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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Brother and sister in law nasty to me

194 replies

AllHailKingRobb · 10/04/2016 09:12

I have just joined mumsnet though I have lurked on threads I see pop up on facebook so thought this was the best place to come to get a straight answer.

This time last year i was with my ex boyfriend and had depression pretty bad, I live in a different country to my brother and sister in law but came home for a week to clear my head. Sil had had depression before and said she was always there to help, to her defense she messaged frequently and even offered to get the anti depressants I am on for me (I pay in my country quite a lot and it's cheaper in england) I refused and managed anyway. She married my brother in june and asked me to be her bridesmaid which i accepted. I split up with my boyfriend in May 2015 and they married in June 2015 so I attended alone. Everything seemed fine.

I will not lie and say during my depression i cheated on my ex boyfriend in December 2015. We split briefly for a week then got back together in April then split in may again. I then dumped him and got with the man i cheated on him with in July 2015.

My new boyfriend had a silly made up name on facebook at the time and brother started taking the mick. I was so upset, he is my new boyfriend ffs! Surely it's nicer to make him feel settled in the family? Brother said he was sorry and thought it was light hearted and apologised but i think he is just mean and nasty. After that my new boyfriend had some issues whcih led to him being in hospital and my brother kept messaging and asking how he was, how i was doing. I i ignored him. He was horrible to my boyfriend and made him feel like rubbish so I didn't want to talk to him anymore and i felt like the messages were to try and make him "good guy" and i don't buy it

In about august sil uploaded a photo about how water could be thicker than blood and her and her friend commented on the photo, she only normally uploads jokey photos or quotes she likes that dont have relevance to her but her and her friend commented below which i feel was digs at me. I thought this was so rude. I knew it was about me but she then had the nerve to message that week asking how the depression was and i ignored it. She claimed she also posted me a necklace for my birthday but i never got it. Hmm She said it was signed for my end though on her tracking service (she sent it to my ex boyfriends house, i did tell her to as I was still moving my stuff out and going back) the signature she said was not readable so she got her money refunded. I just don't believe her. That photo was clearly aimed at me.

Anyway my two newphews birthdays are in the summer. I did send something for them but i did not pay for recorded and it got lost. My brother let me know nothing was received. He said not to worry, it happens but I could tell he did not believe i had sent it.

After this i had enough! I stopped liking anything by sil and brother on facebook. He had been nasty to my new boyfriend and she was uploading nasty memes, they are honestly a nasty pair of work! I chose not to send anything to my nephews for xmas either, why on earth would i? we wasn't talking and this is where it all blew up. I hadn't replied to any messages from brother and sister in law had withdrawn from facebook posting (think she restriced me) My brother messaged me some time last year asking what was up and I told him about the meme, he says sil had been upset about not much contact with her brother (apparentely somethng boring happened like they lost their family home) and her brother had not been in much contact trying to sort it and she felt upset. I don't believe this. She never once mentioned before about losing her family home all though i know she now has and she never mentioned on facebook about her brother.... seems like a cover up and she feels bad for being childish.

It was my brothers 30th not long ago and I am pregnant with my new boyfriend and i am so happy about it. I simply messgaed on his birthday Happy birthday brother, have a lovely day and you are gong to be an uncle. He didn't reply and I was so annoyed. He is about to be an uncle and doesn't care??! I blocked him on facebook and did the same to sil. I can't be bothered with them.

Sil then messaged and i think it was nasty. She said she wants to sort it out all of us, it's silly, she said my brother didnt reply as he didn't know what to say. WHen it old him i was pregnant i had been with my new bf 7 months so he thought it was all rushed and she said he was concerned about me due to my issues with the depression and worried it was all hasty. How judgemental can you get?! Rather than just congratulate me he was just judging me on my choices! She also said she felt it was quite nasty ignoring the kids. Why would i send stuff for the kids when they have been horrible to me?! She's being nasty expecting a card for them after the way they have acted! She then had the cheek to say my eldest newphew asked about it. He is 6. why would he ask why he didn't get anything for me? Just to make me feel bad. He clearly never asked about me at all.

I ignored it anyway and told my mum and my cousin and aunt. They didn't say much but mum has said my brother is judgemental to so i think she's on my side. She has now fell out with my brother to which makes me think even more she is on my side. She called my brother a black sheep before so i know she regards me higher than him.

Anyway aibu? Why on earth would i sent gifts when they have been nasty and sil uploads things clearly aimed at me? I just want to stay out of touch now and won't ever talk to them again unless they apologize.

OP posts:
Annarose2014 · 10/04/2016 09:44

Yes, you are being unfair about the situation.

But you won't believe that.

You prefer to believe everyone is against you. It sounds like a fixed delusion, tbh.

Nothing anyone can say will shake it.

nocoffeenouppee · 10/04/2016 09:44

Quick, straight to Jeremy Kyle. Do not pass go. Or you could tell teacher. 26? You sound immature for 16.

curren · 10/04/2016 09:44

again why should i just lay back and take insults to my bf? so what he has a silly name.

It's a silly made up name presumably to make people laugh. The silly made up name is a joke. But seemingly you can't take it. Maybe because of your depression or may be you are like this all the time.

Maybe he is pissed off that after ignoring him, you only got in touch in his birthday to tell him you were pg. why would you do that? May be he thinks you did it to get attention on his birthday. If he thinks like you.

You ignore people them demand they act in a way you find appropriate. Yabu

BitOutOfPractice · 10/04/2016 09:44

I think you should remain no contact for their sake. Not yours. They're better off without you

Nocabbageinmyeye · 10/04/2016 09:45

Is your bf's "silly name"... King Robb??

Because if it is then lets face he was asking for jibes to be made at him

Buttons23 · 10/04/2016 09:45

It all sounds very petty and childish and you don't sound any better than your brother or sil.

Why you are kicking up a fuss at your brother ignoring your pregnancy when you ignore his sons I don't know. Why on earth should he make a fuss of your child and being an uncle when you didn't even send Christmas cards to his boys. Quite frankly me and my sister have fought before but our children have brought us closer and we would never ever ignore them no matter what was going on between us. No wonder your brother wasn't about to make a big fuss.

You need to grow up.

AugustaFinkNottle · 10/04/2016 09:46

*she said i should have sent a present but at the same time i probably don't understand as i don't have kids of my own so i dont realise how hurtful it is.

But you've been a child. Surely you can work out that it will hurt a child if he's suddenly ignored? And in fact that it will hurt the child a whole lot more than it will hurt his parents?

(Original post changed slightly as I really can't bear "should of").

sonjadog · 10/04/2016 09:46

Your behaviour is ridiculous. You are determined to take offence and make everything about you. I think your brother and SiL have shown great patience with you. You need to grow up and realise that not everything is about you.

DownstairsMixUp · 10/04/2016 09:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MorrisZapp · 10/04/2016 09:47

'SIL doesn't have many FB friends, only about 90'

This is what we call over egging.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 10/04/2016 09:47

She lost her family home and apologised to you ? Leaving them alone would be best, you sound unhinged and a nightmare

This, precisely this.

OP; you are aboutto become a mother ffs, so stop acting like a petulant child.

Delete Facebook,apologise to your SILfor your, frankly, ridiculous behaviour and stop punishing your nephew and send him gifts!

waceystills · 10/04/2016 09:47

Wow, those are some big blinkers you're wearing.

LittleBearPad · 10/04/2016 09:48

You are being staggeringly unfair to your nephew.

I cannot believe you are 26. You sound like you're an immature 12 year old.

Do grow up. You're about to become a mother.

Rebecca2014 · 10/04/2016 09:48

Is this an reverse thread? Anyway...many times me or my siblings could hold grudges against each other, but life is too short and sometimes you need let things go and not be so sensitive. Some people have no contact with their siblings for silly disagreements, don't be one of them.

magoria · 10/04/2016 09:48

You need help.

RidersOnTheStorm · 10/04/2016 09:49

YABVVU and childish.

Frankly, if I was your bro and SiL I'd consider myself well rid of you and your made up dramas.

umizoomi · 10/04/2016 09:49

I think YABU. This all started with your brother taking the piss out of new boyfriend (ok not great) but seemingly he apologised and yet you feel it was nasty and a reason to not speak?

Everything they have done you have taken as a personal attack on you when you have no proof that is the case.

Your brother was concerned that after you were depressed you had a v new boyfriend and are pregnant. Why is it judgemental to be concerned?

You sent him a one line message to wish him Happy Birthday (no card) and then chose THAT moment to tell him you are pregnant. Self - absorbed by chance?!

Ignoring the kids is awful.

You sound self absorbed and self pitying and a lot of hard work

LittleBearPad · 10/04/2016 09:51

i think i will maintain no contact.

Lucky DB and SIL.

curren · 10/04/2016 09:51

I think the OP suffers from golden child syndrome. And can't stand the fact that her brother is now living closer to her mum.

She sounds very smug about her mother holding her in higher regard and him being a tear away.

She has been brought up to think her brother is always in the wrong and a twat.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2016 09:52

In fact the best thing you can so is leave the family alone - your brother and sister in law have a family to raise without your selfish behaviour.

And why bother posting when you are so convinced you are right?

You need to grow up before your baby arrives.

Pettywoman · 10/04/2016 09:52

You need to develop a thicker skin and stop thinking every little thing is a slight at you. Your brother and SIL may have had as couple of little digs and they may be annoyed with you. They've also tried to reach out to you and been ignored. Your behaviour hasn't exactly been beyond reproach.

It all sounds overly dramatic and very immature.

Ask yourself if you value your relationship with your brother or not. If so apologies are needed.

oleoleoleole · 10/04/2016 09:52

Six of one half a dozen of the other.

DownstairsMixUp · 10/04/2016 09:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

M00nUnit · 10/04/2016 09:54

I can barely believe this is real. When I read your post I kept thinking you might say something to redeem yourself or explain why you are the wronged party here but no, you just sounded more and more selfish and deluded.

"Something BORING like losing the family home"? I'd imagine that was pretty devastating and life changing for her family yet you decide to describe it as "boring". Plus your SIL had depression and very kindly offered to help you with yours. She sounds lovely to me.

Your BIL made fun of your boyfriend's Facebook name then apologised and sent kind, thoughtful messages to you both, but for some reason you don't think the messages were genuine. If he didn't care he wouldn't even have been thinking about you would he? He wouldn't have thought to message you at all.

To punish your 6 year old nephew for something you perceive his parents have done is just shockingly nasty. The poor little boy! What's he done to deserve being treated like that by an adult who's supposed to love him?

You really need to stop thinking the world revolves around you (I highly doubt your SIL's FB post about family had anything whatsoever to do with you by the way - your BIL's explanation makes perfect sense) and start considering other people's feelings. Especially when it comes to innocent children!

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 10/04/2016 09:54

You're the one who has acted poorly here. It sounds like you think they are out to get you and this could be down to your depression but you need to take a giant leap back and stop the drama.

I detest my brother' ex-girlfriend I think she's a lying, manipulative thief and the relationship between us isn't good but at this moment in time I'm trying to find a birthday present for my niece because she's separate from my brother and his ex.

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