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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to want to have been offered some money?

574 replies

Blitzburgher · 09/04/2016 23:03

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

OP posts:
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WonderingAspie · 11/04/2016 12:27

OP, I'll help rather than acknowledging a GF Grin.

Send her a similar message via WhatsApp. Say you've been having problems with your texts not getting to people (could be true, DH often texts me and I don't get them until much later, has been days or the same one sent 6 times last week) so you thought you would message again via WhatsApp in case she didn't recieve your message. Something like "hi tightarse, I tried texting you on X but I don't think it sent as I've been having problems with my phone/network, so thought i'd better use WhatsApp instead....cut and paste original message in"

myusernamewastaken · 11/04/2016 12:43

I have a horrible feeling op is not going to get her money back....and the friendship will be strained at best in the future.....I would never offer to get any shopping for anyone as i hate having to ask for my money back x

lottielou7 · 11/04/2016 13:12

This woman is unbelievably rude. And if she won't pay it shows she doesn't value the friendship much.

'Never a borrower or a lender be' - certainly a lot of truth in that.

As others have said, I find it very odd that she would come up with a list like that. If the items were needed for the dinner party she surely would have bought them before. So it sounds like maybe she deliberately took advantage.

Cornishclio · 11/04/2016 13:17

Goodness this thread is a warning to everyone not to offer to get shopping for anyone ever again. I cannot believe the gall of someone asking a dinner party guest to get that much shopping for anyone. We go to dinner parties usually with one bottle of wine or if a party wine, beer and nibbles. I am astounded at your friend OP but if she does not have reputation for tightness and rudeness maybe this is just oversight. Hope she gets back to you soon.

Threefaries · 11/04/2016 13:29

I wonder if stinky has NC yet?

iMogster · 11/04/2016 13:31

When it's £55, I would find it very easy to (politely) ask for it. I think it's much harder when it's just a fiver, and feels petty.

horseygeorgie · 11/04/2016 13:37

YADNBU. NOT PLACE MARKING AT ALL

DuckAndPancakes · 11/04/2016 13:44

Jesus wept.
She sounds like my sister in law... Though the money amounts are usually less as we are the "real poor" Grin

Bloody hope she sorts her shit out and pays you back, what on earth sort of person does that?!

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 11/04/2016 13:53

Any more news on this OP? My daughter and I are desperate for the latest lol :)

lottielou7 · 11/04/2016 14:13

£55 is a lot of money and the op already brought gifts to the party. I don't get how she can have thought that this is reasonable

lottielou7 · 11/04/2016 14:13

The host, that is.

toastyarmadillo · 11/04/2016 15:32

Op please chase sponging friends up.... I am totally over invested in this thread. Maybe WhatsApp her saying you text yesterday but didn't hear anything so wondered if she got it, her network could be down or maybe she has no phone credit, that would poke the beast!

teacups83 · 11/04/2016 17:03

I would say shall we split the cost of the shopping in some way unless you took other supplies you'do probably want to contribute a bottle of wine of something? I'd want 40 quid back from her though.

dustarr73 · 11/04/2016 17:13

teacupthe op brought wine and flowers already.Why should she split the shopping.Her friend asked for it and she should pay.

lotsoffunandgames · 11/04/2016 17:13

Op-did she reply?!

Jellypudmum · 11/04/2016 17:32

Could you send a text thanking her for the evening and ask if she managed to find the receipt for the shopping she'd asked you to pick up as you weren't sure if it had been in the bag?

DreamingOfADifferentMe · 11/04/2016 17:37

Is it wrong that despite being ridiculously busy at work, I've spent far too much time refreshing the page to see if OP's had a response?

So wrong. So need to focus on deadlines.

teacups83 · 11/04/2016 17:52

Ah thanks @Dustarr73 I missed that part. Absolutely ask for every penny back. Wasn't your gift or your shopping. Good luck.

ClimbedEveryMountain · 11/04/2016 17:58

OP won't be back...

Blitzburgher · 11/04/2016 18:03

No reply! WhatsApp says she has been online today. Just left work - going to check online banking when I get home at 7:30 to see if money has appeared.

OP posts:
Blitzburgher · 11/04/2016 18:03

ClimbedEveryMountain - hiya!

OP posts:
Idefix · 11/04/2016 18:14

Grin op, some pp have no faith.
Really hoping the money is in the bank.

AppleSetsSail · 11/04/2016 18:16

How strange. I'm having difficulty wrapping my head around this one.

M00nUnit · 11/04/2016 18:18

It's really strange that she still hasn't responded after nearly 2 days. I don't understand why she wouldn't think she should pay you back!

Hygge · 11/04/2016 18:21

I was reading the thread hoping to find out if the OP's friend had paid up or not by now, but now all I really want to know is if Stinky also owns "a field" in Scunthorpe.