In saying a week of compassionate leave for losing a parent is unfair?

[Helenwiththebigmelons]

Yes yes, life is unfair - but really, a week away from work because a parent has died? Is that all that can be granted?

I work for a logistics company as a Financial Admin, and I was told today by a colleague that this is all you get granted whilst on the topic of compassionate leave etc.

Isn't this shocking? In my last work place, my boss insisted on another colleague taking 3 weeks of fully paid leave to come to terms with things - he didn't even mention funeral arrangements.

What is your workplace policy like for compassionate leave? Perhaps I'm oblivious to some harsh realities.

Kaddy . I think it ws me that said that people at my workplace take a number of months off sick following a bereavement. It was not a piss take. My work involves dealing with dying people and their families so when someone has a close bereavement themslves my managers are sympathetic and allow as much time off as needed on the sick. When my own dm died suddenly I took 3 weeks off, but other colleaugues have taken 3/4 months off for the death of their dm or df. One colleaugue took 2 months off for the death of her best friend. I don't know if they were clinically depressed but they obviously felt unable to cope with the demands of a job which means having to nurse dying people having just gone through their own bereavement.

I think they're being overly generous as it is, compared to most companies

Even if you're not close to a parent, just the practicalities take time. Query whether an employer should give you paid leave to sell a house, clear personal effects etc but it must be tough taking annual leave for it when you'd rather use it for a holiday or having days out with the kids.

I've had to take some annual leave in recent months to deal with my father going into a care home. But I only work part-time so some of the stuff can be squeezed into my time off. If I worked FT it would have been much harder and I would have had to have used up a lot more of my leave entitlement.

If you were close to a parent/relative and are grieving as well it must be 100 times harder. I don't really know what the answer is but employers need to show some empathy. Allowing people to work part-time for a few months if they can afford the pay cut seems like a good compromise.

We get 3 days, which is totally inadequate if you're organising the funeral, executing the will and clearing your childhood home.

Organizing the funeral can be done by phone (or should be planned in advance, ideally) and clearing out the childhood home is not immediately related to bereavement. Why on earth should any employer suck up the cost of someone taking weeks or months to clear out a house, dispose of contents and sell the property?

Again, that is a matter that can be addressed before a death takes place, or if it isn't, it's what annual leave and weekends are for.

Would you work for no pay? Then why expect pay with no work? Businesses aren't charities required to smooth every bump of life for every worker. You need to plan for handling emergencies and adverse life events on your own.

If your parents live in a rented council house as mine do, you need to clear the house quickly. I am dreading when the time comes for me to do this. I will have to use annual leave as I won't be able to do everything in the 5 days we get off for a close bereavement.

I got 3 days compassionate leave when my mum died and only that because I was organising the funeral (I work for the local authority). If I wanted anymore it had to come out of my annual leave allowance.

My parents are both very ill, so this is something I think about. Neither will plan for their funeral, so yes, it is going to happen after their deaths. And I don't know anyone who has planned a funeral totally over the phone. Surely talking to the undertakers and the vicar face-to-face is the minimum you would do?
It is easier if you live close geographically to your parents. Much harder if you live geographically far apart. People where I work have always taken sick leave or annual leave in addition if a parent has died.

I doubt much of planning a funeral can be done over the phone. My dh has just had to organize my fil's funeral and there was a lot to do- contacting people, collecting memories from far flung relatives for the eulogy, choosing flowers, selecting music, finding and booking a venue for the wake, organising catering and all to be done a four hour drive form where we live. He has used a lot of annual leave for this and much more for clearing the house of 85 years worth of clutter/ heirlooms etc and organising estate agents appointments/ soliciters appointments/ sorting probate etc/. I am dreading the summer holidays as he normally takes a couple of weeks off to cover the kids being off but now won't be able to, I doubt after all his grief he won't even have time off for a summer break. Unpaid leave is not an option, he is the only one doing his job and is already covering people who have left and not been replaced.

I think a week is pretty generous.

My Dad took about a week when my mum died - He still had us 3 kids at home as she died quite young. When my Nan died my brother and I had to organise the funeral etc as my mum was her only child and predeceased her by over a decade. We got no time off at all for that. We both took annual leave to cover it. A day would have been nice.

We get a week for parents, Husband/Wife or a child. Other close family, one day for the funeral.

We get two days for a spouse, parent or child.

I think the problem with giving at lot of leave for family passing , is that people will take the piss.

I worked with someone whose mum died twice in 10 years. She had switched department and didn't realise we would hear own passing. A card came round for us to sign and send her and someone mention she had lost her mum. I was

What proof would an employer be able to ask for? And who would it extend to? Everyone has different ideas of what close family is.

NHS 2 days but when my mother died my bosses used their discretion and gave me longer.

Who is close family is listed. Grandparents, brothers or sisters.
It says in our policy that you have to provide proof of death. In reality it is rarely asked for, but it could be. I did once apply for a job where you had to state on the application form which close family members were still alive.

Three days paid leave for my employer in the US, but annual leave can be used to extend that. They are very understanding, and when my mother died, I took two weeks. I would really not have been ready emotionally to return to work before that.

I have just come to the end of a prolonged period of sick leave which I took to support my dying mother (I was her next of kin and she lived alone) and after her death. I handed my notice in on the second day of my absence, knowing I couldn't go back to verbal and physical aggression every day from disgustingly behaved pupils, and not wanting to take the piss, as it has been put. I would've left at the end of the month of my employer allowed it, but as a teacher I was stuck for nearly three. I'a was entitled to one week's compassionate leave - the funeral took place two weeks after mum's death as that was the earliest we could get!

I think employers would lose less in sick leave and retain staff if they were more generous with compassionate leave - and that could be unpaid. As it isn't an option, they pay the price.

A week is quite long actually and for some small businesses quite difficult if they cannot afford cover.

I was lecturing abroad when my father died. I was told at lunch time. I decided I would carry on speaking all afternoon as there was nothing much to be gained by stopping - why let other people down? It was tough but if you have a fmaily to support you have to make hard choices all the time.

Well I think it depends on your relationship doesn't it? I was as close to my mum as I am to my DH. She was just 60 and was a wonderful woman. I am heartbroken.

Where I work, you would have to take paid leave if you wanted to be paid for time off after a parent had died. You would get an extra paid day off to attend the funeral though.
If it's your partner/spouse or child who has died, that would be different.

The amount of time you take off isn't representative of the depth of your feelings .

I'm an only child. I was very close to my parents. When my mum died (I was 21 and a student living away from home) my dad and I organised the funeral, dealt with her bank accounts etc, in 2-3 days. I then was told by my dad to go back to college. I did, returning a week later for the funeral.

When my dad died 4 years later, I arranged everything myself. Was off for a week, plus an extra day for the funeral. I cleared out my dad's house at eves and weekends over the 2 weeks his HA gave me to empty it.

My parents were relatively young. Their deaths were unexpected (both were ill, neither was believed to be terminal). I took what I think was a sufficient time off in both cases. Any longer and I would have felt I was taking the piss. I am surprised when I hear of people expecting to take months or more, especially when the relative concerned is 85+ (and therefore the death could not be that much of a shock)

I was given an (unexpected) week of compassionate leave when DM died. I was already on holiday and had gone home to see her as she was so ill. When I rang work to extend, I was told it would be booked as compassionate leave.

I didn't actually want any more. I needed to get back to work and into a routine and not have to think about her all the time.

It's shit. A small amount of consideration from boss and colleagues goes a very long way.

A lot of people when a parent dies have a lot of practical issues to deal with. Even if one parent is still alive, it is common to have to arrange care for that parent.

My work involves dealing with dying people and their families so when someone has a close bereavement themslves my managers are sympathetic and allow as much time off as needed on the sick

I understand how this could create difficulties, but surely there are very many NHS staff this applies to - wouldn't it create chaos if they all took extended leave?

I'm just wondering if at least some might be redeployed to a less potentially traumatic role for a while, so that they're spared more distress but the employer still gets some benefit?

I work in the public sector and iirc we get 2 weeks on full pay for an immediate blood relative (parent/child/sibling), up to a week for a more distant relative (uncle, grandparent, cousin etc) and a day off for anyone else.

Having said that my immediate workplace is very supportive & flexible so imagine all the stops would be pulled out to help anyone who was struggling.