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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to just wash the fucking bear?

174 replies

NoCapes · 10/04/2016 14:42

DD has a comfort blanket/bear thing
She has slept with it every night since we took her dummy away, around 11/12 months-ish, she sucks on it so now the poor fucker has no legs and is in a right old state

She also refuses to let me wash him
I have done against her wishes a few times and she has literally sat and watched him spin around the washing machine crying until he came out, then not slept properly for around 3/4 nights afterwards
So I gave up and let her crack on
He hasn't been in the wash for a few years now Blush

Now the issue is- He fucking stinks!
Really really stinks! If the heating has been on and you go in her room you can smell him! It's grim

Now DD has recently turned 5, I asked her if I could wash bear so he was fancy for her birthday - she said no so I didn't
Now I'm changing the bedding today, and DD isn't here, would I be a heartless cow if Bear accidentally got tangled up in the bedding and had a wash?
I fear it's a matter of health and safety at this point?

OP posts:
Skivvywoman · 11/04/2016 09:40

Just do it my dd was the same but I just used to sneak it in the machine thankfully she lost it in turkey when she was 4!

stealthsquiggle · 11/04/2016 10:30

All these tactics about buying multiples, etc depend on the false assumption that parents have some say in which animal/other object becomes the irreplaceable companion.

Both our DC had "snuggles" as comfort objects when they were very little - white flannels. Interchangeable. Nursery loved it as they could even give them one of the nursery flannels if they couldn't find their own. DS also had a huge collection of interchangeable small animals which went to nursery when he was a bit older - as long as he had an animal, he wasn't overly fussed about which one. So far so smug...

..but then all of a sudden certain animals emerge as special. By which time they are far too loved to get spares, and you no longer have any idea where they came from.My DB2 fixated on a thing which came attached to a bouquet of flowers when he was born. No one could ever agree on whether is was supposed to be a bear or a rabbit, so it was "brabbit" and scared the Iiving daylights out of DM because it presumably came from some random florists wholesaler and sourcing a replacement (in pre-internet days) would have been impossible.

bluejasmin · 11/04/2016 11:22

All of mine have had some sort of comfort blanket but one accidentally ( honestly it was not on purpose ) on holiday Sad I thought he would be beside himself but he wasn't bothered at all !! Blanket meanwhile loves it in Portugal living it up at the beach .

niceday · 11/04/2016 11:23

Ds has a cow he sleeps with. The cow takes bath occasionally and has had a surgery to add some fat inside.
Handwash only, it's too traumatising to watch your friend spin in a washing machine

EatingMyWords · 11/04/2016 11:39

According to my FIL's French friends you're meant to put soft toys in the freezer (not sure how long for) rather than wash them to de-germ them, so they don't fall apart. DS's french bunny was looking a bit saggy after we'd washed him a week or two ago!

paxillin · 11/04/2016 12:10

But freezing won't kill bacteria or wash out viruses. It will kill headlice or fleas, so it is helpful if you had an infestation of those. In the lab, bacteria are kept at -80, they keep rather well.

mix56 · 11/04/2016 12:41

stealthsquiggle you are so right, my DDs dog/rabbit, was one of several she could've chosen, it was probably a second hand cast off offered by a 2nd cousin who lives on a South Pacific island. I tried everything, ebay vintage etc. Never seen an horrid thing like it. over the years we have both several similar looking blighters. Absolutely no good.
DS had a duvet cover that we cut into multiple bits, that was a doddle !

mix56 · 11/04/2016 12:42

"bought" sorry

PandasRock · 11/04/2016 13:34

You can influence a (very young) baby as to which comforter becomes their constant, though.

Dd1 we decided and bought 2 of the same comforter. No, it didn't stop attachments to other objects, but they always came and went (some longer than others), and plenty of them gave me anxieties about sourcing a replacement!

Dd2 was very flexible as a younger baby, but then, at about 11 months old, pinched one of her sisters (neglected, never looked at) toys. I thought it's be a doddle to find another, as it is just a jellycat toy, but it proved nigh on impossible. I eventually found one in Germany via eBay, and paid a ridiculous amount for it to be shipped over.

The dds are 11 and 9 now, and show no sign of giving up on their toys, so it was worth the effort.

Ds was also strongly persuaded towards a certain toy. He has lots, and there are a few which would cause sadness and grief if they were lost/disintegrated, but the one proper irreplaceable one (well, two actually Grin) is the only one that he really couldn't sleep without. He's nearly 4, so still lots of time for him to want an unduplicatable toy, but I can't see it being a huge long term problem, as he will always have his 'proper' comforter.

MintSource · 11/04/2016 14:14

Oh OP, YADNBU because of this:

"she has literally sat and watched him spin around the washing machine crying until he came out."

I think I shall be equally weak when my time comes....

LegoUniverse · 11/04/2016 14:23

Has no one read D.W.Winnicott? The bear is a 'transitional object' and it has an important status in child development (to do with control and separation). Winnicott says it's really important that only the child decrees when the object can be changed. (I've attached a picture of some of his rules about these objects). (Luckily our DD was attached to a small piece of wood so smells weren't an issue). But unless DD orders it, I would leave it alone. Sorry to be the only dissenting voice here!

WIBU to just wash the fucking bear?
hellsbellsmelons · 11/04/2016 14:30

I think attachment to bears is just about the nicest thing about children
I used to think so until I had to holiday with a 3 YO who had a meltdown every time she forgot him.
Her parents even had to leave a theme park that was a 2.5 hour round trip to get him as it was the only way she would stop crying.
That was a fun holiday Hmm
She's a gorgeous 13 YO now and an absolutely lovely girl.
She's not so obsessed but the bear still goes everywhere with her.

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/04/2016 14:53

Good to have a comforter to go to sleep with - but stays in bedroom

No need for children to drag bunnies teddies Sheep mussies about with them to countless places as when at school they have to leave them

Agree you can 'help' a baby to chose a comforter and that's when the buying in bulk helps :)

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/04/2016 14:54

Op - where is bear when dd at school?

Can't you wash then?

For futures smelly reliving duties

Or does he go to school and stays in bag?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/04/2016 15:25

I still have the elephant I was given when I was a baby and I'm 41! DH calls him Trigger's elephant as he's been restuffed and recovered so many times over the years. I couldn't get rid of him though Blush

DM used to insist he was washed but he was always done by hand as he's so small but even that was traumatic when I was really young as I was convinced he'd drown!

NotCitrus · 11/04/2016 16:04

I was worried about how ds would take it when his favourite cuddly toy really needed a wash. I gave him the choice of going in the bath with him or going in the washing machine.

Apparently a washing machine is like a jacuzzi for toys and said toy regularly asks to go in it! (holiday apartment last year happened to have a hot tub with jacuzzi...) Plus a go in the dryer to fluff up his feathers...

Worth a try.

herecomesthsun · 11/04/2016 16:14

Really baffled as to why my post about washing stuffed toys has been hidden!?!! I thought it was a good idea?

stealthsquiggle · 11/04/2016 16:21

NotCitrus - apparently my DC's animals think the "round and round warm huffy ride" is lots of fun, but that the washing machine is a torture that has to be endured first. I shall attempt the "jacuzzi" sell.

Cressida Cowell did once personally (via Twitter) assure DS's cuddly dragon that since all dragons have gills, she could not possibly drown in the washing machine and was indeed being a complete drama queen about the whole thing

Moxxygirl · 11/04/2016 16:54

For Goodness sake - who is the adult here ? Wash it , why are you pandering to her ? Thank God my kids are grown up !!

magratsflyawayhair · 11/04/2016 16:56

I used to be friends with a girl who, at the point of leaving school for uni, still had a manky toy cat (not that you'd know, it looked more like mouldy haggis) that she sucked her thumb holding. It went to uni with her. It REEKED. I can still remember the smell now it was so disgusting. She didn't care we all thought it was gross.

gandalf456 · 11/04/2016 16:58

I know someone's child who does this too - I. E not allowing her mum to wash it. You're the adult and you're in chr ge etc etc

paxillin · 11/04/2016 17:24

Interesting, LegoUniverse, does that mean such an object cannot be washed even after 17 years of the "infant" cuddling it?

whatthefucksaninkynonk · 11/04/2016 19:13

Sorry if this has already been suggested, but could bear have a bath in the sink instead, so he at least gets a soaping without all the swirling-pool-of-death action that comes with the washing machine?

herecomesthsun · 11/04/2016 19:15

I suggested this earlier on - its what we do - but apparently MNHQ have blocked my post, ???why

MrsCharlesBrandon · 11/04/2016 19:31

Do became very attached to a bear that my brother brought home from America. I had a hell of a time getting a second but am so glad I did. He now has Koda and Broda! Dd2 was far easier - just big bits of satin. Has DD settled now?