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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask party attendees to bring a pack lunch?

180 replies

cakedup · 05/04/2016 00:00

Taking DS (11) and five of his friends out for the day for his birthday. We will be taking public transport (1 hour journey) and when we get to the venue, the kids will be taking part in an activity lasting 3 hours - similar to paint-balling. Then we will have the birthday tea before heading home.

Originally, my mum was supposed to come but is not well. This means I will have to carry all the party food including the cake myself. I was discussing with a friend about how much I need to bring and how best to carry it etc. and she thought it was perfectly reasonable to ask everyone to bring a throwaway pack lunch to eat on the journey there. This would give me less to carry and would also ensure the kids get a lunch they will definitely like and eat. I would only then have to provide the birthday tea.

But I feel VERY rude asking the parents to provide a pack lunch for a birthday party! WIBU to ask this? How would you feel if you were asked?

OP posts:
Original poster
cakedup · 05/04/2016 01:10

BackforGood DS started a new school in year 6 so I don't know the parents. I did this last year with my mum and it was fine. However, with only one day to go, my mum has pulled out as she is not well. I didn't expect to be the only adult.

OP posts:
SaggingTits · 05/04/2016 01:13

Can you leave just after lunch time? Or take food and get them to eat it on the train, then you won't have to carry it around all day.

I wouldn't be annoyed at being asked to send a packed lunch for my child if someone was nice enough to take them for a fun day out, no doubt costing them money already

MattDillonsPants · 05/04/2016 01:16

OP I would definitely ask children to bring a rucksack each. Take your own too...and put the ready packed lunches in a big bag for life style bag to meet up in....then dispense their food to them to carry themselves and throw the big carrier bag away.

You cannot carry all that lunch plus drinks. Get small juice cartons...give them three each or even better a bottle of water each which can be refilled at the venue probably.

Make each child a substantial lunch and really don't worry about who likes what on sandwiches...include a cheese sandwich and a ham one each....plus filling stuff like mini sausage rolls, cheese cubes, banana each, muffin and choc bar. Peanuts if there's none with allergies.

Original poster
cakedup · 05/04/2016 01:18

SaggingTits it's the one event for that day which is at a particular time. Yes, hopefully they'll be hungry enough to eat on the way there. Once I'm there, it's not a problem, I can just leave it in the party room. Thank you, I can't count on everyone being as nice as you though!

OP posts:
janaus · 05/04/2016 01:20

You could get a basket thing on wheels, to take along lunches, save carrying so much, or borrow a shopping 'jeep'

Original poster
cakedup · 05/04/2016 01:21

MattDillonsPants thanks, good advice. Thankfully, the venue will provide squash. So was thinking to give them one drink each for the journey there. Then just before we leave, tell them to fuel up on drink as I won't be carrying any on the way back. Surely they can manage an hour or so without a drink?

OP posts:
Original poster
cakedup · 05/04/2016 01:22

janaus yes was thinking if I could get my hands on a granny trolley then that would help a lot.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 05/04/2016 01:24

It wouldnt bother me at all if you asked. Especially if you texted something like "Unfortunately one of my helpers has taken ill, so would I would really appreciate it if X could bring a packed lunch to eat before the activity. Tea is still on me though!"

Its not like you are not providing any food at all, and things change. I dont see it as rude at all, just you trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Bogeyface · 05/04/2016 01:25

Then just before we leave, tell them to fuel up on drink as I won't be carrying any on the way back. Surely they can manage an hour or so without a drink?

Yes but.....they probably cant manage the journey home without a wee if you get them to "fuel up" on drinks!

EveryoneElsie · 05/04/2016 01:28

We do this for picnics and no one thinks its odd.

MattDillonsPants · 05/04/2016 01:37

You won't need a granny trolley! Just make sure they all know to fetch a backpack. If one child forgets, then one extra lunch in your own pack won't harm you.

kali110 · 05/04/2016 01:58

I wouldn't have a problem at all. Someone is nice enough to invite my child out i wouldn't be bothered about doing a little lunch, i certainly wouldn't find it rude.
I remember my own days out with friends and some were sent with lunchs even though my parents were taking us out just incase!
Either ask them to bring a mini back each or make one and get tem to carry it but you'll have to be prepared that one or several may lose theirs.
Personally i would just text parents and say your mon us ill so could they please bring a little lunch with them.

rude 2rucksacks for one person? Not everyone could manage that! Certainly not the journey op is planning.
I couldn't have managed that before i was ill Grin

NightWanderer · 05/04/2016 02:32

I was also going to suggest a granny trolley. Maybe ask your neighbours or a friend if they have one?

herecomethepotatoes · 05/04/2016 04:41

I wouldn't think it unusual for a second. Yes, you should ask.

herecomethepotatoes · 05/04/2016 04:43

I wouldn't think it unusual for a second. Yes, you should ask.

Bin85 · 05/04/2016 05:46

You really need another adult in case a child becomes unwell etc perhaps another of the parents might come especially as you don't know these kids.

MattDillonsPants · 05/04/2016 05:48

Bin I disagree. This is 6 kids of 11. They're going to be in secondary school soon so I'm sure they're all more than capable of sitting still in case of an emergency. It's just not the same as younger children. At 11 many DC are walking to school alone etc.

HeilandMoo · 05/04/2016 06:01

Sounds like a tough day on the OP- which is a shame as its a birthday celebration.

Best suggestions I heard were the kids bringing their own packed lunch - I'd happily do this without judging you.

Take a big wheelie case - I'd not worry about it being dusty, it could be a lifesaver

Order pizza there, could be cheaper than lots of random snacks and I'd add......

Ask another mum or a good friend to support you for the day. I think that's a lot of work on your own. If one if my children was attending, I'd offer without you having to ask.

Good luck OP, hope they all have a great time,

sonjadog · 05/04/2016 06:06

I think asking them to bring a packed lunch is fine.

sashh · 05/04/2016 06:09

Compromise - do the 'sandwiches in a loaf' and tell parents that is all you are able to provide for the train due to carrying things but they are welcome to bring their own snacks.

Sandwiches in a loaf - buy a loaf of cheap white bread in a plastic bag - open the bag, butter every slice of bread (or half if you only have buttered bred on on side)

Make sandwiches with a range of ham, cheese, cooked meats and then put them back int he plastic bag - it's just like carrying a loaf of bred so one of the children could carry it at the station.

honeylulu · 05/04/2016 06:52

My friend had this dilemma last year when she took a group of lads age 9-10 on a paintballing afternoon. She's a single mum and said very honestly "this is already costing me a fortune so I can't provide a full on lunch. I'll bring a bag of ham and cheese rolls, enough for one each and some juice boxes. If your child can't/won't eat that then feel free to send them with supplies. "
Btw they were all so excited they ate much less than expected.
You've already managed expectations well by saying you'll provide 'snacks" rather than 'lunch". In my book that's a chocolate bar and a packet of crisps. If my son was attending I'd do him a bacon and egg brunch at 11 in anticipation of him only then having a snack until tea time.
I would also spread the word that if the guests wished to kindly bring a gift, could this please be brought at pick up as you'd hate anything to get lost or battered on public transport.

Coconutty · 05/04/2016 07:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Letustryagain · 05/04/2016 07:03

OP, initially it sounded like the lunch was going to be the only meal that you were providing, then I would think it strange, but the fact that you're providing a birthday tea aswell, I wouldn't be at all worried about having to provide a packed lunch.

For the record, when you were saying about not knowing what the children would like in their packed lunches, I usually by those small white/brown rolls. Do one ham, one cheese, a yoghurt tube, crisps, a mini muffin and a piece of fruit. Generally most children like ham OR cheese and there's a lot of swapping going on so they generally still end up with two rolls each which is fine.

Hope your DS has a lovely birthday.

SavoyCabbage · 05/04/2016 07:11

I'd do the packed lunch Letstry suggests with a bottle of water for refilling. Write their names on the bottle with permanent marker.

Text the parents asking them all to bring a rucksack.

It sounds like a great party.

NightWanderer · 05/04/2016 07:15

You know what. I agree, just ask them to bring a packed lunch. If you are paying for paintball and providing tea that's loads.

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