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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by "I need a favour but have to ask you face to face"

953 replies

Eastie77 · 06/04/2016 18:35

I think IABU but anyway...it's annoying me.

A relative sent me a text message stating she needs to pop round and ask me for a favour. It has to be this week and she asked when I'm free. I have a really busy week with various bits and bobs arranged for the kids, appointments etc. I replied the only times that are convenient would be this evening or early Saturday morning before we leave on a weekend break with the kids. I asked if she could give me a call to discuss the favour. She just replied "Ok see you Saturday". I asked again re. the call and she said no, she has to ask me face to face.

I hate this cloak and dagger shit. Just tell me what you need! If it's something awkward I'd rather she asked over the phone tbh. She lives about 40mins away on the bus (doesn't drive) and I mentioned we will be leaving early on Saturday and she'll have to get up early to get here. As this didn't dissuade her I'm guessing it's something important but what and why can't she ask over the phone?? I am not close to this relative btw.

I will feel bad if it's something 'serious' but at the moment I'm just pissed off as we will be sitting around waiting for her to get here on Saturday before we have to set off on a longish drive.

Anyway. Rant over.

OP posts:
LastAnni · 08/04/2016 06:54

Property maintenance is a strong contender - but why in person?

ILikeUranus · 08/04/2016 06:56

OP I actually laughed out loud at your 'how I want it to end' scenario. Still laughing in fact!

Kelandry · 08/04/2016 06:59

I'm betting property maintenance too. I also think she will want to pay in a non money way, so....your dh does this and I will do this for you, hence the need to pitch it to you.

FelicityFunknickle · 08/04/2016 07:49

How about just wait until saturday?
She wants to ask you a favour. You'll be up anyway. You get to say yes or no.
You must have plenty to get on with in the meantime.

2rebecca · 08/04/2016 08:08

Whatever it is I'd be inclined to say no as she has been such an unreasonable bully over this. She doesn't sound like someone I'd want in my life. If she has a strop and decides she doesn't want to talk to me because I won't do her bidding when she wants so much the better.
I wouldn't hang around for her on Saturday though, if she's not there when you plan to go then just go. Also make it clear you don't have time for a long chat. Ensure you don't say yes just to get rid of her.

2rebecca · 08/04/2016 08:10

If it's work on her house she has lots of other options. If you didn't exist she'd have to find another way to do stuff. There is never a problem only one person can fix for this sort of stuff. Don't let her make you feel you are the only one who can shoulder her crap.

AristotlesTrousers · 08/04/2016 08:14

Loving this thread...

Just wondering, as I've read the thread and missed this somewhere, but how old is the relative?

I think you're right though, that she's going to ask your husband about the property maintenance thing.

Toounhappynow · 08/04/2016 08:15

Maybe she wants to live with you?

AristotlesTrousers · 08/04/2016 08:17

Also, love your Homer Simpson style idea of how you'd like it to play out in the car, saying no, while rolling up the windows. Grin

ilovesprouts · 08/04/2016 08:18

Another shameless mark here Blush.

chubbyrunner · 08/04/2016 08:24

Another shameless place mark to find out what happens! I love your dream if driving off into the sunset OP! I'd be pretty pissed by this too, and I'd get bloody minded about definitely not being there on Saturday when she gets there! 'No we're leaving on Thursday, just to make sure we're not there when she comes!' Can't work out what would possibly lead to such selfish behaviour!

RoboticSealpup · 08/04/2016 08:36

Don't leave early! She'll send you a text saying "I'll speak to your when you get back! Have to say this is person!" You'll spend your holiday being annoyed about it and more importantly we'll have to wait! Wink

TinyTear · 08/04/2016 08:43

I used to live near Leyton and could have done some spying... not anymore alas...

Hippywannabe · 08/04/2016 08:44

Love your Homer plan

girlsarehardwork · 08/04/2016 08:45

Gah - I can't open the screen shot
What did it say?

ApocalypseSlough · 08/04/2016 08:54

girlsare

ApocalypseSlough · 08/04/2016 08:55

^^oops the screenshot was blithely ignoring and saying I'll come over Saturday anyway

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 08/04/2016 09:04

If she's anything like some members of my family, it won't be particularly urgent, or something that really needs saying face to face, but they will have made a decision at some point that it needs to be those two things, so will bulldoze their way through anything that diverts from that course.

Only to end up with a non-urgent, non-face-to-face-needing, "I don't suppose you've got a particular recipe have you?" Hmm

LovelyBath · 08/04/2016 09:08

I think that whatever it is to say yes to it, will only encourage such behaviour in the future. It's bit like children you need boundaries...

In response to the "Are you free tomorrow' type questions, in general, I find a useful reply is "Why do you ask?"

Jenny70 · 08/04/2016 09:16

So the actual way it will play out:

Friday night Eastie77 will be exhausted, looks at the piles of "things to be packed", "things to be put away", "other piles of things" and will resort to wine and chocolate but not packing (bags or car!).

Sat at stupid early o'clock, Eastie77 runs madly throwing random things in bags, other things in cupboards/out of sight, whilst Eastie77's other half calmly walks around the house grabbing random items to pack (a whisk, Eastie77 thinks, really?).

No sign of PIA relative, Eastie77 breathes a sigh of relief. Eastie77 steps out the door at not-quite-so-stupid o'clock to find Aunty Yvonne blocking the drive with a coordinated, decorated trestle table laid with ENJO products to talk through one at a time!!

A judge later rules it to be self defense when Eastie77 runs over Aunty Yvonne and is pleasantly surprised to find the ENJO products self clean the car as she heads down the motorway, LOL.

No offense to ENJO sellers intended

CruCru · 08/04/2016 09:27

Oh good lord. Realistically, you are just going to have to stick to your plans and put this woman out of your mind as much as you can. Are you going anywhere nice?

LunaLunaLovegood · 08/04/2016 09:42

CRYING @ Jenny70 Oooooh where can I buy these products?!

Did you know there is Paul Mcartney song 'Yvonnes the One'
Includes the line "So long Yvonne you're not fooling me"

Please put that on your car stereo Eastie Grin

aginghippy · 08/04/2016 09:51

Aristotles she is in her early 50s, doesn't work and has no children.

Clearly she has too much time on her hands Grin

Gobbolino6 · 08/04/2016 09:57

I'd be so annoyed by now. Why is her time so much more valuable than yours? I think the only solution is to pack up and stay in a hotel tonight with your phones off.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 08/04/2016 09:58

I'm worried she'll have the trestle table set up for your return. As in you open the car door and knock over several bottles of Aloe Shite.

Property stuff sounds possible.

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