To not order what I want to eat when a group meal out

[rookiemere]

I've been stewing on this slightly since Friday.

Went out with a group of ex work friends - about 12 of us - to a well known mid priced chain restaurant. We've been there before, but usually in smaller numbers, and it worked out well. Everyone had pizza/pasta, we shared some appetizers and split bill equally.

This time I assumed the format would be the same. Someone at my end suggested sharing some bready things - I'm not a great lover of loads of bread followed by pasta - but in these situations I always try to go with the flow, so I said sure.

All good except when the food arrived - at the other end 3 of the blokes had ordered expensive starters. Then when the main courses arrived rather than ordering the mid range meals they had the expensive meat options, oh and desserts as well.

To be fair when the bill came one of them suggested putting in more because of what they had - but it was only a couple of quid more rather than actually reflecting the cost differential in their meals. Working it out I paid a few quid more than it what it should have been even with tip and drinks included, but not hugely out of pocket.

I guess the reason I'm posting this is that actually I would have preferred having the seafood starter rather than the stodgy bread myself and would have been happy to pay the cost difference, but have always been brought up to order mid-range in a group situation. AIBU?

^there was a argument about dividing up the bill.

Personally I prefer paying for what you have. But if this is how the group does it. In this situation I would still order what I wanted out the extra in. But making sure I more than covered what I had.

So if my starter was a £4 more than most of the other I would stick an extra fiver in.

I wouldn't order food I wasn't that fussed about just to make it easier.

Paying more than you should purely to avoid falling out with people sounds far more uncomfortable

I wouldn't know, I've never done that. Never had to, it wouldn't happen because I choose to eat with nice people!

Can I (quietly) say, that pretty much every time you eat out with a vegetarian and the bill is split equally, the vegetarian has almost certainly subsidised your meal. Just wondering if this has every occurred to the majority of you?

Not if the vegetarian is a massive boozer.

Said quietly of course.

I'm with you, OP.

I think there is an issue of manners here. It is very rude to order expensive options and then to split the bill. I do think it can be - just sometimes - a gendered issue. It may just be people I know, but some people do really think that men need the more expensive, meaty, filling options, and that this is just normal.

I am also totally with you in thinking the seafood sounds nicer!

Or if the vegetarian is a big eater who will have three courses.

Maybe a non-vegetarian will have one of the lower priced mains too including, shock horror, something like a vegetable pizza, which is a whole other thread as there are a lot of people out there who think that non vegetarians should never eat food that does not contain meat .

I have the veggie option loads I feel the service washing up tips all the same and the meal is often only a little cheaper. I always order what I want if I think it's more than other people's bills I always put more in and if I think other people are tight I don't eat out with them again. Swirlingasong we sound like we have the same friends.

Neither have I, Smarter, that's what I'm saying. We pay for what we have. So your opinion that I'm eating with the wrong people is incorrect, because I wouldn't go out with people who think it's fair to make a teetotaller pay for other people to drink six bottles of wine.

Can I (quietly) say, that pretty much every time you eat out with a vegetarian and the bill is split equally, the vegetarian has almost certainly subsidised your meal. Just wondering if this has every occurred to the majority of you?

no never occurred to me. But then I don't drink. So spend considerably less than a vegetarian who's had a fair few glasses of wine. If you feel you are unfairly paying more and aren't happy. Speak up.

I once went to a meal with a group of people who I didn't know, it's was a shared interest type situation. The organiser emailed everyone in advance the menu saying have a look, and bring enough cash for whatever you personally want to order plus tip. We will all buy own drinks at the bar.
It worked really well.

I wouldn't be going out for dinner again with someone who insists on paying for what they've had as opposed to splitting the bill. I find such people petty and a complete pain in the arse. Fortunately my regular dining companions are all sensible enough to understand that it's swings and roundabouts and all comes out in wash eventually.

Seriously, when adults are out together the only civilised and polite way to handle things is - a) order whatever you want and b) the bill and tip are split equally (and the tip is at least 10% up to parties of 4, above that it is 15% or more).

Unless one person is treating the group.

Anything else is completely cringe I find.

YANBU. If you've all eaten/drunk roughly the same, splitting the bill is fine.

If it varies widely, not fine.

I am with you OP - I usually try not to go to the expensive end of the menu if I am ordering in bill sharing situation, or if I do I offer to chip in a bit more to cover my share, or pay more of the tip or something. But I often eat out with other people who seem completely oblivious to this social etiquette.

When I was utterly broke I remember going for lunch with colleagues but only having a soft drink (had a sandwich back in the office) and my boss tried to split the bill equally when they'd had a meal and wine. I nearly cried.

Splitting the bill is a silly idea, especially in a large group where some people will inevitably eat more/higher priced things than others. Theirs always going to be someone getting something for nothing and someone else out of pocket. Just pay for yourself, that's the fairest way.

Well, yes, if everyone has had roughly the same, then it is mealy-mouthed to quibble about a pound here and there. Being totally sexist - just as its always men who seem to eat and drink the lion's share and then want to split the bill equally, it's often a certain type of woman who leaves £6.95 exactly for a pizza and then scurries off early, "forgetting" about her drink and tip/service charge.

In what way is it civilised and polite to expect others to subsidise your meal? Especially when those ordering cheaper things may well do so because they have a lower income?

For those who say it evens out over time - really?
Fine for close friends honestly I don't sit there counting who has had what, but again that's because we have similar eating habits.
But the non meat eater is never going to devour a steak and the light drinker have more than a glass or so, so no all that will happen over time is that the high end eaters and drinkers will consume more at others expense.

Honestly I'm slightly more fun to go out with than I'm making myself sound . I feel as if I'm turning into Chloe from 24 the older I get.

But the light drinker might get stuck into the lobster thermidor and foie gras and the vegetarian might get hammered on a nice Malbec or 5.

I wouldn't be going out for dinner again with someone who insists on paying for what they've had as opposed to splitting the bill. I find such people petty and a complete pain in the arse. Fortunately my regular dining companions are all sensible enough to understand that it's swings and roundabouts and all comes out in wash eventually.

I disagree that it all comes out in the wash eventually. The person who had 3 courses plus wine tends to eat like that all the time. The person who is not a big eater or drinker and has one course and one drink doesn't suddenly become a big eater next time.

I can't eat very much in one go and in a recent group lunch situation, I had one course, which was a lower priced dish too, this wasn't intentional, it was just what I had - mine came to about 8 euro (we were abroad and it was a cheapish place in a cheap country).

Someone else in the group had two expensive courses and a bottle of wine to himself and his came to 28 euro and he started making noises about splitting so I put down a 10 euro note and said 'that more than covers mine'.

Often, but not always obviously, it is the people keenest to split evenly who are those who had the most to eat and drink and are looking to share their expenditure throughout the group.

Cross post with rookie

I wouldn't be going out for dinner again with someone who insists on paying for what they've had as opposed to splitting the bill. I find such people petty and a complete pain in the arse. Fortunately my regular dining companions are all sensible enough to understand that it's swings and roundabouts and all comes out in wash eventually.

Im not mean and i dont mind splitting the bill if we have roughly the same.But if i have something more expensive and a few glasses of wine,i would rather pay for my own,thats just me though.

I order what I want to eat when in a group situation, but I certainly wouldnt take the piss. If I was having an expensive starter I wouldn't have a pud

I remember my meal costing £8, and having to pay £47 when the bill was split. I had deliberately eaten little, as I had lost my job two days earlier, but didn't want to bail as it was a birthday dinner for someone. They knew about my job but still let me pay. I have different friends now. I always split the bill even though I don't drink. Think I always lose out though.