To ask if you know anyone who wrecked a promising career

[icecreamwithflake]

And got their life together anyways?

Obviously you don't want to out yourself, but it might be helpful to know the kind of work you were involved with. You've mentioned a HT, so perhaps you were a teacher?

I once got sacked at 1/4 to 4 on a Friday afternoon (from a job I hated), I was VERY proud that I got a temp job by 9am the next Monday, but I have secretarial skills.

Since then, I've done major career changes. I don't earn that much now, but I get school holidays off (major plus) and loads of job satisfaction. I'm happy to PM you about what I've done and how that may help you, but not much use if you're an IT person!

Talk to union or professional body, that's what you pay your sub for. Find a solicitor specialising in employment law, worth paying for a consultation.
If it is teaching you do try the private sector, some schools aren't too interested in what a previous employer says about you, they'd rather take you on probation and judge for themselves. Take any job you can get to rebuild your confidence, you probably have people who can give you character references even if they're not in your particular field.

I can fully understand why the OP doesn't want to give any more details.

I had a serious breakdown and had to leave teaching due to workplace bullying. My HT wouldn't give me a reference and he wouldn't allow any of his staff to give me one either.

I have a new career now (a job and self employment) and ultimately my ex HT did me a favour. I've been with my current employer for just over 12 years and I love my job.

Me.
I made a small mistake which I stupidly owned up too (no evidence to prove it was me) and while being interrogated I asked why others in the organisation got away with a lot worse. I mentioned that my boss was doing dodgy things and nothing happened to him. I forgot that his wife was even more senior then him and protected him.
End of story I was sacked for misconduct. Multiple people had and still make the same error and nothing happens.
I am still angry about it but choose not to fight it as my DH works for the same organisation.
I have returned to university and am starting all over again at age 36.

I appreciate you don't want to disclose your current situation, but if you want to hear mine (includes a HT who I can't use as ref) I will share and maybe that will help?

Thank you ilovesooty for understanding.

I've tried as much as I can to pick up the pieces but it's incredibly difficult and it's proving harder than I thought to move on.

I will tell you this much - that I was told in quite stern terms that I should do something that was wrong. In hindsight I perhaps should have told the union but I don't think they'd have helped and I was very pressured so did it. Then took the blame when it was emerged that 'I' did it. This mistake then subsequently followed me elsewhere.

I was sacked for having threatened to leave (and having been over-emotional/stroppy) and therefore no longer being reliable. They waited a few weeks to be sure I finished the horrendous project I was on, which had me working til 3am. I was devastated.

I was actually due to go for a three-month sabbatical so continued with my plans, and ended up taking two years off to travel. My boss wrote to me apologising and saying he realised what a great job I'd done.

When I came back I freelanced and still do. My work is in the same field and I would probably get work from my old boss if he was still there. I am better suited to freelance life as I can't handle the petty politics and lack of freedom you get in an office, and I also manage my stress better at home.

If you are a teacher, talk to your Union and take up the offers of PMs here - you need help. can your HT actually sack you? If not make having a reference a condition of leaving.

The unions haven't been helpful and in any case it was now a good eighteen months ago. It's just I did think at first I might be able to move on but I can't.

So you want to leave? If it's 18 months are you sure you won't get a reference? Do you want to stay in teaching?

No, no I left at the time when it all kicked off. I've tried to pull things round but unfortunately it just sort of keeps haunting me. I'm sorry that I'm being so vague.

Sounds v hard and as you left you are in a weaker position (though i understand why you did). Can't you do supply or tutoring? That would be the equivalent of my freelancing.

I think there are always ways to start again, though it's not easy. It may be that you need a complete change. Retail is one area where you can work your way up.

I'd definitely talk to the HT who offered to talk it through if you pm her. She might have insights you haven't thought of.

I have been thanks :) it's just not a career or a good career move CV wise. Or hugely lucrative and I'm struggling a bit financially to be honest.

I think sometimes everything feels crap and hopeless, and that forces one to rethink and change direction. We often change because the way we are doing things starts to feel too uncomfortable to bear. I hope this is one of those times for you.

So do I :)

Might also be worth posting (under a name change!) A different thread about career change options given your background? The field I work in has quite a few ex teachers in it, but it's not an obvious career iykwim. So you might get ideas on jobs that will suit your skill set but not in your current field.

Aren't they legally obliged to give a reference that just says "joe blogs worked here from X date to y date".

Can you get a reference from a previous employer!?

Can you go back to the union? Ask them for help now.

Can you do supply teaching?

Can you go into training / HE / adult learning?

Now that dust has settled, go and see HT to see if there's any way they'll give you a reference.

Not sure if any of those suggestions are viable but you need to get proactive and start pushing at some doors. One will open.

Without knowing any of the details it's hard to say whether you can do anything about your previous job, but in terms of moving forward, like others I would advocate some sort of agency work. I'm not sure what your skill set is but if you go and see a decent sized recruitment agency (such as Pertemps or Hays) they will service a wide range of organisations. Be honest about your employment history and explain how concerned you are about your reference. They'll still have to ask for one but it won't be a surprise if it comes back negative. They will have contracts which have to be serviced by "bums on seats" and the reference issue won't be too critical.

Stick the agency work out for 6 to 12 months. You never know, one of your placements may become permanent. These jobs may not be something you want to do for the rest of your life but at least it fills a gap in your cv and gets you over the reference problem.

I know loads of people who have.

From getting done for drunk driving to things that weren't their fault.

Some have had to change to career slightly. So a teacher went from tutoring to supply teacher back into a private school a few years later.

Some have changed completely. Only you can decided if you can work round it or not, given enough time.

I've tried Bears but it just got a bit accusatory in tone as people do get really cross when you can't go into detail so not sure really ... The HT just won't it was all horrible

You would be absolutely surprised as to what people in here can tell you.

I've seen many threads where the op has been given brilliant advice and taken it, situations where they thought nothing could be done and that was that.

But it turned out things could be done, wYs around things, we can help you explain your experience to others in an advantageous way iyswim rather than it looking horrific against your character..........

Different perspectives are what it's all about

I've known people get new jobs with neutral references, and go on to have happy careers. Can you not get any reference at all?

You do sound totally defeated though. Of course other people have gone on to have great careers, but not without confidence and hard work.

Icecream I didn't just lose my job I lost my whole career. My employer was the only one in the state. I had to retrain.
We had to move so DH could transfer out of the area as the boss that sacked me was also his boss. I lost a lot of 'friends' too. My friends were my colleagues (all shiftworkers) and when I lost my job...out of sight out of mind.
It takes time but it does get easier. I lost my job while on leave after failing my final exam due to being stressed over another IVF failure (you are allowed three attempts and I knew I would pass). So my life fell apart. It does get easier but you do need to find a way to move on otherwise it eats you alive.

I've misled re the reference - not intentionally.

I have a reference which says I resigned rather than be dismissed (true) and then goes onto outline those exact circumstances.

It also said a lot of other stuff that wasn't true but can't really be argued with as its one persons perspective.