Argh stupid pointless lie. I'm such a dick!

[Namechangeohnamechange]

Name changed for this because I feel like such a twat but I'm a regular I promise.

Bumped into a guy I've known for a few years today when out for a walk with the dc. Closer to an acquaintance than a friend but have always really liked him.

Anyway we were chatting and he was admiring my dc and he then told me that him and his wife were going through IVF. I don't know what on earth came over me, but next thing I knew I was pointing at DD1 and telling him that she was an IVF baby. She absolutely was not an IVF baby. In fact she was pretty much the opposite.

I know, it was totally stupid. And I don't know why I did it. He just looked so stressed out and sad I think I wanted to give him a positive story and also I've always thought that one of the hardest things about infertility must be the feeling that everyone else around you is getting pregnant without any trouble so I wanted to give him some solidarity.

Anyway. He then said that his wife was struggling a lot and would I have a coffee with her to talk about my experience and raise her spirits. He said he was sure she would love to talk to me about it all as they don't know anyone else that has gone through it. Next thing he was whipping out his phone to make sure he had my number and we went out separate ways.

So fuckity fuck what on earth do I do now to make sure this doesn't get any worse. I reckon these are my options, would greatly appreciate opinions. I don't really like any of them.

1. Come clean and tell him it was a lie I invented to cheer him up. Not that keen on this option as I will look really bad (and slightly crazy) and can't imagine it will make him feel great.

2. Go for the coffee and continue the lie. But that would be awful, no?

3. Text him and tell him that on second thoughts I'd rather not meet up because I find it difficult to talk about still. But that feels selfish.

The other thought making me shit myself is what if he mentions it to someone else we both know. Like, Oh I didn't know Mr and Mrs Namechangeohnamechange had had IVF. And they are like, Um no they didn't.

I'm in a right mess aren't I?

If it makes you feel better, my dd thinks she IS an ivf baby

She's straight surrogate whixh means husband had a wank in a pot, I kept it tucked in my armpit and drove to my friends house . She inserted it with a syringe then used a vibrator

Now whilst dd completely understands she's my dh and friends bio baby, and I have told her a.lot of times that she isn't an ivf baby but she doesn't need to know the detail ... she seems to forget and revert back to ivf

"She inserted with a syringe and then used a vibrator"

Every day's a school day

Definitely agree with going with the text & wording Pictish suggested up thread (@22:02). Best to come clean really.

cuntycowface oh yeah sure is!
Orgasm makes your cervix dip into the puddle of sperm more receptive

Yeah carry on thinking ivf dd

OP! What on Earth were you thinking?! I'd be worried about option 3 and saying you weren't over it yet or that it was too much for you to talk about because that might scare them and make them think it was a thing to get over or that it was a very traumatic experience for you. I'd suggest if the wife messages you to say you were in the very early stages of IVF and didn't have the procedure because you unexpectedly conceived in the meantime. Drop it in that no-one knew because you'd decided not to tell anyone at DH's insistence. Of course that does cause an issue if she wants to meet anyway to pick your brain about how long you'd been trying/ at what stage you got pregnant/ to talk about it with someone who's experienced infertility etc, you can't fess up then!

Of course that does cause an issue if she wants to meet anyway to pick your brain about how long you'd been trying/ at what stage you got pregnant/ to talk about it with someone who's experienced infertility etc, you can't fess up then!

I'd put money on her not wanting to have that conversation.

I wouldn't send that text. It comes across as cruel, not sweet or nutty in a fun way. They're struggling - and you just blatantly lied to him for absolutely no reason. He is going to tell your mutual friends and you will look like an ass.

Just don't answer his texts, if he does try to set up a coffee date. If he asks mutual friends and they don't know what he's on about - he will drop it, thinking they don't know and will keep your privacy.

Sending a text confessing sounds cruel but ignoring a guy's text when he's seeking some help in a difficult time isn't?

OMG you will look seriously strange if you do anything apart from 3. Move on and learn by your mistake.

If you come clean about it, he will think you have trivialised things and would be offended. You need to just be polite and back out.

Why not purple? If the DW is struggling as OP says and doesn't know anyone else who is, as is suggested by the DH being so desperate to take OP's number she may want to talk about it to someone who's been through a similar journey? Although we don't know how far into IVF the friend and DW are. I'm just wondering btw, not saying she would want to!

I think you have to confess, otherwise it will follow you around, lies are never good
I think a previous poster had the right words Pictish i think

I'm in that situation thisismyfirsttime. From my own experience and the impression I get from others on various infertility boards you don't just want to spill to some random wife of a husband's friend. I obviously can't speak for everyone.

I think mrsbo'sadvice is spot-on.

I think tell the truth.
The clomid idea might make him worry that he misundersttod and if he's already stressed he will freak out thinking he hasn't processed information correctly

I think anything other than the truth is unfair to the couple.

How awful. Personally cant see the funny side that others seem to see.

Probably best to text and say you have been thinking about him and his wife and really really hope it works for them but don't feel you are the right person to offer support to his wife as she is going through such a difficult time. Say you feel awkward about the whole conversation now and will respect their privacy.
Then say you wish them every luck as they really deserve it.

It sounds a bit clumsy but hopefully will mean he moves on from your conversation with him.

Either admit it you look like a weirdo, or go along with it if they find out you look like a weirdo. Ignore his texts, then in time if he sees you again and brings it up deny receipt of such txts, if he talks about it and is pushy again say sorry i think we got confused xxx wasnt ivf. But you know about it and suggest forums etc. Theres lots of support groups and im sure they already know this.

After having fertility problems I would always naturally be cautious about discussing fertility etc with others as it is a sensitive issue so im sure that the wife wont contact you.

Tbh I doubt the wife would want to discuss it anyway.

OP, there is an option 4: actually have IVF.

I'm not getting the 's either... How do you think they're going to feel if they get a "oops, silly me! Just joking!" type text when they're going through that?
Leave them the fuck alone, op, and don't do any more damage.
There's nothing endearingly ditzy about what you did, it's seriously weird.

I think Pictish has it. I couldn't live in fear of being found out at a later date

gpignname's message is perfect - I would go with that one. Doesn't involve any lying but will hopefully mean it gets dropped and not mentioned again.

It's not just that she'll look like a weirdo, she is a weirdo! It's bad enough that people tell lies to get out of big trouble, embarrassing situations and to spare hurt feelings. Now we have to deal with those who tell serious lies because it's more interesting than the truth.

I don't get the alleged "funny" side either.

I think anything other than the truth will make it worse. It was a bizarre thing to do, I don't deny that I am mystified - and I think OP needs to be prepared from them backing off and thinking "weirdo" but they deserve the truth after being told such a bizarre lie.

It's like real life troll'ing