To ask if you know anyone who wrecked a promising career

[icecreamwithflake]

And got their life together anyways?

[Scooterloo]

Could you get a nice ex colleague to do a reference for you?

[incandescentalright]

Working somewhere and being scapegoated is very, very demoralising, and it sounds like you've absorbed this. Your attitude is defeatist - absolutely not being critical, as it sounds like you've had a very hard time and this is a natural reaction, but you need to work towards getting over this outlook, which is not going to help you. Try to work towards framing your life in broader terms - not thinking in the terms that have been handed to you from your last workplace, but taking a step back and seeing that workplace in the context of your life as a whole.

Ultimately you have the choice of either trying to stay in your current field, either by trying to get a job with your references from your current role, or as pps have said, by doing temp work and getting references from there. Have you actually spoken to your boss/HR people/whoever about what your reference would be like? It might be that they are not going to mention the incident, whatever it is. And if relations with the company are so bad, there doesn't seem any harm in asking. Bear in mind that there have been incidents of people being sued about negative references (for libel) so it may be that they have a company policy of being neutral rather than negative. Worth looking into anyway.

Otherwise, you need to think about what other jobs you can do. This might mean retraining (for which you can get a loan, but obvs only do this if it seems lucrative enough). Or there are some training programmes you don't need a loan for - teach first, accountancy for eg. Retraining will mean that you will be able to put your course tutors down as references. Or you could try getting an entry level role in another organisation and working your way up.

I think it sounds like volunteering or some kind of training would be good for you in the short term -- you need to reframe the narrative of your life somehow. Good luck.

[icecreamwithflake]

Unfortunately HT won't give me a reference and I need it to move on.

[SnapCackleFlop]

Op sorry you're going through this

[SnapCackleFlop]

PastaLaFeasta could I ask what area you're retraining for? I'd like to retrain after long period of being SAHM too and it would be really helpful to know what other people are doing :)

[PastaLaFeasta]

Sent you a PM Snap. It's not very exciting however.

[greenfolder]

So what could you do to retrain. I assume you were a teacher? What was your degree in?

[Maidupmum]

I'm a HT and it sounds quite serious. PM me if you want

[TopHat33]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It seems like it's the end, but believe me there's a way round it. If you could say a bit more we may be able to offer some practical advice.

But no. YANBU. There's always a way.

[Scarydinosaurs]

I have experience with this- PM me if you want.

[AtSea1979]

Get a reference from a colleagues not the HT. In a different field being from the HT won't necessarily matter.
Or consider retraining and doing a couple of hours voluntary work then you can get reference from them.

[cricketqueen]

It can be done. Not the same career but my dh did it. Scapegoated by his manager, but got some collegues to give him references and got a new job within a month. I think the main thing is to be positive. Good luck

[icecreamwithflake]

I really appreciate the offers of PMs, but I don't think there's anything that can be done.

[pilpiloni]

I know someone who was in a pretty senior position in my organization and was convicted of possessing child pornography and jailed. He was obviously sacked and also deported back to his home country from the U.S.

I looked him up on LinkedIn and he's got himself a good academic position in his home country. Interestingly he doesn't mention his job in my organization on his resume!

[icecreamwithflake]

It wasn't anything like that although from a career perspective it might as well be

[EverySongbirdSays]

No offence OP but you've gone a bit Facebook now.

Vague status that says somethings wrong but refuses to give specifics.

Lots of 'U OK hun' ? No further info given

You sort of need to shit or get off the pot.

A friend nearly lost his teaching career after becoming the victim of workplace bullying, and was sacked. He fought his way back through tribunal and went back to teaching a year later.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Op are you in a union / professional association.

I agree it's hard to give advice when you're being so vague

[icecreamwithflake]

Every, your analogy doesn't really work.

'Shit or get off the pot' roughly translates means 'do XXX or shut up', I'll gladly shut up, but it's not clear what XXX is, in other words, what do you want me to say?

[icecreamwithflake]

I don't really need advice as there's absolutely nothing anyone can do, I'm just against a wall. One career is over and I don't know what else to do.

[Silverfoxofwarwick1953]

Pretty much all entrepreneurs.

Its called experience and bouncing back. They key is to learn from those early experiences, really learn with eyes wide open, and then do not make the same mistakes again.

[AnthonyPandy]

Please take up the offers of PMs etc. Maybe you are right and nothing can be done but you need to put that to rest for the sake of the future. In ten years time you don't want to be thinking 'maybe I should have sent her a PM'.

If nothing can be done, hear it from one who knows that for a fact (eg head teacher, union official etc) rather than one who thinks that may be the case (ie you).

[EverySongbirdSays]

icecream - "what do you want me to say?"

To actually give everyone a decent idea of what it is that has happened to you and why.

Can't really help otherwise

[Gabilan]

I've changed career twice. The second time I was scapegoated. Both times have meant taking backwards steps and lower paid jobs. I got round the references by being honest with temp agencies - so many people have been in this situation that they do understand.

I'm now happy in a job I love. I've made great friends I wouldn't have met had I stayed in career 1. The manager who scapegoated me was redundant in a year it would still be better for her to avoid me tho. I'd cheerfully kill her if I thought I could get away with it

[Divathecat]

Stan Collymore!!!! Wtf, he played football long after he beat her up (and tried to buy her silence with a luxury caribbean holiday).

[PastaLaFeasta]

OP, you need to take action and start picking up the pieces. You don't have a choice about moving on, you have to dust yourself down and find a different route - related to your current career or new. Take up the offer of the PMs, you need to talk this through properly with someone who understands. Is there any colleague you trust to lend an ear? A counsellor may also help, especially if they are also a careers coach/counsellor. Loads of people have been in the same position and they've got through it because they have to, learn from them and use the support to help you get back on your feet. There is a world of opportunity out there if you need to change career.