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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Brother and sister in law nasty to me

194 replies

AllHailKingRobb · 10/04/2016 09:12

I have just joined mumsnet though I have lurked on threads I see pop up on facebook so thought this was the best place to come to get a straight answer.

This time last year i was with my ex boyfriend and had depression pretty bad, I live in a different country to my brother and sister in law but came home for a week to clear my head. Sil had had depression before and said she was always there to help, to her defense she messaged frequently and even offered to get the anti depressants I am on for me (I pay in my country quite a lot and it's cheaper in england) I refused and managed anyway. She married my brother in june and asked me to be her bridesmaid which i accepted. I split up with my boyfriend in May 2015 and they married in June 2015 so I attended alone. Everything seemed fine.

I will not lie and say during my depression i cheated on my ex boyfriend in December 2015. We split briefly for a week then got back together in April then split in may again. I then dumped him and got with the man i cheated on him with in July 2015.

My new boyfriend had a silly made up name on facebook at the time and brother started taking the mick. I was so upset, he is my new boyfriend ffs! Surely it's nicer to make him feel settled in the family? Brother said he was sorry and thought it was light hearted and apologised but i think he is just mean and nasty. After that my new boyfriend had some issues whcih led to him being in hospital and my brother kept messaging and asking how he was, how i was doing. I i ignored him. He was horrible to my boyfriend and made him feel like rubbish so I didn't want to talk to him anymore and i felt like the messages were to try and make him "good guy" and i don't buy it

In about august sil uploaded a photo about how water could be thicker than blood and her and her friend commented on the photo, she only normally uploads jokey photos or quotes she likes that dont have relevance to her but her and her friend commented below which i feel was digs at me. I thought this was so rude. I knew it was about me but she then had the nerve to message that week asking how the depression was and i ignored it. She claimed she also posted me a necklace for my birthday but i never got it. Hmm She said it was signed for my end though on her tracking service (she sent it to my ex boyfriends house, i did tell her to as I was still moving my stuff out and going back) the signature she said was not readable so she got her money refunded. I just don't believe her. That photo was clearly aimed at me.

Anyway my two newphews birthdays are in the summer. I did send something for them but i did not pay for recorded and it got lost. My brother let me know nothing was received. He said not to worry, it happens but I could tell he did not believe i had sent it.

After this i had enough! I stopped liking anything by sil and brother on facebook. He had been nasty to my new boyfriend and she was uploading nasty memes, they are honestly a nasty pair of work! I chose not to send anything to my nephews for xmas either, why on earth would i? we wasn't talking and this is where it all blew up. I hadn't replied to any messages from brother and sister in law had withdrawn from facebook posting (think she restriced me) My brother messaged me some time last year asking what was up and I told him about the meme, he says sil had been upset about not much contact with her brother (apparentely somethng boring happened like they lost their family home) and her brother had not been in much contact trying to sort it and she felt upset. I don't believe this. She never once mentioned before about losing her family home all though i know she now has and she never mentioned on facebook about her brother.... seems like a cover up and she feels bad for being childish.

It was my brothers 30th not long ago and I am pregnant with my new boyfriend and i am so happy about it. I simply messgaed on his birthday Happy birthday brother, have a lovely day and you are gong to be an uncle. He didn't reply and I was so annoyed. He is about to be an uncle and doesn't care??! I blocked him on facebook and did the same to sil. I can't be bothered with them.

Sil then messaged and i think it was nasty. She said she wants to sort it out all of us, it's silly, she said my brother didnt reply as he didn't know what to say. WHen it old him i was pregnant i had been with my new bf 7 months so he thought it was all rushed and she said he was concerned about me due to my issues with the depression and worried it was all hasty. How judgemental can you get?! Rather than just congratulate me he was just judging me on my choices! She also said she felt it was quite nasty ignoring the kids. Why would i send stuff for the kids when they have been horrible to me?! She's being nasty expecting a card for them after the way they have acted! She then had the cheek to say my eldest newphew asked about it. He is 6. why would he ask why he didn't get anything for me? Just to make me feel bad. He clearly never asked about me at all.

I ignored it anyway and told my mum and my cousin and aunt. They didn't say much but mum has said my brother is judgemental to so i think she's on my side. She has now fell out with my brother to which makes me think even more she is on my side. She called my brother a black sheep before so i know she regards me higher than him.

Anyway aibu? Why on earth would i sent gifts when they have been nasty and sil uploads things clearly aimed at me? I just want to stay out of touch now and won't ever talk to them again unless they apologize.

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 10/04/2016 10:16

Ok I'm prepared to give you a slight pass as you're 26.

But seriously this is your brother here... They lost their home which is almost as serious if you were eg evicted from your rental flat/house.

You are seriously taking stuff way too seriously and to heart about memes, slights and taking it way OTT. Your SIL and DB probably understand, care and are willing to forgive and apologise (especially SIL) where a lot of people especially SILs (read other posts in AIBU about them) wouldn't give you the time of day or accept your apology.

Do you really want your baby not to ever meet or have contact with its cousins or aunt/uncle? Really?

When I was younger I admit I used to blow up (mood swings etc) took offence easily and held grudges, it only means people tread round you and avoid speaking to you as you're too much hard work, in my case I had an underactive thyroid problem which can cause mood swings, also bad PMT.

You are acting like a child and if you continue you'll be treated like a child. Not the best way to carry on if you're soon to become a parent. Pathetic behaviour towards your DB and SIL and most of all nephews who are utterly blameless.

curren · 10/04/2016 10:16

There are loads of things I haven't experienced. I can still understand when other people are upset when they experience them.

You sound awful tbh

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2016 10:17

You say you won't back down about sending presents to your nephews. I do hope you won't be expecting them to send your baby presents when it's born?

M00nUnit · 10/04/2016 10:17

You've given a lot of detail in your posts and 100% of people who have responded have said YABU. You've also been given a lot of well thought reasons as to why your behaviour is so disgusting. Yet the ONLY thing you've got from all this is that you were "probably" nasty about the loss of the family home. Wow. Why did you bother posting here at all?

fuzzyllama · 10/04/2016 10:18

For goodness sake, grow up. Treating your nephew unfairly because you are annoyed with your brother and sil because of stuff they post on shiting Facebook ? Yabu. Grow up, get off Facebook and concentrate on being a better mother than you are a sister.

DixieNormas · 10/04/2016 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exLtEveDallas · 10/04/2016 10:19

Am I the only person here that thinks this rings far too many gf bells? Do people really believe this one?

NeedACleverNN · 10/04/2016 10:20

You say you won't back down about sending presents to your nephews. I do hope you won't be expecting them to send your baby presents when it's born

Just what I was thinking! Grin

MyKingdomForBrie · 10/04/2016 10:20

They have done NOTHING wrong. Your SIL is a bloody Saint for putting up with your shit, and your brother is right it is way too rushed.

DownstairsMixUp · 10/04/2016 10:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

AugustaFinkNottle · 10/04/2016 10:21

as for the sending presents i also thought it was better so then he could forget about us if we wont be in touch anymore

But this was last Christmas and you are still in touch with your brother. You're making things up now to justify your nastiness to your nephews.

SuperFlyHigh · 10/04/2016 10:22

A final point for you to think about OP most people either treat FB as an outlet for fun and games etc sharing nice stuff and hide the serious bits like losing a house.

I'm almost wondering if this is a joke, your SIL messaged frequently and offered to get your meds for you and then Brother after realising he'd made a not funny joke apologised and asked more than once how your boyfriend was doing in hospital - those aren't the actions of uncaring people. SIL is extending an olive branch trying to get this resolved. bangs head on brick wall

firesidechat · 10/04/2016 10:23

Am I the only person here that thinks this rings far too many gf bells? Do people really believe this one?

Just what I was thinking.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 10/04/2016 10:25

This all seems to have started from the joke about the Facebook name and how hurt your boyfriend was and how your brother wasn't welcoming.

But surely if you have a jokey Facebook name (eg "Daffy Duck Smith" when his name is actually Dafydd Smith) then what you are saying is "I have a sense of humour and like jokes about ducks".

So when your brother - knowing very little about your new beau other than this - wrote "Hi Quackers One", he was just trying to be as welcoming as he could. He was trying to be nice and bond with a stranger using what info he had.

And despite that he still apologised - more than once - and yet you won't forgive him?

You are really going to lose your brother and your nephews (who you claim to love) over this?

DownstairsMixUp · 10/04/2016 10:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

RoseDog · 10/04/2016 10:27

Reading the OP was like listening to my 13 year old daughter after a day at school...

ilovesooty · 10/04/2016 10:29

Well, that's five minutes of my life I won't get back.

GabiSolis · 10/04/2016 10:29

You sound like you may be one of the most immature and dramatic people I've come across on here. I hesitated writing that because I suspect a lot of your behaviour may be because your depression has caused you to lose perspective.

This all started because of some teasing over a daft Facebook name. FFS seriously?! Your DB apologised and you threw a strop. I'm sure you got your point across and this is where you should've let it go. You turned it into something you didn't need to. This is not reasonable behaviour. I hope you realise that now.

You moan that your DB/SIL weren't supportive of your pregnancy. Well....you yourself say that a year ago you were with another boyfriend who you had an on-off relationship with and that you cheated on him. During this period you also suffered depression. You have been with your current boyfriend for only nine months. Can you honestly say that if the situation was reversed you wouldn't be concerned about your sibling's choices?

Also, complaining that you have been ignored while you have been cold shouldering everyone else? Come on, even you must realise how ridiculous that is. As for the Facebook shit. Stop taking everything so personally. It is not all about you. Once you realise that and accept it, you will perhaps gain back a reasonable perspective.

Honestly OP, you need to apologise and then apologise some more. You also need to stop trying to compete with your DB and enjoying so much that you think you are the favourite with your DM. This is not normal or healthy behaviour by any stretch of the imagination.

I wish you all the best, but I think you need to think very carefully about where you go next. You may need your family at some point and if you burn your bridges by continuing this unreasonable behaviour you may find they won't be there for you.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 10/04/2016 10:33

Ugh. You sound like a particularly immature and unpleasant child 🙄

seven201 · 10/04/2016 10:33

I agree with others, you sound much younger than 26, like a young teenager. You also seem to be overthinking things and being paranoid. I think you need to apologise to them and ask if it can all be forgotten so you can start afresh. None of what you have written about their actions sounds wrong to me.

BoatyMcBoat · 10/04/2016 10:37

You're behaving like a 3 year old. Grow up, leave the playground.

Oh, and don't drag other family members into your silly little 'choose me' war.

OneThingAndThenTheNext · 10/04/2016 10:38

You sound like a total prat. You're SIL and DB have done much for you and continually tried to look out for you, and you repay them with brattish tantrums. Do keep up NC, they are better off without you.

razmataz · 10/04/2016 10:38

OP you sound completely unhinged.

Your brother and SIL sound like really kind, caring people who have made far more effort with you than most would have bothered with.

On the flip side you're determined to take offence at every interaction - even when it is abundantly clear that there is no intended slight to you at all.

For their sake I hope you do cut contact with them, as you sound like a total nightmare.

firesidechat · 10/04/2016 10:38

Can you buy antidepressants in this country? I know you can probably buy them from a website, but wouldn't that be from abroad? In any case it sounds very dangerous.

Alisvolatpropiis · 10/04/2016 10:42

I'm sure your brother and sil will be just devastated that you have decided to maintain no contact 🙄

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