Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not support my brother dating our cousin?

432 replies

ChickenDrumsticks · 09/04/2016 09:47

My brother has announced he is dating our cousin, and has been for around 3 months. She's Mum's sister's daughter. They have been posting lovey-dovey statuses on Facebook and have (according to mum) got very pissy when people have made criticisms. They both have 2 children from previous partners and are looking at buying a house together.

AIBU to not be supportive of this relationship? The kids are all between 8 and 11 and I worry it could adversely affect them. We live in a small town and it's only a matter of time before their school mates clock on.

We were very close as children and went on holidays etc together. The thought of seeing them kiss and cuddle absolutely turns my stomach.

My sister is with me on this, but mum is in denial saying she doesn't see the problem. He hasn't spoken to me directly about it (the announcement was a Facebook post along the lines of "no one has the right to judge us, love conquers all blah blah blah") but if he does I just can't pretend I'm OK with it

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 11/04/2016 09:00

I think it is a bit grim. Legal sure, but grim.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 11/04/2016 09:00

Haven't read all the thread but I wonder would the people who have no problem with it be happy for their child to marry their brother's or sister's child? I certainly wouldn't!

Why, what's wrong with your sibling's child? Are they not the kind of person you would want for your child?

The opinion 'Eww it's gross' isn't any real argument at all. My nieces are both delightful, lovable people. I'd obviously never encourage my son to get together with a family member, but if they were grown adults who realised they had the basis of a meaningful lasting relationship, I wouldn't be all pearl-clutchy about it.

Andrewofgg · 11/04/2016 09:14

What do the people who are against it think if the woman is past child-bearing? In Utah and Wisconsin - according to Wiki - that makes it lawful.

Waltermittythesequel · 11/04/2016 09:20

I still think it's gross. But I think that's because of the relationship I have with my cousins.

One of them is practically a brother, though he never lived with us (obviously).

And even at that, the rest of them are family. My family. People I grew up with. Who annoyed me and played with me and argued with me and grew up with me.

The thoughts of a sexual relationship with someone like that just utterly turns my stomach. Of course it does! How could it not?

LittleLionMansMummy · 11/04/2016 09:59

There are plenty of things that are legal but not necessarily desirable. The fact that cousins are blood related which can result in birth defects is proof imo that although legal, it is not desirable for cousins to get together and procreate.

OptimisticSix · 11/04/2016 11:49

I agree FelicityR313 and have bred well outside as have my brother and cousin (who is probably genetically mu sister as my dad and her dad are brothers and my mum and her mum sisters IYSWIM). I would never judge my children or neices and nephews if they did enter into a relationship with each other but they all know it's not genetically a great idea..... Possibly because it's a long standing joke in our family when anything goes wrong "that's what you get when cousins marry" :D oh DHs mum and dad were cousins too, although adoptively rather than biologically :D

CrystalMcPistol · 11/04/2016 11:51

It's legal. They're not doing anything wrong.

But I do have a strong visceral 'ick' reaction to first cousins being in a relationship with one another.

MamaLazarou · 11/04/2016 15:03

I wonder would the people who have no problem with it be happy for their child to marry their brother's or sister's child?

I would most certainly NOT be happy if my son chose to marry his cousin (daughter of my sister and our first cousin) as it's a bit too close for comfort. If he chose to marry another of his cousins I wouldn't be delighted but I wouldn't treat them with any less love or respect as a result of it.

I wonder if many of the posters here who strongly object to cousin marriage would see things differently if the cousins were not close and didn't mingle much when growing up. We didn't see our cousin often when we were growing up: we are not a close extended family, there was a significant age gap between us and we lived in different parts of the country so I wouldn't say we 'grew up together'. I'm sure I would have found the whole thing way ickier if we'd been close as children.

EatShitDerek · 11/04/2016 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 11/04/2016 17:16

EatShitDerek How far do you extend that? Second cousins (great-grandchildren of the same people) or third cousins (great-great-grandchildren) or how far?

EatShitDerek · 11/04/2016 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 11/04/2016 17:28

Fifth cousins can marry - righto then! Grin

StrawberrytallCake · 11/04/2016 17:28

I shall be keeping my love life well out of the family. In RL this is the general idea. To not shag family members

YES!!!!!!

SaucyJack · 11/04/2016 18:54

Amen Derek.

I am 35. My cousin is 17. It's perfectly legal, but I'd sooner have myself arrested.

I need a bath from just typing this post.

VikingLady · 11/04/2016 19:15

One of my cousins dated his (and my) second cousin. That was weird enough - they looked incredibly similar, too. And with that part of the family having a tendency towards hyper fertility, no one else in the wider family was happy about it!

His mum threw a party when they split up. She didnt tell most people the reason for the party Grin

lavenderdoilly · 11/04/2016 19:24

Consanguinity, I think it's called. Your kids are likely to have gene based problems. Isn't Greta Scacchi married to her cousin?

EatShitDerek · 11/04/2016 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 11/04/2016 22:11

It is legal, yes.

In Spain it's legal to marry your cousin. In ancient Egypt it was encouraged.

Doesn't mean that some people won't find it weird. Doesn't mean OP isn't entitled to her perfectly legitimate reaction.

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 11/04/2016 22:20

Eatshit, you are so right!

Zucker · 11/04/2016 23:02

Completely agree EatShitDerek.

Confess to eating a spoonful of sugar and you're on the condemned list. Shag the relations and we're as chilled as fuck.

It might be legal but jaysus it would raise more than an eyebrow if I suddenly announced I was throwing the leg over my first cousin.

EatShitDerek · 12/04/2016 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk · 12/04/2016 09:54

QEII & Prince Philip are 3rd cousins. Just saying...

stairway · 12/04/2016 09:56

The European royal family have suffered from the awful disease heamophillia I believe so the current commoner choice might well be a wise move.

BestZebbie · 12/04/2016 09:57

Breeding with a cousin as a one-off isn't especially dangerous genetically unless you know that you are all very likely to be carriers of a genetic disease because of other similarly close shared relatives actually having the condition.
The main genetic 'incests' to avoid are siblings together, parent or grandparent with child and aunt/uncle with niece/nephew.

mudandmayhem01 · 12/04/2016 09:58

Its legal, its not for me but I cant get very upset about a legal consensual relationship. What was far more concerning I visited a popular erotic literature websiteBlush and I was dismayed to find out by far the most popular category was incest. Just the titles of the stories made me feel sick, there was no way I would click on any of them but obviously lots of people do.