Argh stupid pointless lie. I'm such a dick!

[Namechangeohnamechange]

Name changed for this because I feel like such a twat but I'm a regular I promise.

Bumped into a guy I've known for a few years today when out for a walk with the dc. Closer to an acquaintance than a friend but have always really liked him.

Anyway we were chatting and he was admiring my dc and he then told me that him and his wife were going through IVF. I don't know what on earth came over me, but next thing I knew I was pointing at DD1 and telling him that she was an IVF baby. She absolutely was not an IVF baby. In fact she was pretty much the opposite.

I know, it was totally stupid. And I don't know why I did it. He just looked so stressed out and sad I think I wanted to give him a positive story and also I've always thought that one of the hardest things about infertility must be the feeling that everyone else around you is getting pregnant without any trouble so I wanted to give him some solidarity.

Anyway. He then said that his wife was struggling a lot and would I have a coffee with her to talk about my experience and raise her spirits. He said he was sure she would love to talk to me about it all as they don't know anyone else that has gone through it. Next thing he was whipping out his phone to make sure he had my number and we went out separate ways.

So fuckity fuck what on earth do I do now to make sure this doesn't get any worse. I reckon these are my options, would greatly appreciate opinions. I don't really like any of them.

1. Come clean and tell him it was a lie I invented to cheer him up. Not that keen on this option as I will look really bad (and slightly crazy) and can't imagine it will make him feel great.
   
   
2. Go for the coffee and continue the lie. But that would be awful, no?
   
   
3. Text him and tell him that on second thoughts I'd rather not meet up because I find it difficult to talk about still. But that feels selfish.
   
   The other thought making me shit myself is what if he mentions it to someone else we both know. Like, Oh I didn't know Mr and Mrs Namechangeohnamechange had had IVF. And they are like, Um no they didn't.
   
   I'm in a right mess aren't I?

[StelAnn]

I also think you were coming from a really good place: you really like him, you have a sort of survivors guilt thing going on where you got preg naturally and he didn't and you desp wanted to help him feel better. That's just human and lovely even if you took the mad step of lying about your own experience. I think people generally should be more up for talking about their own mad moments - we all have them, truly we do. That's why there's so much interest in this post

[Helencandy28]

Go for number 3.

[Yeahsure]

READ THE THREAD PEOPLE - OP HAS RESOLVED THE SITUATION!

[WhoaCadburys]

You could say you accidentally gave the wrong impression and you were too embarrassed to correct him.

^^ you have to say this. OP that takes people pleasing to a whole new level

[WhoaCadburys]

Hahahahahahahahah - just caught up. OP, you are a massive tool

[Goingtobeawesome]

If people read so far as to see the - read the thread it's been resolved comments, they will have read the whole thread..

[lorilobs]

Confess.
You'll feel better after.

[BabyGanoush]

I think his reply made him sound like a really nice bloke, so you did the right thing

[Saramel]

Yeah sure: READ THE THREAD PEOPLE - OP HAS RESOLVED THE SITUATION!

Do you know something, I am tempted to write your user name as a response. I'm afraid I can't help feeling a little cynical where OP is concerned. I hope I am wrong. There are people on here who saying we must have led very perfect lives if we can't understand how you could blurt out something like this. Nope, I've embellished things to make it sound funny or bigger than it actually is (and regretted it sometimes) but this goes way beyond that. There are times when I have let someone make an assumption when they have misunderstood me because I don't want to make them feel stupid. I always try to see things from the other person's point of view but no, on this occasion, this goes beyond the casual faux pas. www.mumsnet.com/emo/te/11.gif.pagespeed.ce.w3SwuqwArR.gif

[impossible]

Do you know anyone who is going through IVF - or has in the past - and would be willing to talk to your friend's wife? You could then pass on details and bluff your way out of the situation. Otherwise perhaps find helpline / support group details you could refer her to - then be generally unavailable (or explain there was a misunderstanding).

[SurroMummy13]

Tell him you lied.

Deal with the consequences.

[impossible]

Just realised you've resolved it (such a lot to scroll through). Well done! Do think though if you might know someone who' could hook up and give her some support.

[mrsjskelton]

Oh dear it's definitely an "eat your words" comment. I think number 3 is the least damaging! Good luck!

[mrsjskelton]

Oops! Note to self... Read the bloody thread!

[Piwi1625]

Oh Lord! Go for number 4 change your number! If you say that you lied you will look unhinged!

[elfycat]

So glad to see this resolved (busy evening here so couldn't MN) and to the best result that was possible.

So OP are you going to 'out' your MN name..? I've been trying to guess if you are one of the more accident/disaster prone posters...

if not may I have a pm please? I'm really good at secrets

[WhoaCadburys]

^^ so am I!

[KittenOfWoe]

Phew!!! As a fellow motormouth I was cringing for you, I'm really glad you resolved this as best as possible.

[itsjustjayne]

Lol....the times I've said things I shouldn't haf...but I'd go fr 3...+ try to avoid them

[itsjustjayne]

• oops gona take ages to find the thread ...can someone tell me what happend lol...

[Piwi1625]

That sounds perfect!

[Namechangeohnamechange]

Hmm elfy think I might remain anonymous on this one!

[Drbint]

on this occasion, this goes beyond the casual faux pas

Agreed. Fertility treatment is a devastating process for so many people. I just cannot get my head around this one because it's so far from an 'oops' (and I've made far too many of those). To find out you'd lied about something that personal and distressing, that you'd decided to spin me a fairy-tale to 'give me hope', would be heart-breaking. I can't understand how anyone thinks this is funny - not surprising given I had fertility problems, but from some of his text, I don't think the husband found you amusing or very nice either after that. I certainly can't imagine he wants you anywhere near his wife. You're lucky he was nice about it. I'd have ripped you a new one.

[Namechangeohnamechange]

I know drbint, I was extremely lucky. I was not expecting him to be half so gracious about it.

I would just like to be clear though that while there have been a few people on here saying they thought it was a funny story that was absolutely not my intention in starting the thread, it's not that I thought it was funny myself and was doing a "everyone come and have a laugh at the dumbass thing I did today" sort of thread. I knew as soon as I said it that it was awful and I came on here to seek advice for how to remedy it.

[CrackerChops]

I'm glad you managed to sort it out, and I must admit I found the whole thread hilarious, because I've dropped some clangers in my time