To be annoyed at my friend?

[GeraldineWigglesworth]

I'm sure I'll get mixed reactions but I'm just interested in what others think.

Anyhow. On Monday I called my friend, let's call her Sarah, and suggested meeting on Tuesday. She agreed and all was good. Later on Monday, Sarah text me a couple of times re. going to a pub for lunch with her brother and Sarah's daughter. All fine. Tuesday morning, I text Sarah and said that I couldn't really afford lunch but would love to meet for drinks and for her just to text me when they had eaten and I'd pop over. The pub is literally 5 mins away so no problem. This was about 10.30am.

No response. The day went on and I kept expecting a reply but nothing. I had rearranged a meeting with my accountant to discuss some important issues so I was getting annoyed. I tried to call at about midday but it went to answer machine.

Anyhow, nothing all day. So, Wednesday afternoon I sent a text saying I was disappointed that I hadn't been contacted as it would have been nice to know if the meeting was off for some reason. Sick child or something.

No answer. However, I saw her on FB with a video of her and her giggling child so I knew her daughter wasn't sick.

Was I wrong to call her out on not at least letting me know what was going on? My text was very polite.

Yarburgh.

Yanbu even.

Why didn't you just go to the pub anyway? You're the one who arranged to meet up then cried off with no money. I would feel weird summoning someone along somewhere after we'd had our dinner.

So you agreed to go for a pub lunch but then a few hours before the event suddenly announce you can't afford it? If so, YABU.

So you'd agreed to the lunch, then on the Tuesday morning you were actually going you said no lunch just drinks?

You then text her at 12? What for to see what time she was eating?

Do you have history for changing plans last min?

Id feel a bit uncomfortable If a friend said for me to text when I'd finished as they couldn't afford lunch.

I don't think the op suggested or agreed to lunch did she

'She text re lunch with her brother and dd'
'All fine'

I took that to mean Op had agreed to lunch.

Then on morning if lunch cancelled.

'Of lunch'

So suddenly you woke up Tuesday morning and had no money? Were you robbed? Did the bank make a mistake and withhold all your money?
I'd worry less about Sarah and worry more about the state of your finances and making sure you never get to the point where you suddenly run out of money without warning again.

I'm going to start saying Yarburgh from now on

Yarburgh, imo.

No, I wasn't robbed. That's a totally ridiculous comment. I had a think about my finances and decided that I couldn't really afford lunch but would rather just meet for drinks. Is there something wrong with that? The main thing I'm annoyed with is the ignoring anyway.

You don't know if she got your texts - if she did then it's rude she didn't reply, if she didn't then you'll look rude for not turning up. Can you ring her now and say you think there's been crossed wires and it's a shame you missed her? It seems a bit weird that you sat there stewing all afternoon when you were 5 minutes from the venue and could've easily popped down to check though - my first thought would've been that she hadn't got the text for some reason so I'd better just turn up as arranged.

Yabu you confirmed plans and on the day declined. I wouldn't have bothered replying either.

Yes, StealthPolarBear. You are correct, I did not suggest or agree to lunch. It was suggested by my friend. I'm sure plenty of people do it, just meet slightly later. Especially if they don't know what time the first people are going. Should I just have phoned speculatively saying 'have you finished yet'?!!

Maybe she thinks you are a messer or felt she should offer to pay and felt embarrassed.

If I arranged a lunch and my friend said she would come along and then last minute 'couldn't afford it' I'd find that a little odd to be honest.

I wouldn't chase her reply. She may feel uncomfortable.

I'd let it go.

But we didn't have confirmed plans. I knew the venue but due to the none response to the text I didn't know the time.

The 'all fine' after her suggestion of lunch I took to mean you had agreed.

I'm a little confused.

I'm sure in real life you'd all be annoyed, I've been on MN for long enough. This is a new name btw.

So, scoop. Am I not allowed to change my mind?

You said all fine so to me you agreed. Then changed your mind on the day of. Sounds rude of you.

Is this a one off, or do you cancel/change plans often?

Sometimes what may seem to be a little thing actually turns out to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Maybe she rearranged her lunch with her brother to accommodate your lunch request at a place convenient to you and you pulled out?

As for drinks afterwards to be honest with small children I probably wouldn't stay on for drinks afterwards we would be moving on- swings, naps, shops, errands they all call as soon as you stop eating.

Change you mind as much as you like

You sound like a messer....

Maybe that's what your friend may think also.

No I don't change plans often. In fact if you read my OP, I rearranged an appointment with my accountant for this so I was looking forward to it.