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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To 'confront' this man when he asked for the priority seat on the bus

622 replies

YoJesse · 02/04/2016 14:43

Me and Ds 3 were on a really packed bus, no seats left at all. I was standing and Ds was on one of the priority seats. The other 7 priority seats were taken up with what looked like young able bodied people and on Dad with a baby.

A man 50ish gets on, walks past all the other seats and says to me 'I'm disabled, can you move your son?' I got Ds up without questioning it but then I heard the Dad with the baby say to the man 'fucking hell, seriously mate?' This got me thinking that maybe it was a bit unfair so I tapped him on the shoulder and said 'as you can see I'm happy to give up the seat for you but as you can see there are lots of young, able looking people on the other priority seats, don't you think you should of asked them not my son?' He then goes off on one say ' I'm disabled, your son should be sitting in here in the first place etc' so I said that he is less able to stand on a moving bus than most other people so maybe he is entitled to the seat. The man got all sweaty and angry and I felt really uncomfortable so I got off.

Was I unreasonable to confront him?

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 02/04/2016 15:13

Sighs. Why have a small child sitting and parent standing when you can just put them on your lap?

I'm fairly sure that is what Bertie and others are suggesting.

In London (and probably other places) the priority seats and for pregnant people, the disabled, those with small children and anyone less able to stand. So it would be extremely rare to put a small child on a seat and stand yourself. By putting the child on your lap you take up the least amount of space; a single seat vs a seat and standing space.

EveryoneElsie · 02/04/2016 15:13

The pair of you embarassed a disabled person.

No one with a disability has to explain themselves to anyone.
Dont sit in the disabled seats. you dont know what is wrong with them and its none of your business.
Theres no need to comment on his apparent ability not to fall over.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 02/04/2016 15:14

Movingout you were pointing out I was wrong? How nice of you. The OP was standing up and I posted that in that case the child could not sit on her lap. You thought it was necessary to point out that if she sat down the child could sit on her lap, and when I replied that that would hardly help, you decided that was an indictment on my reading comprehension. What exactly does that achieve except to show that you like making irrelevant points and insulting people?

KoalaDownUnder · 02/04/2016 15:15

Oh, for goodness' sake. How is your three-year-old 'the most vulnerable person'?

If your child has a disability, you should have said so and not moved him.

If he doesn't, then he's not necessarily 'more vulnerable' than anyone else sitting in the priority seats. All of whom may actually have disabilities.

witsender · 02/04/2016 15:15

But the OP didn't feel wronged until some overly aggressive dick piped up...who clearly didn't care enough to offer his own.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 02/04/2016 15:15

Your reading comprehension was in response to your bizarre points about MN being anti women and children Schwab.

CloneMeNow · 02/04/2016 15:17

Well, as a disabled person, it is a bit hard to be expected to survey and judge all the people in seats and decide who to ask. Personally I would probably ask in a generalised way across all the priority seats - could someone let me have a seat? I don't know what happens if no-one does though. Just fall over, perhaps, though they would probably just rest their feet on my prone body :)

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 02/04/2016 15:17

Lawks I appear to have been drawn into a disabled on a bus thread. On a sunny Saturday when I have Things To Do.

I think I'm done Grin

bertsdinner · 02/04/2016 15:17

I think rather than confronting the man, it would have been better to confront the dad. He sounds pig ignorant. Call me old fashioned but I think swearing in front of young kids/ignorance about hidden disabilty is worse than asking a child to move.
I do think one of the other non disabled people, sat in the priority seats should have got off their arse and moved, rather than your son, but that's not the man's fault.

Original poster
YoJesse · 02/04/2016 15:17

everyoneelse I did not comment on the mans ability to stand or not Confused.

Of course I'd sit my son on the only available seat till it was needed by someone else more in need of it.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/04/2016 15:18

Maybe he asked you because his logic - rightly or wrongly - was at least a 3 year old could be held by an adult?

Sirzy · 02/04/2016 15:19

But berts we don't know the other people are non disabled. They may have been, and nothing was stopping the op from asking if any of them minded moving for her son.

Floggingmolly · 02/04/2016 15:19

Some people would let their three year old occupy a seat while adults are standing because they're "safer" sitting down?? What utter nonsense, and what an awful lesson in manners for your children.

Original poster
YoJesse · 02/04/2016 15:20

On no!!! Just read back through my op that should read sweary, not sweaty!!!

OP posts:
EveryoneElsie · 02/04/2016 15:20

You compared your sons ability to stand to his, whether you realise it or not.

'so I said that he [your son] is less able to stand on a moving bus than most other people so maybe he is entitled to the seat.' [over the disabled man].

Thegirlinthefireplace · 02/04/2016 15:21

I think the disabled man made a poor choice asking the 3 year old to stand but, in your shoes, I would have given him the seat and had a general shout out request form a seat for my 3 year old. I have done this before when travelling with people who struggle to stand and my experience has always been when a general request is put out to all passengers at least one person (often more) leap up quite quickly

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 02/04/2016 15:21

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut the majority of posts on MN about children on public transport result in a pile in damning any mother for not making herself as small and inconspicuous as possible if using public transport with her child. There is nothing wrong with my reading comprehension skills; of course I have not read every post on the topic to appear on the forum, but I very much doubt you have either.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 02/04/2016 15:22

Adults can hold their balance better than a three year old can on a moving bus.

KoalaDownUnder · 02/04/2016 15:22

Why would you need to request a seat for an able-bodied three-year-old?! Stand with them and hold their hand, surely. They're not babies.

Thegirlinthefireplace · 02/04/2016 15:22

Surprised people think it's safe for a 3 year old to be held or stand on a bus, wondering if people thinking that have ever travelled standing on a bus? You get thrown about something rotten even when holding on with a sensible adult grip.

Original poster
YoJesse · 02/04/2016 15:23

elsie not entitled over him! I just mean entitled to sit there till someone more in need (like him) gets on.

OP posts:
alltouchedout · 02/04/2016 15:23

Oh ffs floggingmolly, some people prefer their 3 year old not to fall over and bang into other people every time the bus stops abruptly, goes over a pothole, etc, due to the lack of handrails etc at 3 year old standing height. Most adults are far more capable of standing safely on a busy bus than a 3 year old is Hmm

Floggingmolly · 02/04/2016 15:25

Have you ever seen anyone leap up to give their seat to a three year old, girlinthefireplace? I'd point and laugh be extremely Hmm if I heard anyone ask. And like hell would I give up my seat.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 02/04/2016 15:25

DP (an ex-bus driver) has just said that it is considered dangerous for young children to stand.

Sirzy · 02/04/2016 15:25

If push came to shove I would sit a 3 year old on the floor/on my feet.