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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask party attendees to bring a pack lunch?

180 replies

cakedup · 05/04/2016 00:00

Taking DS (11) and five of his friends out for the day for his birthday. We will be taking public transport (1 hour journey) and when we get to the venue, the kids will be taking part in an activity lasting 3 hours - similar to paint-balling. Then we will have the birthday tea before heading home.

Originally, my mum was supposed to come but is not well. This means I will have to carry all the party food including the cake myself. I was discussing with a friend about how much I need to bring and how best to carry it etc. and she thought it was perfectly reasonable to ask everyone to bring a throwaway pack lunch to eat on the journey there. This would give me less to carry and would also ensure the kids get a lunch they will definitely like and eat. I would only then have to provide the birthday tea.

But I feel VERY rude asking the parents to provide a pack lunch for a birthday party! WIBU to ask this? How would you feel if you were asked?

OP posts:

MissDuke · 06/04/2016 11:16

Op, don't forget to update!

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 06/04/2016 11:17

I wouldn't bat an eyelid if someone asked me to send a DC with food.

I wouldn't worry though OP. Snacks and drinks is fine. Most parents will probably just feed 'em before sending anyway.

SoupDragon · 06/04/2016 11:19

I think that if you say something like "I'll be taking a birthday tea for after the party but please could your child bring a packed lunch to eat on the way" all is fine.

Few parties feed your child twice!

Lemonblast · 06/04/2016 11:24

I wouldn't mind sending a packed lunch in these circumstances. My biggest concern would be that you are the only adult in charge of a group of kids of that age, on public transport an hour away from home. What happens if one twists an ankle or starts throwing up and passing out ? (Both have happened at kids parties I've organised ) really would ask one of the other parents to come with you.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 06/04/2016 11:29

It's today, isn't it? So OP should be sorted by now!

But Rainbow -

"To the posters who are saying that it is short notice and they would have to go to the shop to get stuff for a packed lunch. Are you really suggesting that you have nothing in to make a lunch, no bread, cheese, cold meat, jam or whatever, couldn't rustle up a few crackers and cheese, a bit of fruit and a biscuit or pack of crisps or a yogurt from their fridge and cupboards, I find that more incredible than the ones who think it is rude to ask for a packed lunch."

I don't have children, but no, I don't. I don't have sandwiches as I'm gluten intolerant, I'm trying to avoid bread. I tend to cook lunch - scrambled egg usually - or I'm at work so it's catered or I buy something. I have crisps, probably, but not fruit (I'm not at home enough to eat it, it just goes off).

I don't think I'm that unusual - my friend has two kids and I babysat last night, she has no packed lunch stuff in either as it's half term and they've grazed on it all already. They knew that if they ate it all early in the week, they wouldn't have anything else bought. Again, they've meal-planned cooked lunches and dinners for the week.

On the right day, I'd make an effort to go to a shop on the way home and pick stuff up and it'd be no problem - but I leave at 6am three days a week, and don't get home 'til 10pm. There's nothing open around here then. My routine means I just eat out, but that wouldn't help with one days notice. I'd probably borrow from neighbours/friends if the situation did arise for me, but not everyone would have that option - so I was just saying that OP might need to take some things, if there are parents who couldn't prepare a packed lunch at short late notice.

I don't think it's that unusual but maybe I am!

elQuintoConyo · 06/04/2016 11:30

I would not mind in the slightest. Not one eyebrow would be raised. I'd even overdo my own child's packed lunch so he could share some bits (pic n mix, kinder egg for everyone os some such nonsense).

I hope you have a lovely and unstressful day.

LifeCrossRoad · 06/04/2016 11:39

I think if you say you are providing tea, I wouldn't think being asked to provide a packed lunch to eat on the way there to eat on the train is rude. I'd think if you said it was just you and you couldn't carry enough food, I wouldn't think twice about sending kid with sandwiches for way there. Like you said gets around the what they want to eat. You're doing a lot with them and giving them one meal, 2 would be a lot.
Not rude at all.

OohMavis · 06/04/2016 11:49

An all day activity is very different to just a party (though actually having said that, I've sent DS along with food at the hosts' request for a 2-hour picnic party and thought nothing of it!).

I'd be more than happy to provide a lunch for an all-day thing. Don't see how it's rude at all tbh.

PrimalLass · 06/04/2016 11:50

I don't have children, but no, I don't.

If you have children you are more likely to have some sort of lunch stuff that can be pulled together at short notice. But even then, the OP never said she was providing lunch so it should not be a surprise.

schmooo1975 · 06/04/2016 12:01

I've spent months (years?) lurking but this thread has moved me to post. Ask them to bring packed lunches, I would happily do so knowing that you are taking my child out for 7 hours and providing tea. It beggars belief that some posters consider this rude!

Wanderingwondering · 06/04/2016 12:06

Hope it went ok OP! I'm sure parents wouldn't have minded sending packed lunch but as you said drinks and snacks they'd probably feed them before hand any way.
Fwiw I don't tend to have packed lunch stuff in the house as children have school dinners and I take soup but I managed to throw one together in the last week of term when ds reminded me he needed one as we were leaving the house! Cheese, crackers, cold cross bun, fruit, bottle of water. Wouldn't win any prizes but adequate!

Tusty · 06/04/2016 12:20

I'd not be expecting to provide a lunch, but then I'd also not usually expect lunch and tea. I'd try and time it to do only 1 or the other, and then potentially provide something snacky to tide them over until getting home/until tea if you're not providing lunch. I'm lazy though, I'd take snacks for the journey and then just buy whatever food's there for sharing, or just not provide 2 lots of food.

If you need to do a lunch, we always do 2 sandwich options, then pack up the rest in individual boxes - if you've a mix of crisps, people can swap if they don't like the ones they're given. And for sandwiches they can just choose - you just need to make sure you've got extra in case they all want cheese.

TrippleBlessed · 06/04/2016 13:27

Providing a packed lunch for them all to carry, sounds to be the best option just to avoid any awkwardness that you may feel for having asked them to make their own. If they made their own then they would be carrying it anyway, right. So as you're inviting them it just seems common etiquette to cater for them. Though if explained to parents they probably wouldnt mind (I wouldn't, I might even offer to make it for all the kids - but not everyone thinks the same way).

CheshireGirl38 · 06/04/2016 15:34

I wouldn't worry at all about asking the parents to provide a packed lunch. If you're taking them on a day out and providing transport, then you're already doing enough. It will make it easier for you if you didn't have to faff with food as well. Maybe just provide snacks for the journey and some extra drinks. Seriously, don't make all the kiddies individual packed lunches yourself! I asked parents to provide packed lunches when I took a group of kids to a theme park and no-one batted an eyelid.

catz747 · 06/04/2016 17:15

It's a little unusual but so is going out for the day, I think it is perfectly reasonable!

DixieNormas · 06/04/2016 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 06/04/2016 17:49

If you were looking after my kid for half a day and taking them on a fantastic activity, I wouldn't mind making a packed lunch at all. Hell, I'd make you one, too.

DixieNormas · 06/04/2016 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emjones88 · 06/04/2016 20:12

I would have no issue providing a packed lunch if asked. Parties are bloody expensive and I'd have to feed my son anyway. The fact you're paying for the rest makes it absolutely fine IMO.

Spandexpants007 · 06/04/2016 20:17

That's 5 hours from beginning to end. Long party!! A packed lunch is only a small thing and I'd be happy to provide one if it would make things easier.

GeezAJammyPeece · 06/04/2016 20:22

I hope the day was a great success and you are now home with your feet up op!

mammamic · 06/04/2016 22:19

I don't think it's rude at all cakedup

I would not think anything negative. If someone is kind enough to take my child on a day out to celebrate a birthday - and that day out is a train ride away with no other adult help, I think a packed lunch is the least I can do to help.

I'm glad I'm not friends with some of the posters on this thread LOL...

WonderingAspie · 06/04/2016 22:32

Be interested to see how it turned out. I wouldn't have considered it rude if I'd gotten a message explaining the helper had pulled out and the food couldn't be carried.

Bleedintired · 07/04/2016 06:29

I'd have no issue with this at all. What you are doing sounds amazing and I would be so grateful if my child was asked to this party. I'd probably offer my assistance.

UANBU.

It is not rude.

Bleedintired · 07/04/2016 06:30

Could not agree more.

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