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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be excited about being 'the other girl' in a threesome

103 replies

AreBags · 04/04/2016 00:48

Met a guy in the pub I go in regularly. Lots of chemistry but he has a gf - he revealed this to me early on. Some background - early 20s and not been remotely promiscuous previously. I came out of a relationship just before Christmas and am not ready emotionally for anything else. Bisexual but not actually had a relationship with a girl
Anyway, this guy told me on Thursday that he and his girlfriend have threesomes quite often but she's always the decider - so he won't do anything without her blessing and she has to be there etc. The way he speaks about her is amazing - he is clearly obsessed.
So I for some reason (drunk) agreed to all this but as I've not met her yet we've texted a bit and I'm meeting her for a bit on Wednesday.

AIBU to be really rather excited at the prospect of sex without any strings or am I being an idiot?

OP posts:
georgiatraher · 04/04/2016 15:26

Just sort out the rules first because it can be quite deflating to get all riled up and then find out you're not allowed to give or receive certain things.

But otherwise think it's fine and quite empowering to walk away from any guilty relationship feelings they might have afterwards. Enjoy it.

herecomesthsun · 04/04/2016 15:26

I am sure that there are some members of the Firm who could tell good stories about their escapades...

LilacSpunkMonkey · 04/04/2016 20:00

Countdown until a certain male poster arrives to push for more and more details...

WaitrosePigeon · 04/04/2016 20:06

I've had some fantastic threesomes. I absolutely loved it. Hope I get to do it again one day.

There have never been any problems for me.

GingerLeaves · 04/04/2016 20:13

Lilac - what's with the assumption? Hmm

Buzzardbird · 04/04/2016 20:22

Ha, so true Lilac, just checked to make sure it wasn't a zombie brought back to life just for that purpose.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 04/04/2016 20:42

Ginger, it's not an assumption about the OP, so no need for the Hmm

There is a certain male poster who hangs around the Sex board (probably why he's not arrived here yet) and demands updates from female posters about their sex lives. I'm not the only one who's noticed him, as you can see from Buzzardbird's response.

GingerLeaves · 04/04/2016 20:44

No, I didn't think it was about the OP, but about the male race Grin fair enough, if there's someone specific.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 04/04/2016 20:48

I did say certain male poster!

I've got a dad, two brothers and two sons who I love and respect very much. I don't make assumptions about men in general.

GingerLeaves · 04/04/2016 20:49

There's a lot of people who do, on here though, when a male person is around! Confused

AnyFucker · 04/04/2016 22:07

Has Eekaman not rocked up then ? He's probably on holiday in Thailand or summat.

SoConfused15 · 04/04/2016 22:20

Sounds like fun OP. hope the meet on Weds goes well.

IME you can agree safe sex and any off limits activities by text in advance to avoid killing the mood on the day.

Sparklingbrook · 04/04/2016 22:21

The certain male poster will be so cross if he has missed this thread.

Lotsofplanetshaveanorth · 05/04/2016 00:46

Meant to add ...we booked a hotel for the night so it was neutral territory for all and also because we were young and didn't want flat mates to talk

Original poster
AreBags · 05/04/2016 01:00

OK you lot, I'm back and ready to clarify lots of things

I met this guy in y local - he works there so isn't a random. I've spent a lot of time with him over the past couple of weeks and would consider him a mid to close friend - he didn't just come out with the invitation immediately, it was after lots of quite deep talk about sexuality etc etc etc (we have normal conversations too)

Gf is indeed bi and this is how they both get their rocks off. Not really my business (yet) but as far as I've been told this is how they both remain technically faithful. Not healthy and not a relationship I'd be happy in but it's not my business even if I do get involved, as far as I'm concerned

Previous paragraph is why I'm meeting her first. If I get any indication that he's lying or that she's uncomfortable I won't do it - I couldn't do that to myself let alone her.

Ty those who have been unjudgy and thanks for the stories of your experiences, been very helpful

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 05/04/2016 06:54

'OK you lot' Confused

How are you going to find out about this couple's sexual health being OK?

BertrandRussell · 05/04/2016 08:29

So you've known him a couple of weeks?

Do be careful.

Stresshead123 · 05/04/2016 08:38

I also think go for it, I have done it a few times & loved it. I found it all felt very natural to be honest! Make sure the girl is cool though & not jealous. Also set a few boundaries & chat about what u like & don't like. Make sure u all on same page & no one left out & it should be amazing. Don't get too drunk though. Your a long time dead! Enjoy it !

Mousefinkle · 05/04/2016 08:40

Just want to back fatmomma up about recreational sex.

I've never had a threesome but the couple of times I've had casual sex the sex has been atrocious. Truly the worst sex of my life. It seems exciting at the time, the notion of doing it with someone you barely know but the reality is pretty grim and I felt sleazy and cheap for a while afterwards too.

I imagine a threesome could have a similar outcome. It's fantasy material. I've fantasised about it before too but I'm certain the reality wouldn't live up to my expectations, someone is going to get left out.

Pufflehuff · 05/04/2016 09:14

There was an article in Glamour on this last issue. The Third Wheel girl felt sad and ended up going home early, promising herself she'd never do it again. She felt like a sex toy they'd both used to then get warmed up for each other, and basically after the first bit, she was no longer needed. Unless she wanted to just sit about watching the couple going at it, which was what it turned into.

QuimReaper · 05/04/2016 09:37

OP, I thought this thread was going to be much worse than it was in terms of "judginess" - you've had lots of good, practical advice, lots of encouragement.

Frankly the most judgmental thing on the thread is your proclaiming your "close friend's" relationship "not healthy" because they occasionally (or regularly), on a consensual basis, invite a third party into their bed, which in this instance is you, much to your excitement Hmm

herecomesthsun · 05/04/2016 09:40

I don't have any experience of this stuff, but I think kindness, respect and emotional sensitivity is where it is at. If everyone is made to feel valued and needs considered as much as possible then it is going to be a much more pleasant experience, There is potential for something positive and potential for hurt in various ways. I think that Erika Moen's webpage linked to earlier (written by someone who knows a lot more about this stuff) put that very well!

But then I only would consider sleeping with someone if I think they are going to be kind to me anyway, I find game playing and silly bastard stuff very offputting and always have.

QuimReaper · 05/04/2016 09:41

Puff again, that's why it's so important to vet the couple properly in terms of an open conversation about what everyone hopes to get out of it. That couple had awful threesome etiquette and obviously hadn't done their research on how to treat their third! I can see how it would happen, unless they'd hired this girl there's no excuse to treat her like a sex toy.

MrsLion · 05/04/2016 09:52

I don't necessarily agree with all this third wheel stuff. As Samantha Jones once said, (and I have to admit I agree)

'Always be the guest in a threesome'

If there chemistry with the girlfriend when you meet her then go for it.

Be careful, but have fun OP

angielou123 · 05/04/2016 10:42

I had a threesome years ago with a long time friend and her bf. At the time, we were drunk and it was exciting, but you've no idea how disgusting I felt the next day. It spoiled the friendship completely, at least you don't have that to worry about. I would not recommend it.

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