In saying a week of compassionate leave for losing a parent is unfair?

[Helenwiththebigmelons]

Yes yes, life is unfair - but really, a week away from work because a parent has died? Is that all that can be granted?

I work for a logistics company as a Financial Admin, and I was told today by a colleague that this is all you get granted whilst on the topic of compassionate leave etc.

Isn't this shocking? In my last work place, my boss insisted on another colleague taking 3 weeks of fully paid leave to come to terms with things - he didn't even mention funeral arrangements.

What is your workplace policy like for compassionate leave? Perhaps I'm oblivious to some harsh realities.

I worked in the public sector and three days was the usual time allowed. At the manager's discretion this could be extended if you were the one arranging the funeral.

I had a week off when my mother died and I arranged her funeral. I think this was fair in my case as she had a terminal illness so her death was sad but expected and I had several months to come to terms with it.

A much younger colleague needed a month off (she took sick leave) as her father died unexpectedly so I think that individual circumstances should be taken into account. Three days/a week isn't enough for some.

Although I think the colleague who took three weeks off when her husband's aunt died was possibly milking it.

My point was that to think a week is "generous" after the death of a parent is ridiculous has clearly passed you by.

Clearly

Public sector - 3 days, extended to 5 at Head's discretion. I don't think it is mean. I was back at work a week after my mum died. If I had not been fit for it I would have got a sick note.
If you say have a month, people take a month.
Many people need to get back to normality.

My dad hung himself in my front room. Do I top-trumps you?

It's 2 days in our contract but no one has ever been forced to come back that soon if they aren't ready. Managers are compassionate and don't stick to the contract. If it goes on for more than about a fortnight, people usually see their GP and get signed off.

My poor employers- I took 10 weeks off after a pregnancy loss at 23 weeks. Then, 9 months later I took 12 weeks off when my Dad was killed (pregnant then too). Poor me, obviously, but I did think they must have been frustrated even though they were incredibly nice about it! They gave me 4 weeks full pay the first time but straight onto SSP the next time.

A week isn't generous in my eyes and I think it's because we've been conditioned to be so grateful for basic decency shown by employers.

I'm not saying that employers should give months, but perhaps on a case by case basis. Some people don't cope as well as others. And particularly in some jobs it's not suitable for someone to be working

Err - civil servant here. I got a day off and another for the funeral. My family are 100 miles away. I was distraught but pretty much out of annual leave so had to suck it up.

I got 2 weeks plus a week's holiday so three. They said to speak to them if I needed more

I used to work for Waitrose when I had a miscarriage. I can't remember how much sick leave I used, maybe 2 weeks, but it wasn't looked kindly on. My departments assistant manager said whilst in front of me "oh such and such is off sick. They're actually sick though not just milking it". I quit not long after that. Some people just lack compassion

In the US, paid bereavement leave (if offered at all) is generally three days for a parent,spouse or child and 1 or 2 days for other relatives. Those needing more time off are expected to use vacation time. Or unpaid time off.

Three weeks is a long time to expect one's employer to pay you for not working, without docking annual leave. I get that it's tough - I lost both of my parents while working full time - but employers do not exist to make our lives easier.

When I was in the public sector I lost my dad, I don't know if it was because I was only 23 and he died suddenly and young but no one even mentioned how long I might be off or what my 'allowance' was - I came back after two weeks at my own discretion (needed to be busy) but HR didn't once ask me when I was coming back or anything like that.

At my last place of work we would get three days compassionate leave. As this was in the US where it might take a whole day to get to the parent's home and a day to get back again that would only give someone one day to attend the funeral.

But presumably if one is the child of the deceased, one has some input into the timing of the funeral. A death on a Tuesday - funeral could take place on Saturday allowing Friday to travel and the following Monday & Tuesday as additional bereavement leave. I don't think it's the employer's problem if people choose to live far away from relatives. And in the US you don't really need a full day to travel. Say one is in NYC and the other in LA - leave NYC at 6 p.m., get to LA early evening of the same day, have the funeral the next day. The travel wouldn't use up an entire day.

surely a doctors note can extend a weeks' compassionate leave though. my dad died (conveniently?!) the saturday at the beginning of half term. it was very complicated and too boring to explain but i was back at work the following week.

people at work where i am though have had two weeks off for parent bereavement. unless you've been through it it must be impossible to imagine how you'd feel if it happened. plus more time off later could be required for those times when it all comes back worse than at the time, etc.

I also think circumstances come into it sometimes. My dad had been ill for many years so although he died unexpectedly in his sleep, the family had come to terms with the fact that he wouldnt be here for much longer. I got 3 days off, plus another for the funeral, which was enough for me.

Someone who had been healthy and then dies suddenly and unexpectedly would be much more of a shock and I would imagine that people would need longer to get over something like that.

I think a week is about right. There will be exceptions of course but generally I think a week is good. In my DHs work and my work people often come in earlier but everyone's really supportive. I went back to work really soon after a miscarriage and I was pleased that I did. My collegues were very kind to me and I felt really supported. I was grieving but felt better at work than sitting around at home.

I know everyone is different and for some people a week for the death of a parent would be too soon but perhaps after a week people should go off sick or take annual or unpaid leave

surely a doctors note can extend a weeks' compassionate leave though

They can put you on sickness leave. But the thing is you have to have worked at a place for over 2 years to have rights that protect you from being dismissed for anything except discrimination so for some people it's not enough

It's awful. There should at least be exceptions granted depending on suddenness/age etc.

I got one day when my mum died and nothing much more recently when my Dad died because I was on annual leave anyway when it happened suddenly. And I'm almost public sector now and would consider my employer to be very caring in general. People react very differently so I can understand it not being a "requirement" to have time off. Some people are comforted by the routine and familiarity of being at work when their private life is painful. Surely most employers would be sympathetic to someone who needed to take sick leave, wouldn't they? Mine would, I'm sure, even if they don't give a set number of days for bereavement.

When I was working for a large firm in Germany, I got 1 day paid leave when my mum died. I was grateful for that. I was told it is 2 days for brother, sister or child
Additionally, I took 9 days annual leave to organise and attend her funeral in England, then recover emotionally
Later on, I took another 5 days leave to sort out all her stuff.

My last job, i took 9 days then two for mums funeral. I couldn't wait to get back to work for a sniff of normality in what was at that time my whole world turned upside down. Everyone is different, I certainly sorted out a lot of practical arrangements in that time, the harder emotional gut wrenching grief etc came a few weeks later (and lasted months and months). It was down to my Manager how long I needed/took. A couple of my work colleagues lost very close family members and were off much longer but did actually do some work from home.

Everywhere I've worked it is 3 days including husband wife, child etc

Contractually two weeks for spouse or parent. It's discretionary and people take longer if needed. It took so long to arrange my dads funeral that I went back before it as I was going stir crazy at home and had a couple of days then as well.

When I had a miscarriage I was signed off for two weeks and they told me to take three off to make sure I was ready to come back.

A week is piss all of you have to sort funeral out, registering death etc.

Haudy teachers only get 4 weeks full pay on maternity leave, then there is a sliding scale of reduction but we are entitled to 6 months full pay off sick.