that one of the hardest things about infertility must be the feeling that everyone else around you is getting pregnant without any trouble so I wanted to give him some solidarity.

Anyway. He then said that his wife was struggling a lot and would I have a coffee with her to talk about my experience and raise her spirits. He said he was sure she would love to talk to me about it all as they don't know anyone else that has gone through it. Next thing he was whipping out his phone to make sure he had my number and we went out separate ways.

So fuckity fuck what on earth do I do now to make sure this doesn't get any worse. I reckon these are my options, would greatly appreciate opinions. I don't really like any of them.

1. Come clean and tell him it was a lie I invented to cheer him up. Not that keen on this option as I will look really bad (and slightly crazy) and can't imagine it will make him feel great.

2. Go for the coffee and continue the lie. But that would be awful, no?

3. Text him and tell him that on second thoughts I'd rather not meet up because I find it difficult to talk about still. But that feels selfish.

The other thought making me shit myself is what if he mentions it to someone else we both know. Like, Oh I didn't know Mr and Mrs Namechangeohnamechange had had IVF. And they are like, Um no they didn't.

I'm in a right mess aren't I?

You're a bit late to the party daisy! How about reading the thread next time (or at least the op's posts)? Situation is already resolved.

My cheeks are actually burning for you. Well done for coming clean

Oops, thanks for the head's up Purple! I'm sorry, I read most of the thread and was getting a bit tired!

Well done for fessing up OP - totally the right thing to do.

I'm glad to hear there's a happy ending to this thread. Not least because it's exactly the kind of bollocks I can see myself coming out with - you are not alone OP. It's a horrible compulsion to please people / try and fit in. I'm not the most socially competent of people and I envy those kind of people who are able to converse easily with anyone and everyone and always find something in common. I don't believe it was malicious. Just ill judged.

Yay! Was hoping you'd pick option one and his reply is great. You both sound like lovely people and I can see you were only trying to help. As dumbass as it was

I've done ivf twice and Tbh am fairly sure I'd have found this funny. I may have been a little disappointed that you couldn't after all share and relate, but I'd have got that your intentions were honourable and would much prefer honesty to continuing an outright lie!

Glad it all worked out in the end for you OP and let this be a lesson to you! However does nobody else think it a bit off on the bloke's part that he told a fairly vague acquaintance he bumped into in the street that he and his wife were having IVF?

If I had been the wife and he'd come home and told me this I would have been livid that he had revealed private details about us like that. I think you BOTH have a problem with your mouths running away with you .

I should know, as am 20 weeks pregnant with an actual, genuine IVF baby.

He thinks that you are a nutcase. Read between the lines.
He is probably thinking, I hope I never run into you.
At least it all worked out for the best though

Yes, I agree. He was very gracious about it (how else could he react, really) but he suggested you need help. I'd imagine that easn't entirely a joke.

I agree greengarden - that's the kind of message I'd send if the friendship was over.

Well, you couldn't have asked for a more dignified reply from him.

Honesty is the best policy

I hope you will learn from this experience. Sounds like you got away with it this time, but many people wouldn't have been so understanding

Sorry haven't rtft, you are going to look a nutter if you fess up. If she texts how about saying you were beginning to look into ivf when you fell pregnant? And hadn't realised he had misunderstood you. Then offer the links to organisations you found helpful. Only drawback is if she doesn't text you spend the rest of your life wondering if they've spread your 'secret' about!

Phew, just read the whole thread. Glad you came clean and all is now well. I hope it all works out for your friends.

I know, I'm really lucky he was so nice about it. I'm also really grateful to everyone here that steered me in the right direction!

Haha yeah normal would be a safe avoiding for years, change number (safe card no1).
More creative solution if you want to be friends is to find someone been thru IVF n ask for help. Maybe you could tell her story n still telling a truth, just not yours ;) n ofc keep it a secret. But only if you wanna be a true friend....to his wife.

Good luck! Funny social drama

Tell the truth, tell him why you said it, tell him you're sorry. You'll just have to deal with the consequences but it would be completely wrong to lie to a couple who have obviously been trying for ages and are now going through their last chance. Don't lie about it being too hard to talk about, you don't know what's damage that will do. Suck it up and tell the truth.

That's exactly what I did agent, it's all resolved now. Read up the thread a little

You're a fucking idiot!

But a well meaning one 😊

I'm glad it ended ok for everyone involved & I hope they do have some good news soon, he sounds lovely.

I think you might want to tell him m that you got a bit carried away because you felt so much empathy / sympathy - and that in fact after a while trying you were only really talking to the doctor about potential IVF but in the end it wasn't necessary. But it kind of just popped out in the emotion of the moment when it fact that wasn't quite right. This probably works only if you didn't go into too much detail when chatting with him and it was just a passing comment.

You were trying to be nice and this has all come from a good place so don't feel bad. I'm sure he will understand. There are lots of IVF success stories so why don't you explain it in the above terms and then ask around or gather some research together, meet her for a coffee and listen to her concerns. I'm sure they will see you are just trying to be as supportive as possible. I think you want to say and do something that draws a line under this and then you can forget about it. Good luck.

glad it worked out - hopefully you meet soon and it will be even easier face to face when he realises it was just your mouth running away with you.

Just realised its all resolved! Sorry and ignore me!!

I agree with bird. Or change it to say you had started considering IVF but then it happened naturally. This also gives them hope. My sis told us all she was going for IVF then conceived. So people still get confused.

Whatever you do, do not carry on with the lie. We live in a small world. They might ask you to refer them to your Dr or ask questions you can't answer

Hi... If you are really stuck there is option 4... I went through ivf but then we ended up adopting... But I certainly don't mind speaking to your friends wife.... You can make up an excuse that you find it difficult to talk about but know someone else..etc etc.... I understand his hard it is to find the right person to talk about this topic..... It is an arduous process and very very emotional....

OP you are an absolute bloomin star! That is exactly the kind of bonkers thing I would say to try and make someone feel better, and fessing up was really the only option that would leave you able to sleep easy ;-) So pleased it ended well. I will try and emulate you next time I do something this daft.

Well done for fessing up!

I used to do this kind of thing a lot when I was younger (I mean like when I was lates teens/ 20 ish rather than when I was 4). I honestly don't know why and it used to cause me great distress. I trained myself out of it.

Liska, I'm so glad someone else thought so! I was reading everyone bollocking the OP with a kind of comprehending horror because this is EXACTLY the kind of stupid, stupid thing I'd do. that horrible, horrible moment when you want to help but you don't have the foggiest idea what to say…

OTOH, if I was on the other end, at least I really would understand what possessed someone to say it. :)

glad it all worked out, OP.