To not support my brother dating our cousin?

[ChickenDrumsticks]

My brother has announced he is dating our cousin, and has been for around 3 months. She's Mum's sister's daughter. They have been posting lovey-dovey statuses on Facebook and have (according to mum) got very pissy when people have made criticisms. They both have 2 children from previous partners and are looking at buying a house together.

AIBU to not be supportive of this relationship? The kids are all between 8 and 11 and I worry it could adversely affect them. We live in a small town and it's only a matter of time before their school mates clock on.

We were very close as children and went on holidays etc together. The thought of seeing them kiss and cuddle absolutely turns my stomach.

My sister is with me on this, but mum is in denial saying she doesn't see the problem. He hasn't spoken to me directly about it (the announcement was a Facebook post along the lines of "no one has the right to judge us, love conquers all blah blah blah") but if he does I just can't pretend I'm OK with it

Only on mumsnet would you be called 'small minded' because you find cousins as couples weird.

Not only on Mumsnet, Orda. In Spain and other European countries people would struggle to see what the problem is.

A cousin is a member of your family.

You don't say.

But the majority of us aren't in Spain.

It's really not small minded to be repulsed by the thought of shagging a member of your own family.

This.

mamalazarou my comment was in response to another comment. Obviously.

But nobody is making you shag a member of your own family.

If the thought of two people shagging bothers you, just don't think about them shagging.

Whatever goes on between two consenting adults behind their bedroom door is bugger all to do with you.

Bulk this is gross I am afraid to sleep with ones borther in law is legal but it's not somthing to be encouraged

There are t o many single people out there to be shagging Somone whom you are related to

And yes there are cultures who do this namely travellers and Pakistanis

How's that working out for them

High infant mortality rates and disability

People are seriously saying well it's legal so if it were legal to have sex with ones sister or borther that would be fine to

My children are adopted and the idea that they would get together when older because it's not illegal makes be sick

My sister used to go out with our cousin. No one was impressed, not least because our fathers are identical twins. Luckily it didn't last.

It's not fair to call people small minded for having a reaction to something. I also think sausages are fucking gross, doesn't make me small minded.

I don't think having a 'Eww' reaction to it is small minded. For people who have never been attracted to their cousin, I would say it's a fairly natural reaction. But would you really let your knee-jerk response dictate your attitude and behaviour towards two people you love who are making each other happy? That part is not instinct, it's choice.

In 2016 in bristish culture
This is not somthing that is widely practiced

It's not illegal because the risks to ones children is miminal if the intermarriage stops at the cousins and is a one off but many no it's not the law that stops people is disgust at sleeping with Somone who shares your genes

its yucky and likely to cause issues

Just because somthing is legal dosent make it right

In some cultures it's ok to marry a 12 year old

Mama there's no need to be so sarcastic.

If you think it's fine that your sister couldn't look outside the family for a partner, then that's fine.

Other people think it's gross. Horses for courses.

I don't think having a 'Eww' reaction to it is small minded. For people who have never been attracted to their cousin, I would say it's a fairly natural reaction. But would you really let your knee-jerk response dictate your attitude and behaviour towards two people you love who are making each other happy? That part is not instinct, it's choice.

*this anytime I meet someone who is married to there cousin and I have to say they are usually Asian ( never meet a white or back person Who have done this ) I makes me feel a bit ewww but I would be polite but I wouldn't have them around me of my children as. I wouldn't want my Kids to think dating there cousin is even a option I would send a gift to any wedding but would not be attending

If one of my brothers dated our cousin I wouldn't want them around me or my children. That's not the sort of example I want to set for my child and I would think a lot less of my brothers.

corythatwas Victoria and Albert were not cousins except on paper. The relationship was through Albert's father being Victoria's mother's sister.

But the Cabinet (full of peers who knew about the risks of interbreeding!) would not approve the marriage till they had been assured that Albert's supposed father was, in the language of the day, "abnormal" (which may have meant gay or infertile) and that Albert's mother was, again in the language of the day, "promiscuous"; so there was no blood relationship. It was kept from the Queen and from Albert and in fact only became known after the last of their children died in the 1940s.

As for who Albert's biological father was, the best candidate was the Hofjude or Court Jew, a prominent and Jewish official of the Court of Coburg. There are photos of Edward VII which support his claim!

As I said, it's totally understandable that people think it's gross. If we all thought shagging your cousin was great, we would be in trouble as a society. I just don't think that gives the OP carte blanche to treat the sister and cousin with disdain or disrespect.

The relationship was through Albert's father being Victoria's mother's sister.

Eh?

it's not the law that stops people is disgust at sleeping with Somone who shares your genes

It didn't stop Cleopatra.

There are bottlenecks in human evolution - times when our population has narrowed dramatically. This means we're not genetically particularly diverse.

There are many reasons that some of us think "eww" when it comes to cousin marriage. However, it's not that unusual. So the reasons are a combination of culture, upbringing and possibly biology. It's a good idea to maintain genetic diversity but you don't really know what your genetic inheritance is unless you've been tested.

Frankly, your brother is better off without your judgemental attitude. Your mother may disagree, doesn't mean she is in denial - just means that she doesn't feel the need to sit in judgement of anyone who doesn't adhere to their limited view of life.

Genuinely shocked that in 2016 people feel the need to be so daily mail about the whole thing.

Oh bugger. Albert's nominal father was Victoria's mother's brother. He may have been abnormal but not that abnormal!

Andrew

Op I totally understand your surprise and revulsion.

That doesn't make anything right or wrong, but you cant help your reaction. However I would bite my tongue, be neutral in public and yes its nothing to do with you.

Well I am black so I am pretty sure any white guy I sleep with is not my cousin

And cleopatra I am talking about this century actually in the U.K. Amoungst the British born population it is very in common

You will also find that as the newer generations of Asian children find it yuk and don't want to marry in witch causes a lot of issues

Yes be natrual in public but avoid them if you have to