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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to just wash the fucking bear?

174 replies

NoCapes · 10/04/2016 14:42

DD has a comfort blanket/bear thing
She has slept with it every night since we took her dummy away, around 11/12 months-ish, she sucks on it so now the poor fucker has no legs and is in a right old state

She also refuses to let me wash him
I have done against her wishes a few times and she has literally sat and watched him spin around the washing machine crying until he came out, then not slept properly for around 3/4 nights afterwards
So I gave up and let her crack on
He hasn't been in the wash for a few years now Blush

Now the issue is- He fucking stinks!
Really really stinks! If the heating has been on and you go in her room you can smell him! It's grim

Now DD has recently turned 5, I asked her if I could wash bear so he was fancy for her birthday - she said no so I didn't
Now I'm changing the bedding today, and DD isn't here, would I be a heartless cow if Bear accidentally got tangled up in the bedding and had a wash?
I fear it's a matter of health and safety at this point?

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 10/04/2016 15:15

I would go with your original idea of silly bear getting tangled up with the sheets and going for an unplanned bath - but do make sure that bear accidentally falls into a pillowcase or net bag on the way, just to make sure he doesn't disintegrate.

..and start negotiating now with DD because I suspect that bear will be made to be more careful in future so that tactic might not work twice Grin.

Original poster
NoCapes · 10/04/2016 15:15

...whilst singing Wash The Bear - Sebastian style Grin

OP posts:
Floralrainbow · 10/04/2016 15:15

I just told my daughter that her teddy would get really sad if he didn't get a bath and would be so happy if he got one. Surprisingly it worked... I wash it every week now, no more stinky bad breath smelling bear!

GreenMarkerPen · 10/04/2016 15:17

do it. it's a bio hazard...
you can wash if with just soda crystals, so it doesn't smell of laundry.

mudandmayhem01 · 10/04/2016 15:19

Your child probably has a tip top immune system from that bear. Ds's bear get a ride in the washing machine about once a month. He is fine with it now

Hawkmoth · 10/04/2016 15:20

Maybe if you got a replacement, bunny could go to a special hospital and come home healthy and fresh...

sooperdooper · 10/04/2016 15:21

Jesus why even ask? I'd have just done it ages ago, you don't need permission!

stealthsquiggle · 10/04/2016 15:27

In defence of the OP, I remember the trauma of my "blankie" being washed - and my DM always negotiated it even when blankie was filthy and stinky. She also had to negotiate fabric choices for patches (blankie was actually a cot eiderdown) and bought more expensive fabric for that than she would ever have contemplated for anything for herself.

I still have my blanket. Good for you for respecting DD's concerns, OP, but at the point where you can smell him when you walk in the room, the time has definitely come for Bear to face the music.

Witchend · 10/04/2016 15:36

Ds is like that. Full on misery when it has to be washed. I pop it in (inside a sock so it can't be spotted) comes straight out and sits in the airing cupboard until bath time when it goes into his bed. He hasn't commented yet.
No way was it not being washed, however I do go out if my way to keep the trauma from him.

landrover · 10/04/2016 15:39

Handwash him!

Witchend · 10/04/2016 15:39

Oh and I don't tell him either. I did a couple of times because I thought he'd the see no harm had come to it so be fine about it in future. He got distraught, so that plan didn't work.

OohMavis · 10/04/2016 15:48

There you see him...
Stinking up DD's room.
She don't get to have a say,
There's an odour aboouut him
Don't you say a word
And don't say a word until you
Wash da bear

seagull wailing

OohMavis · 10/04/2016 15:50

That should be oh, and some pan drums Grin

PurpleDaisies · 10/04/2016 15:53

That's brilliant mavis. Grin

NeedACleverNN · 10/04/2016 15:58

Oh god mavis!

If I didn't have a big grin on my face before I do now

Penguinepenguins · 10/04/2016 16:00

Me beloved bear was washed as he was found in a second hand shop, he didn't have much stuffing when I first found him :) but I seem to remember a lot of negotiation about him going into the machine and worrying about him whilst he was in there Confused

By the time I was 7, he had next to no stuffing... What I did not appreciate was my GM sneaking in one night and re-stuffing him!!! And giving him new paws which were itchy!!

He was never the same, even after his operation by my mum to remove the stuffing and horrible paws. But we lived to tell the tale ;)

stealthsquiggle · 10/04/2016 16:06

DD's very very loved and know pretty skinny monkey is currently debating whether he wants surgery to restore him to plumpness or not. He and DD change their minds on a weekly basis, but there is no way I am going to undertake the surgery unless/until they decide they want me to.

stealthsquiggle · 10/04/2016 16:07

know now

JeffVaderneedsatray · 10/04/2016 16:11

DD has a monkey that she has loved since birth. He is well loved and I dare not put him in the machine at all. When monkey needs washing he has to have a bath in bio tex, be rinsed very very gently and then lie on our heated airer to dry.

When monkey was purchased I went back to the shop it came from and bought a second (monkey 1 was a gift) which I hid. When DD was about 2 1/2 she found monkey 2. She appeared from the room clutching them both and spent a week blissfully showing everyone that now she had monkey 1 and monkey 2. Monkey 1 is still the favoured monkey!

Penguinepenguins · 10/04/2016 16:17

stealth very wise...

Spoke to my mum about it years later, GM (mums MIL) had been going on about it for weeks, so she was very unimpressed too as knew this was not a good idea :) and had explained this in quite some detail.

That's sweet jeff I wonder if buying two is the answer and swapping them over every few days (like they do with rescue pandas who have two babies) but maybe not worth the risk 😂

KittyCheshire · 10/04/2016 16:25

ah see, the trick when you buy another is to ROTATE them, so they both get equal washing and wear & tear!

I learned this through the panic of losing DS's 'foxy' so when DD took to a bunny from tesco, i bought another and used to switch them every couple of weeks!

8misskitty8 · 10/04/2016 16:47

DD has a special rabbit toy. She got it as a gift when she was a baby. It used to stink a and we didn't have a tumble drier so couldn't get it washed/dryer in one day. So I managed to track down 2 more on eBay as it was a discontinued toy.
I rotated the 3 for washing for about a year, then DD found them in a cupboard !
Should have seen her face when she found them. They all have names but she knew that they needed to get washed.
The original one is still her favourite even though her stuffing is squashed down, has lost the ribbon and is more grey than white.

Mysteryfla · 10/04/2016 17:04

DD's very very loved and know pretty skinny monkey is currently debating whether he wants surgery to restore him to plumpness or not. He and DD change their minds on a weekly basis, but there is no way I am going to undertake the surgery unless/until they decide they want me

Grandson has a very well loved dog, George, that had to have a tummy transplant a few years ago. Was performed in the bedroom, he couldn't watch. George is a bit worn but still going strong.

PandasRock · 10/04/2016 17:15

It isn't always too late to introduce a 'spare'

Dd1 has had a comfort blanket/bear since birth. We did but two initially (one in use, one in the wash, so they never got too minging before having a bath), but by the time dd1 was 5 ish, they were getting very frail - she carried them absolutely everywhere - and so I had to investigate buying more. Of course the originals were very different by now, different shape, texture and colour. The new ones were rejected as sleep companions, but acceptable as daytime companions. And so for a few years she had the new ones in the daytime and the originals for sleep (must add, dd1 has severe ASD, so carried on needing her bear with her constantly longer than NT children might).

Dd1 is now 11, and last week I discovered she'd been using one of the daytime bears as a sleep bear, so introducing a new bear can be done Grin (I appreciate there is no quick fix though!)

SoThatHappened · 10/04/2016 17:55

I had the same issue with my blankie. It smelled lovely to me but my mum sid it stank.

she used to make me put it through the wash and I hated it as it smelled of detergent for a while and took a few days to wear off. But I learned that it would only be a few days before the detergent wore off.

DD will get it. Just wash it and wash it regularly.