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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to want to have been offered some money?

574 replies

Blitzburgher · 09/04/2016 23:03

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

OP posts:
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LagunaBubbles · 10/04/2016 12:58

Collaborate, the OP did take wine - and not what the host asked her to buy. And there is no way on earth a dinner party for 10 should have to cost £500, I've cooked a three course Christmas dinner for a squad of people for much, much less. Generally guests bring alcohol to - as the OP did.

coconutpie · 10/04/2016 13:06

Great text - your friend was definitely very cheeky to not pay you for HER groceries.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 10/04/2016 13:39

Straw clutching again - maybe she took your text as asking if there was anything you could buy (ie you paid for) that she would like???

Maybe???

(And if that's it, never ask her again if there's anything she wants!)

WonderingAspie · 10/04/2016 13:48

Great message to her. I can't believe anyone would write off £55 because they seem to think you should somehow reimburse a host for having a dinner party!

Hopefully her only response will be "oh I'm so sorry, have transferred it now!" But being in a world of brass necks and the fact she didn't offer to pay straight away says her reply may not be along those lines. Grin.

ssd · 10/04/2016 14:26

good text

ScaredOffMyBoss · 10/04/2016 14:28

Great text OP!

It really annoys me when people say "you can't ask for your money it's rude", when actually the person you're addressing has been rude and you are attempting to right the wrong.

Her only acceptable response is "I'm so sorry I forgot to give you cash last night how embarrassing! Transferred now see you next weekend."

ScaredOffMyBoss · 10/04/2016 14:30

Also if you ever text her again asking if she needs anything and the response is anything over than a tenner I would reply "Oops sorry only came out with cash I was meaning more like a loaf of bread or pint of milk? Sorry don't have enough to get all that. See you soon."

Alasalas2 · 10/04/2016 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Skittlesss · 10/04/2016 15:45

The fact you had to start this thread about it makes me think she isn't going to pay up easily (as surely this has happened before?). Hope she does!!

ScaredOffMyBoss · 10/04/2016 15:53

Did she text back?

bloodyteenagers · 10/04/2016 15:53

Can the people saying you op cannot ask for the money back pm me their contact details?
I have a couple of things I want. You are doormats who will never ask for the cash back, and obviously I am a cheeky fucker Grin

Good for you op asking for the money back.

Alasalas2 · 10/04/2016 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aridane · 10/04/2016 16:18

Reading some of these posts - not the OP's, I would hasten to add - I am glad I am not on the dinner party circuit. Penguin's post in particular makes me realise I wouldn't be able to be part of a dinner party circuit as I would never be able to reciprocate (nature of my housing at the moment) - well, unless I hosted in a restaurant or did a fine picnic in a park.

M00nUnit · 10/04/2016 16:44

Has she replied yet OP?

hollyisalovelyname · 10/04/2016 17:18

OP is the hostess a Mumsnetter? Grin

coveredinhopeandvaseline · 10/04/2016 17:59

As an aside, I once had a boyfriend who had a full wine rack...of previously imbibed bottles, filled with coloured water so that it APPEARED like an expensive, full wine rack.

Cric · 10/04/2016 18:22

Did you get your money back?

Alisvolatpropiis · 10/04/2016 18:31

Marking place.

Blitzburgher · 10/04/2016 19:03

No reply and no bank transfer (but that might be because it's Sunday?).

I could just go for a vodka martini or a glass of red now.

OP posts:
Penguinepenguins · 10/04/2016 19:10

Aridane

Please don't be put off by me, just brought back memories of that one particular friend who annoyed me after she turned up with half a bottle of wine... Especially as was always the one who would have the "last" round in a pub situation and then bugger off before her turn... One friend hosted once who couldn't cook and we had chicken nuggets and chips with loads of wine - was a fab evening!

OTheHugeManatee · 10/04/2016 19:16

Shameless placemark to see if friend replies.

LineyReborn · 10/04/2016 19:20

It'll be awkward if she doesn't reply.

bloodyteenagers · 10/04/2016 19:22

Bank transfers show up almost instantly. Regardless of time and day.

JellyBeansHaveNoAgeLimit · 10/04/2016 19:23

Total place mark 😁

FiveGoMadInDorset · 10/04/2016 19:23

Do you think it was a sarcastic text in the first place as you were late? Just thinking outside the box. And she wasn't expecting you to get anything.

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