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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be excited about being 'the other girl' in a threesome

103 replies

AreBags · 04/04/2016 00:48

Met a guy in the pub I go in regularly. Lots of chemistry but he has a gf - he revealed this to me early on. Some background - early 20s and not been remotely promiscuous previously. I came out of a relationship just before Christmas and am not ready emotionally for anything else. Bisexual but not actually had a relationship with a girl
Anyway, this guy told me on Thursday that he and his girlfriend have threesomes quite often but she's always the decider - so he won't do anything without her blessing and she has to be there etc. The way he speaks about her is amazing - he is clearly obsessed.
So I for some reason (drunk) agreed to all this but as I've not met her yet we've texted a bit and I'm meeting her for a bit on Wednesday.

AIBU to be really rather excited at the prospect of sex without any strings or am I being an idiot?

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 04/04/2016 00:51

I think, generally speaking the second woman in a threesome usually ends up feeling rather like the third wheel. Because it is all about the couples fantasy.

I'd be careful, the dynamics of threesome are weird.

Disclaimer - not speaking from experience.

fatmomma99 · 04/04/2016 00:53

I've had a threesome, and whilst it was exciting at the time, it was ultimately uncomfortable and unsatisfying.

Not trying to be judgy - people can do what they want, but I've found whenever I've had 'recreational' sex, without being emotionally involved with the people I've had sex with, it hasn't ended well. For me, sex is about an emotional connection as well as fancying the person (but each to their own).

In this scenario, you sound very much like the third wheel, and I'm not sure what's in it for you, but it's your choice.

fatmomma99 · 04/04/2016 00:54

x-posted use of phrase "3rd wheel"!

OddSocksHighHeels · 04/04/2016 00:54

I wouldn't believe it until I'd actually met her. Other than that, it's your business what you get up to and if you're all agreed and happy then that's all there is to it.

Original poster
AreBags · 04/04/2016 00:56

That's what i was worried about... I dont tend to do sex stuff with people I'm not close with anyway so I was thinking this would be a good way to get my rocks off but also I think it could be quite bad

OP posts:
PlaymobilPirate · 04/04/2016 00:58

You might not even fancy her!!

PlaymobilPirate · 04/04/2016 00:59

You might not even fancy her!

Original poster
AreBags · 04/04/2016 01:05

I've seen but not properly met her and I'm fairly confident that I will fancy her

OP posts:
Lotsofplanetshaveanorth · 04/04/2016 01:08

I did this (a long time ago) and was fun and exciting. No awkwardness at the time as although close to the woman I didn't really know or especially fancy her then boyfriend, so no loss.

However years later she told the story to her subsequent boyfriend, I suspect to titllate him and I felt so totally betrayed. The subsequent boyfriend was a quite unpleasant chap and to be honest our friendship has never recovered.

Now, older fatter and living in a small town I think the offer is unlikely to come up again (so to speak!) but I would say no. I am more conservative now than I used to be, and much more private (I guess no I have more to lose too as in a loving marriage.

Have fun if it works out but be aware there may be longer term consequences so be prepared for the different outcomes with the people involved.

DiscoGlitter · 04/04/2016 01:08

If he was that bothered about his girlfriend, he wouldn't be trying to shag others under the guise of "it's all a bit of fun."
Sounds like a slime ball to me, I'd stay well rid.

SoThatHappened · 04/04/2016 01:10

The way he speaks about her is amazing - he is clearly obsessed.

So obsessed with her he regularly has sex with other women too.

OddSocksHighHeels · 04/04/2016 01:12

It's interesting though that you say you agreed to it because you were drunk and have then come on here to ask opinions about it. Do you actually want to go through with it?

Original poster
AreBags · 04/04/2016 01:15

oddsocks yes, I do. I came on here to ask opinions because I have nobody I can talk to about it in 'real life'. Sorry if that upsets you

OP posts:
SoThatHappened · 04/04/2016 01:17

AreBags either you want to do it or you dont.

If you feel the need to discuss first, it suggests you arent sure and if you arent sure dont do it.

It is that simple.

Plenty of guys / women looking for NSA sex without getting involved in someones clearly dysfunctional relationship.

OddSocksHighHeels · 04/04/2016 01:20

It doesn't upset me at all Confused I asked because of the way you phrased it So I for some reason (drunk) agreed to all this which sounds like you aren't that confident in the decision.

Bogeyface · 04/04/2016 01:20

In his head he gets to have sex with two women in the same bed and then watch them have sex with each other.

In your head, you get to have good fulfilling sex with a man and a woman in the same bed and then.....watch them have sex with each other I guess.

Who knows what is going on in her head? And you only have his word for it that she is up for it without any pressure from him.

Threesomes usually come with a whole boat load of fantasies, expectations and disappointments. I wouldnt go there personally.

CuttedUpPear · 04/04/2016 01:21

I don't think Oddsocks is upset by it. It is a legitimate question. You're asking us if you are being unreasonable to be excited by the prospect.
I think the notion of a threesome is mostly erotic in the mind, actually it's quite wearyingly technical to make sure everyone gets satisfaction.

Bogeyface · 04/04/2016 01:22

However, if you really want to take part in a threesome then being the Extra in the bed is probably the safest way to do it. You can walk away, whereas they are the ones who have to deal with the relationship fall out.

GingerLeaves · 04/04/2016 01:34

You'll probably feel like the third wheel... Which you are Smile

shiteforbrains · 04/04/2016 01:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 04/04/2016 12:28

Thought about this and the "met a bloke in a pub" aspect of it bothers me.

You know nothing about these people! Nothing about their attitudes, their preferences, their sexual health...

TheStoic · 04/04/2016 12:37

Of course YANBU to be excited about fulfilling a sexual fantasy, if that's what you're doing.

Personally, as a PP said, I think it's much better to be the 'third wheel' than the...second wheel.

huskylover · 04/04/2016 13:05

Ew, no no no.

I can never understand why a couple, would invite a 3rd person in to their bed?

It would absolutely break my heart, to watch DH have sex with another woman. And I know he would detest seeing me with another man would rip his head off

Personally, I think this guy is a slimeball. I can't imagine that the GF enjoys seeing him have sex with all these other women, she probably goes along with it due to low self esteem and thinking it's the only way to keep him. He's propositioning women in pubs, with a view to sleeping with them.

He is sleeping with many women, I would therefore be very concerned about the sexual health aspect of this liason.

If you do go ahead, fgs, don't let them take any photo's of you in a compromising position he's got the morals of an alley cat and goodness knows who he'd show them to

DSHousewife01 · 04/04/2016 13:12

I say go for it. You obky live once and may never get the chance. If it is rubbish, put it behind you and move on.

Set some ground rules beforehand about what is and isnt acceptable.

Could you take a male friend with you to keep an eye on things, just to be safe? (as it seems like you dont really know either of them too well)

gentlydownthestreamm · 04/04/2016 13:16

Why is it so unlikely this girl actually likes threesomes? Why must it be the case her BF is a slimeball who is pressurising her into it so he can have sex with other women? I think that's a really depressing point of view to take. I have a couple of female friends who have had threesomes and enjoyed it. Women are allowed to enjoy sex as much as man and in as many different ways.

It wouldn't be my cup of tea as I'm already an insecure person and I'd be totally paranoid about 'fairness' and everything during a threeesome. But I don't think you've got anything to lose by meeting up with the girlfriend and seeing how you feel after that OP. Just make it clear you haven't decided one way or the other.