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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Brother and sister in law nasty to me

194 replies

AllHailKingRobb · 10/04/2016 09:12

I have just joined mumsnet though I have lurked on threads I see pop up on facebook so thought this was the best place to come to get a straight answer.

This time last year i was with my ex boyfriend and had depression pretty bad, I live in a different country to my brother and sister in law but came home for a week to clear my head. Sil had had depression before and said she was always there to help, to her defense she messaged frequently and even offered to get the anti depressants I am on for me (I pay in my country quite a lot and it's cheaper in england) I refused and managed anyway. She married my brother in june and asked me to be her bridesmaid which i accepted. I split up with my boyfriend in May 2015 and they married in June 2015 so I attended alone. Everything seemed fine.

I will not lie and say during my depression i cheated on my ex boyfriend in December 2015. We split briefly for a week then got back together in April then split in may again. I then dumped him and got with the man i cheated on him with in July 2015.

My new boyfriend had a silly made up name on facebook at the time and brother started taking the mick. I was so upset, he is my new boyfriend ffs! Surely it's nicer to make him feel settled in the family? Brother said he was sorry and thought it was light hearted and apologised but i think he is just mean and nasty. After that my new boyfriend had some issues whcih led to him being in hospital and my brother kept messaging and asking how he was, how i was doing. I i ignored him. He was horrible to my boyfriend and made him feel like rubbish so I didn't want to talk to him anymore and i felt like the messages were to try and make him "good guy" and i don't buy it

In about august sil uploaded a photo about how water could be thicker than blood and her and her friend commented on the photo, she only normally uploads jokey photos or quotes she likes that dont have relevance to her but her and her friend commented below which i feel was digs at me. I thought this was so rude. I knew it was about me but she then had the nerve to message that week asking how the depression was and i ignored it. She claimed she also posted me a necklace for my birthday but i never got it. Hmm She said it was signed for my end though on her tracking service (she sent it to my ex boyfriends house, i did tell her to as I was still moving my stuff out and going back) the signature she said was not readable so she got her money refunded. I just don't believe her. That photo was clearly aimed at me.

Anyway my two newphews birthdays are in the summer. I did send something for them but i did not pay for recorded and it got lost. My brother let me know nothing was received. He said not to worry, it happens but I could tell he did not believe i had sent it.

After this i had enough! I stopped liking anything by sil and brother on facebook. He had been nasty to my new boyfriend and she was uploading nasty memes, they are honestly a nasty pair of work! I chose not to send anything to my nephews for xmas either, why on earth would i? we wasn't talking and this is where it all blew up. I hadn't replied to any messages from brother and sister in law had withdrawn from facebook posting (think she restriced me) My brother messaged me some time last year asking what was up and I told him about the meme, he says sil had been upset about not much contact with her brother (apparentely somethng boring happened like they lost their family home) and her brother had not been in much contact trying to sort it and she felt upset. I don't believe this. She never once mentioned before about losing her family home all though i know she now has and she never mentioned on facebook about her brother.... seems like a cover up and she feels bad for being childish.

It was my brothers 30th not long ago and I am pregnant with my new boyfriend and i am so happy about it. I simply messgaed on his birthday Happy birthday brother, have a lovely day and you are gong to be an uncle. He didn't reply and I was so annoyed. He is about to be an uncle and doesn't care??! I blocked him on facebook and did the same to sil. I can't be bothered with them.

Sil then messaged and i think it was nasty. She said she wants to sort it out all of us, it's silly, she said my brother didnt reply as he didn't know what to say. WHen it old him i was pregnant i had been with my new bf 7 months so he thought it was all rushed and she said he was concerned about me due to my issues with the depression and worried it was all hasty. How judgemental can you get?! Rather than just congratulate me he was just judging me on my choices! She also said she felt it was quite nasty ignoring the kids. Why would i send stuff for the kids when they have been horrible to me?! She's being nasty expecting a card for them after the way they have acted! She then had the cheek to say my eldest newphew asked about it. He is 6. why would he ask why he didn't get anything for me? Just to make me feel bad. He clearly never asked about me at all.

I ignored it anyway and told my mum and my cousin and aunt. They didn't say much but mum has said my brother is judgemental to so i think she's on my side. She has now fell out with my brother to which makes me think even more she is on my side. She called my brother a black sheep before so i know she regards me higher than him.

Anyway aibu? Why on earth would i sent gifts when they have been nasty and sil uploads things clearly aimed at me? I just want to stay out of touch now and won't ever talk to them again unless they apologize.

OP posts:
Aspergallus · 10/04/2016 10:42

Total drama queen.

Honestly you sound about 13 years old.

All the slights against you are your own interpretation of normal behaviour.

I'm not suprised your brother was speechless about your pregancy. He probably think you are too immature and is worried. To an objective outsider his concerns seem reasonable.

Look, life isnt perfect, families aren't perfect, friends aren't perfect. People will not always act exactly as you choose, sometimes they'll let you down, misjudge a joke, misjudge what it means to be supportive. Have their own hang ups etc. Doesnt mean they are bad or against you. Just means they are human. You need to dial down your sensitivity and live and let live a little or you are going to spend your whole life in some sort of Jeremy Kyle/Springer style imagined drama, while everyone decides that you are too much hard work, you are not worth being in contact with, you are too toxic and dramatic to have around their children.

You sound like someone who could do with learning to mentalise a bit...google mentalisation based therapy and see if it's available to you.

At least try and live without facebook for a bit, you dont sound like someone who can keep it in perspective.

AugustaFinkNottle · 10/04/2016 10:43

Re the Facebook name, you seem to be unaware that it's very very common for blokes to take the piss out of their friends in an entirely good-natured way, and I suspect that that is what your brother was doing. If you boyfriend uses a joky name, he must surely have expected people to make jokes about it. If anything, your brother was being friendly to your boyfriend and it's a pity that neither your nor your boyfriend realise that.

AllHailKingRobb · 10/04/2016 10:45

Thanks for replies. I have got to work and have asked for thread to be deleted. I think comments here are harsh but some have made me think. I don't want a relationship with my brother but getting off Facebook and the depression I think I need to have a look at. I don't agree with some stuff said on here but it has been some help. I've asked this to be removed now but thanks for the responses it has made me think of one or two things

OP posts:
Totesgawjushun69 · 10/04/2016 10:45

I call wind up.....

GissASquizz · 10/04/2016 10:47

It's all you.

AliceInUnderpants · 10/04/2016 10:47

Can I also say that I am very concerned of your boyfriend's position in this. If I were him, I'd be pointing out to you that you are being unreasonable. The fact that he is, presumably, shhing and patting you on the back suggests to me that he is happy to have you distanced from your family. That rings alarm bells to me when you are already vulnerable.

AliceInUnderpants · 10/04/2016 10:48

I have got to work and have asked for thread to be deleted.

Shock Surprise!

Don't tell me, too identifying?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/04/2016 10:48

You are totally unreasonable. Seriously, read your original post back! You are the issue and you are the one causing trouble but trying to be the victim.

firesidechat · 10/04/2016 10:48

That's ok op I've already reported and I suspect others have too.

miraclebabyplease · 10/04/2016 10:50

I hope this is fake as taking it out on the nephews is the meanest action in the whole story.

veryproudvolleyballmum · 10/04/2016 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Colchestergal · 10/04/2016 10:51

Haven't read the relies. You sound like you are 5 and still at school.

Get a grip. Stop playing your life out on Facebook and GROW UP.

tethersend · 10/04/2016 10:54

What a load of made up shit.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 10/04/2016 10:57
LagunaBubbles · 10/04/2016 11:01

Honestly? This had better be a reverse (and I hate them!) as how could anyone be so immature and stupid. You have no idea what is aimed at you and what isn't. And ignoring your nephews is nasty.

GabiSolis · 10/04/2016 11:02

Yeah this is pretty standard isn't it?

OP: Am I being unreasonable?

Everyone: Yes. Unreasonable, immature, awful.

OP: No I'm not!

Everyone: Yes you are, take a look at yourself!

OP:

GabiSolis · 10/04/2016 11:03

Yeah this is pretty standard isn't it?

OP: Am I being unreasonable?

Everyone: Yes. Unreasonable, immature, awful.

OP: No I'm not!

Everyone: Yes you are, take a look at yourself!

OP:

totalrecall1 · 10/04/2016 11:05

This can't be a real thread. It was written by a ten year old.

MsFiestyPants · 10/04/2016 11:13

You sound immature and a bit deluded.maybe they dont like your attitude when you have cheated on someone fucked off with someone else and been all me me me when theyve clearly tried to help you. YABU to exclude a child.

AugustaFinkNottle · 10/04/2016 11:20

It's also a bit standard for someone who hasn't got the answers she wanted to ask for the thread to be deleted.

LittleRedSparke · 10/04/2016 11:21

" I've asked this to be removed now "

Why?

emilybrontescorset · 10/04/2016 11:26

So you cheat on your boyfriend and get pregnant very quickly with the om.
The om has a name which begs others to take the piss.

Your brother is less than happy about you conceiving a child with this man.

Your sil posts a gift which goes missing and she is lying. You do the same but you are telling the truth.

Sil says that some friends mean more than relatives.

You stop contacting brother and sil.
You stop acknowledging your nephew.

You seem delighted that your mum prefers you.

Seriously there is an unborn child here.

You sound awful and that is putting it mildly.

If I were your brother ior sil I would write you off and not bother with you again.

Good luck with the om.

ilovesooty · 10/04/2016 11:27

I'll be very interested in the deletion message. It's becoming all too common for posters to request deletion citing identifying posts but really because they don't like the answers and for MNHQ to comply.
Or perhaps they'll "pop it down while we take a look at the OP".

curren · 10/04/2016 11:29

'I have asked for this to be deleted'

Means I don't want any record of what a twat I am behaving like

Sandbrook · 10/04/2016 11:32

OP in the nicest way possible, you are very immature for your age. Cutting off you brother and his wife over this, could be a massive mistake.
They genuinely sound worried about you and even if your brother was a nightmare growing up it sounds like he now has his feet on the ground and you even attribute that to his his wife.
This new boyfriend thing about him being upset over his silly name being laughed at is ridiculously childish. Forget it and move on.
You say you're 26, you really need to start behaving like it or you will end up ostracising yourself from everyone around you. You seem to take offence to the slightest thing but are gobsmacked when someone you do something nasty and others get annoyed.
Narcissists have to start somewhere, don't be one.