Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Brother and sister in law nasty to me

194 replies

AllHailKingRobb · 10/04/2016 09:12

I have just joined mumsnet though I have lurked on threads I see pop up on facebook so thought this was the best place to come to get a straight answer.

This time last year i was with my ex boyfriend and had depression pretty bad, I live in a different country to my brother and sister in law but came home for a week to clear my head. Sil had had depression before and said she was always there to help, to her defense she messaged frequently and even offered to get the anti depressants I am on for me (I pay in my country quite a lot and it's cheaper in england) I refused and managed anyway. She married my brother in june and asked me to be her bridesmaid which i accepted. I split up with my boyfriend in May 2015 and they married in June 2015 so I attended alone. Everything seemed fine.

I will not lie and say during my depression i cheated on my ex boyfriend in December 2015. We split briefly for a week then got back together in April then split in may again. I then dumped him and got with the man i cheated on him with in July 2015.

My new boyfriend had a silly made up name on facebook at the time and brother started taking the mick. I was so upset, he is my new boyfriend ffs! Surely it's nicer to make him feel settled in the family? Brother said he was sorry and thought it was light hearted and apologised but i think he is just mean and nasty. After that my new boyfriend had some issues whcih led to him being in hospital and my brother kept messaging and asking how he was, how i was doing. I i ignored him. He was horrible to my boyfriend and made him feel like rubbish so I didn't want to talk to him anymore and i felt like the messages were to try and make him "good guy" and i don't buy it

In about august sil uploaded a photo about how water could be thicker than blood and her and her friend commented on the photo, she only normally uploads jokey photos or quotes she likes that dont have relevance to her but her and her friend commented below which i feel was digs at me. I thought this was so rude. I knew it was about me but she then had the nerve to message that week asking how the depression was and i ignored it. She claimed she also posted me a necklace for my birthday but i never got it. Hmm She said it was signed for my end though on her tracking service (she sent it to my ex boyfriends house, i did tell her to as I was still moving my stuff out and going back) the signature she said was not readable so she got her money refunded. I just don't believe her. That photo was clearly aimed at me.

Anyway my two newphews birthdays are in the summer. I did send something for them but i did not pay for recorded and it got lost. My brother let me know nothing was received. He said not to worry, it happens but I could tell he did not believe i had sent it.

After this i had enough! I stopped liking anything by sil and brother on facebook. He had been nasty to my new boyfriend and she was uploading nasty memes, they are honestly a nasty pair of work! I chose not to send anything to my nephews for xmas either, why on earth would i? we wasn't talking and this is where it all blew up. I hadn't replied to any messages from brother and sister in law had withdrawn from facebook posting (think she restriced me) My brother messaged me some time last year asking what was up and I told him about the meme, he says sil had been upset about not much contact with her brother (apparentely somethng boring happened like they lost their family home) and her brother had not been in much contact trying to sort it and she felt upset. I don't believe this. She never once mentioned before about losing her family home all though i know she now has and she never mentioned on facebook about her brother.... seems like a cover up and she feels bad for being childish.

It was my brothers 30th not long ago and I am pregnant with my new boyfriend and i am so happy about it. I simply messgaed on his birthday Happy birthday brother, have a lovely day and you are gong to be an uncle. He didn't reply and I was so annoyed. He is about to be an uncle and doesn't care??! I blocked him on facebook and did the same to sil. I can't be bothered with them.

Sil then messaged and i think it was nasty. She said she wants to sort it out all of us, it's silly, she said my brother didnt reply as he didn't know what to say. WHen it old him i was pregnant i had been with my new bf 7 months so he thought it was all rushed and she said he was concerned about me due to my issues with the depression and worried it was all hasty. How judgemental can you get?! Rather than just congratulate me he was just judging me on my choices! She also said she felt it was quite nasty ignoring the kids. Why would i send stuff for the kids when they have been horrible to me?! She's being nasty expecting a card for them after the way they have acted! She then had the cheek to say my eldest newphew asked about it. He is 6. why would he ask why he didn't get anything for me? Just to make me feel bad. He clearly never asked about me at all.

I ignored it anyway and told my mum and my cousin and aunt. They didn't say much but mum has said my brother is judgemental to so i think she's on my side. She has now fell out with my brother to which makes me think even more she is on my side. She called my brother a black sheep before so i know she regards me higher than him.

Anyway aibu? Why on earth would i sent gifts when they have been nasty and sil uploads things clearly aimed at me? I just want to stay out of touch now and won't ever talk to them again unless they apologize.

OP posts:
FreeSpirit89 · 10/04/2016 11:32

He apologised and then messages you to see how he was. You ignored him. Then he ignores you. And you get annoyed. YABU and all of you very childish!

LagunaBubbles · 10/04/2016 11:35

Mumsnet don't remove threads just because you don't get everyone agreeing with you!

bluespiral · 10/04/2016 11:37

My god. I actually think my 5yo is more mature!

LisaMed · 10/04/2016 11:43

Does anyone else think that the first post sounds like creative writing - how to sound like a cunt while pretending to think you are justified?

I suggest that a more subtle approach, perhaps over several posts, be tried next time.

ohtheholidays · 10/04/2016 11:51

You sound really immature and your about to become a parent yourself.How would you feel if someone ignored your child because they weren't speaking to you?
You have alot of growing upto do before your child arrives OP.

Your brother said something nasty that upset you and he said sorry,before that your SIL had offered real support,honestly from what you've said it sounds like you've overreacted.

OliviaStabler · 10/04/2016 11:54

YABU. You are imagining slights where there are none. It is all childish behaviour. Rather than sitting down and talking about being upset by things, you play it all out on Facebook.

Sorry to be blunt, but you need to seriously grow up.

zara020 · 10/04/2016 11:55

I don't buy this at all, seems completely far fetched and fake

BedTimeNow · 10/04/2016 11:55

I hope MNHQ don't delete this thread just on the say so of the OP.

I had a thread where I was asking for advice on my employment situation and I felt a bit exposed (anyone who knew me could identify from the job i did). so I asked MNHQ to delete as I thought it would out me, I got a reply saying that they didn't delete threads basically without a good reason!

Still annoys me when I see OPs like this get deleted as its to identifying.Hmm

EweAreHere · 10/04/2016 12:20

You don't sound very nice, OP. Hmm

Skipping the interim pages of comments and based on your post, you've made yourself sound petty, immature and like you actively look for offence. You've made the sense of being slighted and hard done by as your own.

And you 'punished' children, your nephews, because you're mad at their parents, for something you've blown completely out of proportion.

Frankly, you're lucky your SIL and Brother are trying to fix their relationship with you.

Kaddy · 10/04/2016 12:23

This is why the world needs a Facebook Proficiency Test. Hmm

JessieMcJessie · 10/04/2016 12:41

You do know that there are very cheap international calling plans available? And that if you don't like Skype video calls you can do voice only, just like a normal phone call? And that WhatsApp has voice calls now too. none of this is expensive, some is free. I know because I lived outside the UK for 6 years.

There is NO EXCUSE to rely on Facebook to maintain family relationships, and if you only spoke properly to your relatives you might not be in a position where the written word causes you to imagine all sorts of slights against you and run with misunderstandings until everyone stops communicating altogether.

Immature in the extreme- particularly the judginess about SIL only having 90 friends on Facebook. You need to grow up before that baby is born.

TheDuchessOfArbroathsHat · 10/04/2016 12:43

Am I the only person here that thinks this rings far too many gf bells? Do people really believe this one?

What a load of made up shit

Nope.

Yup.

notapizzaeater · 10/04/2016 12:52

Bloody hell, grow up ! You all sound like squabbling young children. Everything aside your nephews haven't done anything wrong, why would you punish them for their silly parents ?

magoria · 10/04/2016 12:57

I hope MNHQ don't delete just because you don't like the answers you got.

BoatyMcBoat · 10/04/2016 13:14

I do hope HQ don't delete the thread. There are far too many posters crying to get threads deleted because they don't like the replies these days, and I'm sick to death of HQ giving in.

RattieOfCatan · 10/04/2016 13:14

They sound better off without you tbh. You have completely overreacted to what sounds like a molehill (one that your brother apologised for!) and you are the one acting like a spoilt brat, not your brother and SIL. I can't believe that you're 26. Something boring like losing her family home, seriously? Boring? I didn't have a great childhood but I'd still be pretty upset if we were in a position of losing the family home, surely you can see that?!

I also don't have kids but I'd never let my feelings about my siblings get in the way of giving my nephews/nieces a gift at Christmas (well, one nephew!). And at 6 your nephew would have realised that you hadn't even sent him a card, he's a child, not stupid.

You say you won't back down about sending presents to your nephews. I do hope you won't be expecting them to send your baby presents when it's born?
I'm fully expecting her to come back when the baby is born whinging about how they haven't sent her something.

Stillunexpected · 10/04/2016 13:16

Thank heavens school holidays are over tomorrow. It's been quite a couple of weeks on here!

PortiaCastis · 10/04/2016 13:20

Don't live your life through facebook

curren · 10/04/2016 13:22

still Easter holidays are only one week in, in the area next to ours! Shock

ilovesooty · 10/04/2016 13:31

I hope MNHQ don't decide to use troll hunting to justify deleting this.
It would simply reinforce the notion that if you don't like the answers you get (and the OP explicitly said she was looking for straight talking) you can just whine to MNHQ and get your thread deleted.

WonderingAspie · 10/04/2016 13:35

MNHQ won't delete for nothing.

Grow the fuck up and your brother and SIL sound like lovely caring people who would be better off without your petulant behaviour in their lives. So for their sakes please stay away from them.

I can't believe you are for real! Read your OP back and catch a hold of yourself. There is nothing there that would warrant your hostility to them. I have health problems and have had depression many times. Not one of my 4 siblings have ever ever asked how I am. They don't get in touch unless I do first either. You have no idea how fucking lucky you are to have a caring sibling.

PerspicaciaTick · 10/04/2016 13:36

Hello OP.

Brother and sister in law nasty to me
AdrenalineFudge · 10/04/2016 13:47

I'm tired just from reading your OP, let alone your subsequent posts. Gah!

BitOutOfPractice · 10/04/2016 13:49

MNHQ regularly do delete because the OP don't like what they've read. They usually say it's to protect their identity Hmm

LisaMed · 10/04/2016 13:50

Another week of school holidays here.

Love the idea of 'Facebook Proficiency Test' I use FB to play games.

Swipe left for the next trending thread