Argh stupid pointless lie. I'm such a dick!

[Namechangeohnamechange]

Name changed for this because I feel like such a twat but I'm a regular I promise.

Bumped into a guy I've known for a few years today when out for a walk with the dc. Closer to an acquaintance than a friend but have always really liked him.

Anyway we were chatting and he was admiring my dc and he then told me that him and his wife were going through IVF. I don't know what on earth came over me, but next thing I knew I was pointing at DD1 and telling him that she was an IVF baby. She absolutely was not an IVF baby. In fact she was pretty much the opposite.

I know, it was totally stupid. And I don't know why I did it. He just looked so stressed out and sad I think I wanted to give him a positive story and also I've always thought that one of the hardest things about infertility must be the feeling that everyone else around you is getting pregnant without any trouble so I wanted to give him some solidarity.

Anyway. He then said that his wife was struggling a lot and would I have a coffee with her to talk about my experience and raise her spirits. He said he was sure she would love to talk to me about it all as they don't know anyone else that has gone through it. Next thing he was whipping out his phone to make sure he had my number and we went out separate ways.

So fuckity fuck what on earth do I do now to make sure this doesn't get any worse. I reckon these are my options, would greatly appreciate opinions. I don't really like any of them.

1. Come clean and tell him it was a lie I invented to cheer him up. Not that keen on this option as I will look really bad (and slightly crazy) and can't imagine it will make him feel great.
   
   
2. Go for the coffee and continue the lie. But that would be awful, no?
   
   
3. Text him and tell him that on second thoughts I'd rather not meet up because I find it difficult to talk about still. But that feels selfish.
   
   The other thought making me shit myself is what if he mentions it to someone else we both know. Like, Oh I didn't know Mr and Mrs Namechangeohnamechange had had IVF. And they are like, Um no they didn't.
   
   I'm in a right mess aren't I?

[Brightside65]

3

Just say it was lovely to see him and wish him and his partner all the best but you'd rather not meet as you don't feel like you want to talk about your situation as everybody's is different.

When he responds I'd also say it to as very unlike you to tell someone outright your child was IVF as its not something you shared with al friends and family - that'll make it clear it's not something you want shared

[Jinglebells99]

I think it's only going to get worse if you don't confess you lied. Seemed like every second person I met, had successful ivf, when I was at that stage, and st least three of them went on to have a second child with no help.

[BirdInTheRoom]

I wouldn't tell the truth - you'll look like a nutter! (Sorry )

[Crabbitface]

Honestly. .. i think it needs to be number 1. Only because these things tend to grow arms and legs. .... like for example, like when their IVF is a success and at their babies christening they make a speech about how they couldn't have gone through it all without the support of amazing friend NameChange who so generously shared her own experiences. ... then mutual friends and potentially Mr NameChange are all going WTAF?? Or something like that. ... eek! I am rubbish at lies...they kill me. .. i last about a minute and then i have to confess.

[MuddhaOfSuburbia]

1

anything else will unravel completely

(I'm SURE I've done something like this but must have buried it really far down)

[EverySongbirdSays]

I'm not flaming I promise but in your post you say "I can't tell DH because he gets exasperated at me getting in messes like these"

Do you accidentally lie on a regular basis?

I'm sorry that reads harsher than I want it to sound

[HackerFucker22]

Well I'd wait to see if he or his wife make contact before you make any decisions (a text a few hours after leaving him telling him you were lying makes you seem a bit unhinged!!!)

I'd go for a variation of 3. Maybe say you didn't end up needing full on IVF so can't help

What a pickle. I get your intentions were honourable but really, what a silly thing to say!!!

[princessconsuelobananahammock]

This is totally the sort of thing I do - things just pop out of my mouth from nowhere. I'd go with a variation on 3 but sort of back track to found it difficult to conceive, thinking about treatment etc.

[Yeahsure]

I am laughing here, but god what a mess!

Seriously though do you lie a lot since you say dh will be cross?

If so will this lie make you stop because not only will you look like a fruit loop if you are outed, but you will look quite cruel (I'm sure you're not)?

I'd go for something 3 ish but more vague: 'my whole pregnancy/birth experience is a bit triggering/traumatic for me, it was quite difficult for various reasons. I don't really talk to anyone about it I do hope you understand' type thing.

[Yeahsure]

Oh cross posts! yes something vague about it all being difficult but not repeating or denying the IVF thing.

[DoreenLethal]

'Oh, IVF? i thought you said Ibf, as in individually breast fed. I am such a twat, sorry.'

[pictish]

Oh my God, why?! You will excuse me while I do laugh a bit. You numpty!

There's nothing else for it...you'll have to emigrate.

[Trills]

I'm going to guess that the opposite of an IVF baby is an unplanned baby - one where you weren't even trying.

To be really opposite they'd have to be unplanned while you were (correctly) using contraception.

[DoYouLikeBirds]

You'll have to avoid him forever. I can't see another way without you looking a bit unhinged.

[Jojoriley]

You have no option but to leave the country

[MrsBoDuke]

I would wait to see if she contacts you, then go for coffee or whatever and come clean.

Just say what you said on this thread "I'm really sorry, he looked so sad and I'd said it before I could stop myself - in some weird way I thought a positive story would give you both some hope".

They might think you're a bit weird, but I'd rather be thought of as slightly odd than have to perpetuate a lie (which is what option 3 is).

[Yeahsure]

Don't be ridiculous, of course she doesn't have to emigrate. She just needs to have plastic surgery to completely rearrange her face, have a sex change or pretend she is her twin sister is she sees this man again.

[PurpleDaisies]

When people say happy birthday to me I always say "you too" on instinct and then feel a bit of a wally when they say "it's not my birthday, it's yours". Your op makes me feel a bit better-thanks for sharing! I have no practical advice...I'd probably avoid him forever.

Just for future reference the only thing you need to say to someone going through fertility issues is "I hope it works out for you".

[Yeahsure]

MrsBo that would be very cruel to actually meet with this woman who is desperate for some encouraging news and advice about IVF to be told it wasn't true and she was just trying to be 'nice'. If I was her I'd think OP was a lunatic or a total cunt to be honest.

[pictish]

Seriously you cannot hope to keep up the lie. You just can't.

I am so sorry...I do understand how this has happened but I'm afraid you're going to have to take the hit and tell the truth. Tell him you just wanted to say something that sounded positive, but of course it was a stupid thing to say...it was out of your mouth before you could reel it in.

Yes, he/they will still think you're a loon...but maybe less of a fantasist loon and more of an eccentric one. Even if they avoid you forever.

If it's any consolation you sound really sweet and funny...you might get away with it.

[pictish]

Yeahsure I am cackling my head off.

[HackerFucker22]

Oh god yeah don't agree to meet her to come clean OP.

If you are going to come clean then do it via the bloke and do it soon.

Don't wait for wife to contact you. Nip it in the bud now.

I'm still of the opinion that you should wait and see if they contact you they may not, I certainly don't feel comfortable discussing my fertility issues with strangers and then backtrack if they do.

[Heidi42]

aw don't worry about it you were trying to be nice , just don't answer the texts he will think he got the wrong phone number and you can forget all about it , we all do really daft things on impulse just make sure you dont get found out lol

[yorkshapudding]

I don't see how you can keep up this lie to be honest. It will seem completely weird that you were so open about your child being conceived through IVF when you ran into an acquaintance but can't face the idea of having a conversation about it with another woman who is going through the same thing. Even if you did manage to put them off you'll be dreading bumping into him or him mentioning something to mutual friends. I don't think it's worth the stress.

If you confess unprompted then he might think you a bit odd (sorry) but will most likely respect you for having the courage to come clean and may even see the funny side. If you maintain the lie for any significant time and get found out it will seem much, much worse.

[paddyclampitt]

I'd go with 3. If it was mentioned to others, how would they know whether DD was or wasn't IVF?? Surely they would feel too awkward to discuss it?