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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to want to have been offered some money?

574 replies

Blitzburgher · 09/04/2016 23:03

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

OP posts:
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6
Jojoriley · 10/04/2016 19:27

This is the sort of dilemma Aibu is made for! Great text OP- am I right in thinking this type of thing only happens in England?

TalkMeDownPlease · 10/04/2016 19:28

FiveGoMad I have been wondering that too...it just seems such an odd request when guests are about to turn up. Maybe the hosts then felt awkward as OP took the text literally. Still seems weird all round thoughHmm

lostindevon · 10/04/2016 19:42

Cheeky bugger!
That's so rude!

chocomochi · 10/04/2016 19:46

That's quite cheeky of the host to not acknowledge the cost, especially when she gave you back an empty bag! Hope you get a good explanation to your text.

QuestionableMouse · 10/04/2016 19:53

My god, some of you have more money than sense. Write off £55? I'd rather be thought rude than lose money I couldn't afford to lose!

dustarr73 · 10/04/2016 19:55

Has she got form for this op.Or was it a genuine e mistake that she forgot to pay you.

Possiblestudentteacher · 10/04/2016 19:57

£55 is a whole weeks shopping for my partner and I!

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 10/04/2016 19:58

I can't believe she hasn't replied. Rude cow. How much do you like her as a friend?

bloodyteenagers · 10/04/2016 20:01

If it was a joke though then it would be handed back surely with a oh shit I wasn't serious, comment.
If it was a joke then that doesn't explain the radio silence.

expatinscotland · 10/04/2016 20:04

Methinks she will not pay you back.

BastardGoDarkly · 10/04/2016 20:14

It's very odd. WHY would she order all that extra alcohol? Then go through the hassle of not paying you back/not answering/being fucking weird? Hmm

ssd · 10/04/2016 20:16

I dont fancy spending my weekends having dinners with people like this....what will you do at next weekends dinner party if you dont hear from her op?

llhj · 10/04/2016 20:31

She must have sent text as a sarcastic joke. Who asks for 4 bottles of red wine when you've a full rack?

Have you heard back?

LumpySpacedPrincess · 10/04/2016 20:44

Really odd behaviour and so rude.

Losing £55 quid would utterly scupper a lot of people.

emsyj · 10/04/2016 20:49

I once lent £30 for a taxi to a friend at the end of a very long, booze-fuelled afternoon/evening/night. I saw her several times afterwards and it wasn't mentioned. I mentally wrote it off. Then, about 4 months later, we were out having dinner with a big group and she suddenly shouted, 'Oh GOD! I never paid you back that £30!!! And you're too nice to ever have mentioned it. I feel terrible, I'm so embarrassed' - and handed me the £30.

So sometimes faith pays off!!

Hope you get paid back too OP. I would mentally write off/refuse reimbursement for a close friend for up to, say £20 - any more than that and I would be expecting them to cough up.

Chocoholicmonster · 10/04/2016 20:59

Lurking to know the outcome... No shame!

Blitzburgher · 10/04/2016 21:09

I just can't imagine her sending the message as a joke - it's not really like her at all! And we weren't super late - she'd said 7pm for dinner at 7:30 and we arrived at 7:15. Would have been earlier if we could have just nipped to shop for cigarettes and left rather than getting her whole shopping list.

We're good friends and she's never normally tight with money e.g. when splitting the bill. And I'm a good friend too - I host as often as I'm a guest! I don't want to lose a friend over this and we can afford to lose £55 but it's just so weird!

I wish I'd WhatsApped her now - at least I'd be able to see if she'd read the message.

OP posts:
llhj · 10/04/2016 21:16

Poor you. I'd be in knots with this dilemma! It's an odd one.

MiniCooperLover · 10/04/2016 21:17

So remind her to pay you and ask for the money. Pretty simple

Imnotaslimjim · 10/04/2016 21:24

Minicooper she has, she text her earlier and hasn't had a reply

stinkysnowbear · 10/04/2016 21:24

Are you joking? It's £55 between friends. They cooked. Bizarre. You are incredibly unreasonable.

penguinplease · 10/04/2016 21:25

I think you should've rung her.. Why don't you do it tomorrow , much easier to get the tone right.
But I'd be pissed if I spent £55 to refill the cupboards of the hosts!

FeralBeryl · 10/04/2016 21:25

Message was lovely, she'll probably reply once she's reimbursed you

cavedescreux · 10/04/2016 21:26

What Holly said... Maybe she hasn't replied because she is following this thread!

StealthPolarBear · 10/04/2016 21:26

Stinky presumably the op and her oh reciprocate in hosting. People are acting like the friend has done something majorly out of the ordinary

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