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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to want to have been offered some money?

574 replies

Blitzburgher · 09/04/2016 23:03

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

OP posts:
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6
ImperialBlether · 10/04/2016 21:27

stinkysnowbear, if they cook for each other, then it is unreasonable to slap a £55 bill onto the OP.

MiniCooperLover · 10/04/2016 21:27

Stinkysnowbear, £55 'between friends' is still £55, it's a lot of money !!!

YabuDabbaDoo · 10/04/2016 21:28

She didn't put some cash/ a cheque in the bag for life she handed back, did she?

stinkysnowbear · 10/04/2016 21:30

FFS it works out at £27.50 each. Stop being ridiculous.I always ask my dinner guests to bring booze as they do with me. You're being tight and melodramatic.

stinkysnowbear · 10/04/2016 21:31

How is £55 a lot of money? For drinks, at a dinner party... It's peanuts.

purplefizz26 · 10/04/2016 21:32

£55 IS a lot to some people you know

Soapmaker34 · 10/04/2016 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stinkysnowbear · 10/04/2016 21:34

Sorry this is pretty standard with my friends. I went to a close friend's dinner party this evening (late afternoon as we are all working from 6am tomorrow) and I text asking what to bring. The response was a bottle of Bombay Sapphire & 2 bottles of Prosecco. Totally normal.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 10/04/2016 21:34

Stinky
Firstly, £55 isn't peanuts to a lot of people. It's incredibly arrogant of you to say that it is.
Secondly, they did bring gifts of alcohol and flowers.
Thirdly, 4 bottles of wine and a bottle of spirits, plus the alcohol and flowers they already bought, is not a usual or normal host gift for a dinner party. I'm amazed that you can frame it as just bringing a host gift. Madness.

Only1scoop · 10/04/2016 21:34

Op had already got wine and flowers to take for the hosts....

They surely have just forgotten to pay

stinkysnowbear · 10/04/2016 21:35

To some. But not to people going to a decent dinner party.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 10/04/2016 21:36

I guess you and your friends are in a certain income bracket where this is normal and presumably fairly equitable. Lots of people are not in that income bracket. Even we povvos like to host people for dinner, even if we spend closer to £5 per head plus a bottle of wine per guest rather than £50

purplefizz26 · 10/04/2016 21:36

The items weren't even used at the dinner party Hmm

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 10/04/2016 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pipbin · 10/04/2016 21:37

How is £55 a lot of money?

Because it is a lot of money! It's my household weekly food budget. For a lot of people that would be a days pay.

ImperialBlether · 10/04/2016 21:37

OP, did anyone drink the wine or the vodka?

I could completely understand if she asked you to pick up some cream or a bottle of milk or whatever, but she had a big list there. If she didn't even use them at the meal, that's really bad.

The taxi situation - I think that's happened to a lot of us - you just completely forget. I don't think anyone could forget four bottles of wine and a bottle of vodka!

Only1scoop · 10/04/2016 21:38

Exactly purple

Awful etiquette to expect your guests to not only pick all that up but pay for it aswellHmm

stinkysnowbear · 10/04/2016 21:38

Don't call me arrogant because I have a different perception about what is a lot of money to you. When my friends come for dinner they bring a few bottles of champagne or very nice wine, as I do when I go to theirs.

Anything I take to a host's party is a gift, whether requested or not.

stinkysnowbear · 10/04/2016 21:39

£55 is the cost of a single course dinner or a shit lunch.

SingingSamosa · 10/04/2016 21:39

To some. But not to people going to a decent dinner party

Hmm Right...only people who can afford to give £55 away are the sort of people who should be invited to dinner parties. I don't think someone with that sort of attitude would be the sort of people invited to MY dinner parties!

stinkysnowbear · 10/04/2016 21:40

no need to be rude. Why exactly should I fuck off? Because I think when you take alcohol to a party you don't expect to take it home? Jesus wept.

Pipbin · 10/04/2016 21:40

I'm amazed that you want to post on MN with the scummy fuckers like us who would baulk at the idea of paying £55 for lunch or a single course.

stinkysnowbear · 10/04/2016 21:41

By "decent" I did not mean the hosts, I meant the food.

MN has turned in to a hot bed of judgemental socialism.

M00nUnit · 10/04/2016 21:41

Stinky they WERE "people going to a decent dinner party". What on earth are you on about? £55 is a lot of money to MOST people and to call it "peanuts" is offensive and extremely arrogant.

Only1scoop · 10/04/2016 21:42

A 'decent dinner party' host wouldn't request you furnish their drinks trolley en route.