Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to just wash the fucking bear?

174 replies

NoCapes · 10/04/2016 14:42

DD has a comfort blanket/bear thing
She has slept with it every night since we took her dummy away, around 11/12 months-ish, she sucks on it so now the poor fucker has no legs and is in a right old state

She also refuses to let me wash him
I have done against her wishes a few times and she has literally sat and watched him spin around the washing machine crying until he came out, then not slept properly for around 3/4 nights afterwards
So I gave up and let her crack on
He hasn't been in the wash for a few years now Blush

Now the issue is- He fucking stinks!
Really really stinks! If the heating has been on and you go in her room you can smell him! It's grim

Now DD has recently turned 5, I asked her if I could wash bear so he was fancy for her birthday - she said no so I didn't
Now I'm changing the bedding today, and DD isn't here, would I be a heartless cow if Bear accidentally got tangled up in the bedding and had a wash?
I fear it's a matter of health and safety at this point?

OP posts:
lavenderhoney · 10/04/2016 21:33

Dd has a tiny soft toy she fell in love with in a bargain basement foreign supermarket with no labels on it. Having never been one for attaching herself to soft toys, I didn't take much notice until I realised this toy was never far away. It has slept with her for about 5 years every night, been in ambulances, well travelled, everything. ( and clean!)

Dd refused to take it away with her with ex dh for a few days as she was sure he'd lose it. She took one she wasn't worried about losing. She's probably right as he wasn't ever that bothered about special teddies and can't understand why she can't sleep without it. It slept in my bed for the time she was away. After a good scrub in the washing machine!

NeedACleverNN · 10/04/2016 21:42

No teddies here thankfully

But they do have blankies

Dd has this pink one that has gone brown round the edges

She has had it since the day she was born. Though she used to be happy with any blanket as long as it was fleecy. She just then wanted her blankie and has been that one ever since

Ds at the moment is happy with any blanket as long as it's fleecy

HazyMazy · 10/04/2016 21:50

Can teddie have a bath with DD?

marshmallowpies · 10/04/2016 22:17

I wash Teddy every other month or so. He seems to survive it pretty well, but if he starts to come out of it worse I am going to have to lay down some pretty tough rules about where he is allowed to go (he doesn't get taken out of the house unless we are going away overnight or some other exceptional situation - DD took him to the dentist last week, for instance) - but he does go into the garden and get dumped unceremoniously on the grass and flower beds, gets left on the floor everywhere, etc.

I might have to start telling DD that Teddy will have to live permanently in her bed if she wants to keep him clean! I don't get how she can adore him so much and yet easily leave him on the bathroom floor or dumped in the garden and forget all about him for hours on end!

Luckily he was quite a scruffy bear to begin with, made of rough textured material a bit like flannel instead of fur, so the amount of love he gets doesn't seem to cause too much damage. DD has so many other much nicer cuddlier more attractive soft toys, but for some reason he is the one she fixated on.

queenofthepirates · 10/04/2016 22:25

My 5yo DD's little rabbit got left in a hotel in Europe and despite phone calls to them, was never recovered. After putting her to bed sobbing every night, I managed to track down the manufacturers in France and get them to send a replacement. I made up a story about rabbit taking a good bath before getting on a plane to come back to DD which was duly swallowed and retold to anyone who will listen (it's got ten elaborated with details about taxis, trains and boat rides to come home). One day she's going to realise the truth but hoping it's not any time soon!

bettyberry · 10/04/2016 22:37

My DS (now 8) has a cat. Its called Cat and is one of those beanie babies. He doesn't know it but cat is really Cat 3.

I have no idea what happened to cat 1 and 2. But I am so glad beanie babies were all the rage and I could get replacements on ebay for a couple of pounds. I have one spare Cat. I am hoping he starts forgetting leaving him at home soon.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/04/2016 22:50

Glad you washed the bear

Dd will be ok

I love bears (have many in the spare bear bedroom) but always clean

I read many times on FB about the cuddly toy that's lost

Adobe I always give my pregnant /just given birth mummies as a maternity nurse

If you make your child rely/love a toy so much they can't sleep /survive without them then buy 3

Just like school uniform

Wash, wear(current one) and spare

Rotate them every week/month so all get worn out the same

They stay in the house. If you must take them out then least you have a spare or two if you lose them

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/04/2016 22:51

Advice not Adobe

stealthsquiggle · 10/04/2016 22:55

Bear ratted you out, OP.

I hope they both settle down soon.

I and my bear have just spent the best part of an hour on FaceTime with DD and Monkey to get her to sleep (they are away visiting relatives). I think poor Monkey may need a holiday to get over this one...

SoMuchToBits · 10/04/2016 23:01

Ds's Big Teddy had an unwanted bath encounter when he was young. It has put him off water... Ds is 15 now and still takes Big Teddy to bed with him. Smile Bear

SoMuchToBits · 10/04/2016 23:02

I take my teddy (Tubby) to bed too. I'm 54. Blush

stealthsquiggle · 10/04/2016 23:19

You and me both, SoMuch.

Swirlingasong · 10/04/2016 23:26

Hope she slept ok. My niece had a teddy she would suck for comfort and take to bed. SiL found a couple of spares to rotate in the wash but, having thought teddy was quite new, realised when the new ones arrived that he had suffered quite considerable wear and tear. Determined not to be foiled in her plan she decided that she and her dh would simply have to make the new ones look like the original. So every evening they would sit down on the sofa in front of the tv, each get out a teddy and start sucking their ears and rubbing balding patches on their fur. It was hilarious but also very, very sweet!

horseygeorgie · 10/04/2016 23:42

My DD (4) has a zebra called Zebra. This toy is an integral part of our life with a definite personality and she adores him. She gives him baths then he dries out on a radiator moaning constantly because he can't fit all his legs on.

I have a Bear called Honey. He is looking threadbare but has been with me all through my life. He even came to agricultural college with me where he behaved very badly and would stay out all night drinking! He sleeps with me every night and I actually really miss him if I go away because I am clearly pathetic! and I am 31!

SoThatHappened · 10/04/2016 23:46

I dont get this thread. Would you allow your DC o opt out of school, bedtime, washing, brushing teeth? No.

So why cant you just tell your child I'm washing that filthy toy and that is it, you're sleeping with that. They cry. So what? They'll get over it.

Travelledtheworld · 10/04/2016 23:49

I have just had a flashback and remembered my Mum putting my beloved teddy, not just in the twin tub for a wash, but in the spin dryer too. That was in 1965.
I still have the teddy. He is very fragile now.

StrumpersPlunkett · 10/04/2016 23:56

As a result of many thread like this over the years we have always used mussies as comforters.
Pack of 12. Clean one each night with clean pj's
Worked a dream with ds1
Ds2 preferred them when the corners were green and wet from sucking and hated new ones so he was allowed a week between washes.

They are now 12 and 9.5 and still sleep with mussies (except ds1 now hides them when friends sleep over😄)

EmNetta · 11/04/2016 00:01

I'm reminded of my little brother's teddy, which was kept machine-washed and in reasonable condition (my job was to repair the ears as required) until we got a puppy, which decided the bear was its favourite companion. Washing and ear repairs had to be increased, with the whole family checking the dog's bed and hiding places when it went missing.
Bear-washing was just accepted, as long as the object was dried in time for bedtime, but db (or the puppy) never had to watch it going round in the machine.

Now you've managed to get yours washed, OP, I suggest you just quietly continue as necessary.

Enkopkaffetak · 11/04/2016 00:04

I was another one who was giving out the advice of " always have an extra and rotate" that is until I met dd3.. As once we realised this Rabbit was " the special toy" we duly researched and finally tracked down where this rabbit was from (he was a £18 buy from Lille France - turned out VERY rare bear and the 2nd one cost us £56 to get to the country) Dd3 KNEW the difference. NO ONE else could see (or smell) the difference when we got the 2nd rabbit but dd 3 was NEVER fooled. and the 2nd rabbit became Rabi the naughty rabbit... year s later when Rara was the colour of love (aka grey and mucky with a huge long neck and areas that looked like no stuffing had ever been) Rabi was still almost like new.

I would still absolutely say get 2 or 3 but every now and then you will find a dd3 who will just instinctively know (even at age 14 months as she was)

suspiciousofgoldfish · 11/04/2016 04:46

Have an honest, open and adult chat with your DD. I would suggest something like

"Darling, I know you love teddy but he is covered in millions of tiny germs that are invisible and if you don't let me wash him, those germs will crawl into your eyes and your eyes will fall out".

That should do it.

herecomesthsun · 11/04/2016 08:02

Ah. We don't wash toys in the machine, dd age 4 gives them a looovely bubble bath in the bathroom sink with her bubble bath, then we wrap them lovingly in a hand towel and sit them over the dehumidifier.

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/04/2016 08:56

Agree mussies are great or jelly soft animals - something that's easily rebrought

Lol at exspensive rare bunny and the parents who lovingly stroked and sucked new toys

MrsMarigold · 11/04/2016 09:18

DS had a monkey which didn't get washed much, we got a nanny who insisted they were added to a regular cleaning rota. We wash them in the washing machine and tumble dry them initially we I told him it's like how Dave has to wash Dogger in the storybook Dogger by Shirley Hughes.

Read this and you won't have any qualms about washing her beloved cuddly. (Apologies it is the Mail)

Dowser · 11/04/2016 09:20

We exchanged homes with a London couple. They had our Yorkshire holiday home and we had their town house in fulham .

On the day we left. Kids were in the car and I was just doing the once over check...and there it was...the daughters favourite bear ( she was in Her 20s ) in two parts..body one place and head in another.

I was furious with my son. Luckily this family sewed, so I had to raid their sewing basket and stitch it up while the husband got the Hoover out to suck up all the kapok that was scattered around the floor.

Honestly I could have murdered my son! We couldn't take him anywhere.

Dowser · 11/04/2016 09:23

My dad sewed a tie on my teddys neck to keep its head on. It's about 66 years old and is American.

It was left in my aunts motel in florida and she sent it to me. ( rich as Croesus and never thought to buy me a new one!)