Argh stupid pointless lie. I'm such a dick!

[Namechangeohnamechange]

Name changed for this because I feel like such a twat but I'm a regular I promise.

Bumped into a guy I've known for a few years today when out for a walk with the dc. Closer to an acquaintance than a friend but have always really liked him.

Anyway we were chatting and he was admiring my dc and he then told me that him and his wife were going through IVF. I don't know what on earth came over me, but next thing I knew I was pointing at DD1 and telling him that she was an IVF baby. She absolutely was not an IVF baby. In fact she was pretty much the opposite.

I know, it was totally stupid. And I don't know why I did it. He just looked so stressed out and sad I think I wanted to give him a positive story and also I've always thought that one of the hardest things about infertility must be the feeling that everyone else around you is getting pregnant without any trouble so I wanted to give him some solidarity.

Anyway. He then said that his wife was struggling a lot and would I have a coffee with her to talk about my experience and raise her spirits. He said he was sure she would love to talk to me about it all as they don't know anyone else that has gone through it. Next thing he was whipping out his phone to make sure he had my number and we went out separate ways.

So fuckity fuck what on earth do I do now to make sure this doesn't get any worse. I reckon these are my options, would greatly appreciate opinions. I don't really like any of them.

1. Come clean and tell him it was a lie I invented to cheer him up. Not that keen on this option as I will look really bad (and slightly crazy) and can't imagine it will make him feel great.
   
   
2. Go for the coffee and continue the lie. But that would be awful, no?
   
   
3. Text him and tell him that on second thoughts I'd rather not meet up because I find it difficult to talk about still. But that feels selfish.
   
   The other thought making me shit myself is what if he mentions it to someone else we both know. Like, Oh I didn't know Mr and Mrs Namechangeohnamechange had had IVF. And they are like, Um no they didn't.
   
   I'm in a right mess aren't I?

[cuntycowfacemonkey]

Erm wow! No idea really I'd probably go with 3 but live in fear of being dropped in it at any time. There's no way to confess without looking like a loon. I must admit I'm gob smacked that you thought it would be a helpful thing to do!!

[Namechangeohnamechange]

Ok I am leaning towards fessing up. Feeling really itchy at the thought of this lie still being out there in the world. Might do a practice confession on DH and go by his reaction. Do really like the suggestion though of saying I took clomid and got muddled up between that and IVF. But frankly I'm still going to look like a twat because who wouldn't know the difference really?

[Straycatblue]

Change your mobile number immediately.

[Tinkfromlovejoy]

Definitely go for option 1.

I am infertile (and am super sensitive about it) and would absolutely think you were sweet and also laugh at your expense for being such a dick totally the sort of thing I do

[cuntycowfacemonkey]

Chances are though he'll go home to his wife and she'll think "why the hell do I want to meet up with a random person I hardly know to talk about this"

DH offered for an old work colleague to give my number to his wife if she wanted to talk about their son going through diagnosis process for possible ASD, I never heard from her

[MeadowHay]

Go for number one and fess up, but only if he texts you first, otherwise just leave it.

[Sparrowlegs248]

What cunty said. If I were going through I've and husband came home and said I could meet up with an old friend of his, I wouldn't be doing it

[cuntycowfacemonkey]

I think if you fess up now you'll look like a well meaning oddball if you tell anymore lies about it and then decide to confess or get caught out you're going to look like an arse

[TheDowagerCuntess]

It has to be 1. And surely - kindly meant - this has to be the incentive you need to engage brain before getting yourself into another similar mess!

[pictish]

Absolutely. Send a text sooner rather than later.

"Hi xxx I'm sorry, I have been a dick and I must come clean. Xxxx wasn't conceived by IVF. I wanted to say something positive to cheer you up and before I knew it my mouth had picked up the ball and run with it. I am very embarrassed to have lied like that. I have no idea what I was thinking and I can only apologise and cringe and apologise again. I am very sorry."

[BalloonSlayer]

Could you say that what you meant is that you were going to go through IVF but suddenly found yourself pregnant before the process started? I know, another lie, and it will make him think feel stupid for getting the wrong end of the stick, but < cringe >

Oh dear.

[yorkshapudding]

pictish, that text is perfect, completely upfront and honest, explains that you meant well without digging yourself in an even bigger hole. I'd go with that OP.

[FleeBee]

Name change, my DC was a real IVF baby, shall I go in your place? That won't be as odd will it??

[MrsJacksonAvery]

Or when s/he texts, pretend they have the wrong number. That can easily happen.

[pictish]

I do agree with cunty that the likelihood of a call from his wife is small.
But - the likelihood coming up in conversation somewhere mutual at some point is rather more....and ermahgerrd...how bloody awkward would that be?

[Tinkfromlovejoy]

Dh is in and it's not me

Just tell him your op, minus the options bit. He'll think you're a mental but it's glaringly obvious you meant well.

Or, offer to give him one of yours! In the circumstances it's really the least you can do.

This reminds me of the time my well meaning neighbour offered to be a surrogate for me whilst she was drunk and then told me all about how "super fertile" she is.

[Alexa444]

You twat. I thought I was the only one whose mouth has a (very exciting and well embellished) life of its own. Don't sweat it too much, we do and say dumb shit, we're only human and it was well intentioned. I would just fess up tbh because there is too much room for getting found out. If it was something that no one else could rat you out over I would just say blag it and take it as a lesson learned. I'm exactly the same. I lie to make someone feel better or so that I don't have to explain something or to avoid a row and then end up frantically trying to cover my tracks and wondering why the fuck I thought this was a good idea in the first place.

[DotForShort]

I would wait and see if she contacts you. Then could you brazen it out and say you were considering IVF but never actually went through with it, sorry for the miscommunication? Or something along those lines? I wouldn't go so far as to claim your DD was a miracle baby, though. If that wouldn't work, I think you do need to tell them the truth. Don't go with options 2 or 3, tempting though they may be.

As someone who has been through the hell of infertility, I actually find this situation quite funny. If your friends have a sense of humour (or a sense of the ridiculous), they will forgive you if you do fess up.

[scoobyloobyloo]

As the mum of an IVF baby I think that's a really, really wierd thing to say.

I would most definitely not want to waste my precious time and emotional energy having a coffee with you.

Stop thinking about what saves you the most face and think about what they need. Let them down gently, go with option 3 and if you get found out, deal with it.

[chillycurtains]

Change your phone number. Oh dear, you really dropped yourself in it there.

[SpunnyFoonerism]

I don't see how you can keep up this lie to be honest. It will seem completely weird that you were so open about your child being conceived through IVF when you ran into an acquaintance but can't face the idea of having a conversation about it with another woman who is going through the same thing

Have to agree with this

If you choose this option the best way around the problem would be to cheerfully meet up with this lady for coffee, pay for the coffees, sit down on comfy chairs and let her begin the conversation. Next, burst into noisy tears and flee the cafe, exclaiming "I'm sorry, I can't. It's still too hard!"

You won't even have to worry about either of the couple ever mentioning IVF to your DH or friends or family because they won't want to upset you.

The downside of this plan is that your friend and his DW will think you're extremely upset even discussing your successful IVF so it might massively put them off their own treatments.

[Heebiejeebie]

Could you text 'I don't know why I told you I'd had IVF, please can you not mention it again'? Sitting on fence - can be read as a confession or as an 'I'm not over it...'

[ThinkBeforePosting]

Oh dear what were you thinking

I think I'd send Something along the lines of Pictish' s text. Then hope I didn't meet him ever again.

[MrsOs]

Yea say no one knows about it and i prefer not to talk about it... Ive had ivf tell them babycentre.co.uk is a great place to get ivf support!