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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my friend?

100 replies

GeraldineWigglesworth · 02/04/2016 09:19

I'm sure I'll get mixed reactions but I'm just interested in what others think.

Anyhow. On Monday I called my friend, let's call her Sarah, and suggested meeting on Tuesday. She agreed and all was good. Later on Monday, Sarah text me a couple of times re. going to a pub for lunch with her brother and Sarah's daughter. All fine. Tuesday morning, I text Sarah and said that I couldn't really afford lunch but would love to meet for drinks and for her just to text me when they had eaten and I'd pop over. The pub is literally 5 mins away so no problem. This was about 10.30am.

No response. The day went on and I kept expecting a reply but nothing. I had rearranged a meeting with my accountant to discuss some important issues so I was getting annoyed. I tried to call at about midday but it went to answer machine.

Anyhow, nothing all day. So, Wednesday afternoon I sent a text saying I was disappointed that I hadn't been contacted as it would have been nice to know if the meeting was off for some reason. Sick child or something.

No answer. However, I saw her on FB with a video of her and her giggling child so I knew her daughter wasn't sick.

Was I wrong to call her out on not at least letting me know what was going on? My text was very polite.

OP posts:
Original poster
GeraldineWigglesworth · 02/04/2016 09:59

Scoop, you sound like a twat

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 02/04/2016 10:01

GrinGrin

Only1scoop · 02/04/2016 10:03

Maybe change accounts?...

Get a good one you may be able to fund a lunch Wink

Lemonblast · 02/04/2016 10:03

YABU.
I suspect you have form for being flakey hence the lack of response you had.
Next time you make plans, stick to them.
In the meantime I would apologise to your friend.

BurstBees · 02/04/2016 10:03

Scoop isn't the one who sounds like a twat, here.

FruStefanOla · 02/04/2016 10:03

As it was in a pub, I would have just gone there anyway without sending the texts about not being able to afford it and "text me when you've finished eating".

After all, there's no obligation to eat in a pub just because your companion is eating. And if you didn't know the time, I would have opted for 12.30-1pm. If they'd been there, then I would have joined them - but if not I'd have have a drink whilst waiting for them.

AllisonWonderland · 02/04/2016 10:05

Are you short of cash because you're saving for a wedding abroad or a sofa by any chance?

Scooterloo · 02/04/2016 10:05

YANBU.

Did you apologise for changing your mind?

Your friend was rude to not acknowledge your text, whatever the circumstances.

plimsolls · 02/04/2016 10:08

If I was your friend and had someone else to have lunch with, I wouldn't have been annoyed that you wanted to come after we'd eaten. Me and my friends do that kind of arrangement often. I'm assuming that your friend (and brother) were planning to stay for a drink or two afterwards. So, in that situation, I'm surprised she didn't text you.

I do, however, have a very flaky friend and I probably have ignored her texts out of irritation before. You say that you don't usually change plans so I'm assuming the flakiness idea doesn't apply here.

Overall, I'd try not to stew too much. Nobody's perfect. Let us know if you hear back from her though. I'd be interested to hear why you got no reply and what her response is to you raising it with her.

witsender · 02/04/2016 10:10

Did she reply to your text cancelling lunch? She may have had no reception, hence it going straight to answerphone. So she wouldn't have known you were crying off until after and she thinks you're rude!

6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other tbh.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 02/04/2016 10:11

OP - AIBU?
Every one else ever - YES!
OP - No I'm not you're all twats

I can see why your friend didn't reply Grin

bigmouthstrikesagain · 02/04/2016 10:13

Sorry I think you sound flaky, maybe the text pulling out of lunch pissed off your friend. She was meeting her brother and having lunch, if her dd is young then maybe staying on after lunch for drinks is unappealing. Lunch can take a couple of hours in a busy place. Why bother texting you if she didn't want to hang around after she had eaten. It is your problem not hers, she made arrangements and presumably stuck to them.

RubbleBubble00 · 02/04/2016 10:21

You can't really do drinks with a child

m0therofdragons · 02/04/2016 10:21

Maybe she left her phone at home or she just assumed you were making excuses to pull out. After eating with my dc there's no way I'd want to then hang around for drinks - to be polite to you she'd need to stay for an extra hour. I think maybe you should have phoned her rather than sent a text when you were cancelling but it's odd she didn't reply. Maybe preoccupied though with brother and dc.

VioletTea · 02/04/2016 10:22

Sorry I think YABU to change plans like that at the last minute and put her in an awkward position.
Also how do you know she even received the text?
Have you tried calling her since? It was like, 3 days ago.
My friends and I just ring each other and say "what's up?" if we think something awkward has happened /got wires crossed.

thecatfromjapan · 02/04/2016 10:22

On Monday, you suggested meeting-up to your friend, the next day.

She agrees.

She then suggests a pub.

She then arranged to bring her brother and daughter.

You have double-booked to also see an accountant on Tuesday.

On Tuesday, you decide you have no money.

You cancel the meet-up with friend by phone, without actually speaking to her.

You suggest -also by message -thst she contact you when she's finished eating and you'll drop in (after the accountant).

--- I think you may seem a little casual, even over-casual.
If you cancel at the last minute, it may well be that you don't appear like the person who needs to be called immediately to be reassured that it's fine they cancelled.

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 02/04/2016 10:25

Difficult to tell, if it wasn't you who suggested lunch, rather than just meeting, and if she was already planning on eating with brother and daughter and invited you too, then I don't think YABU. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
If she'd organised the lunch around you I can see she might be a bit annoyed but still not really worth falling out over?

ShinyTurd · 02/04/2016 10:27

I'm not sure that's what happened Japan. I've just read the OP (forgive me if I'm wrong) just been dealing with screaming DD. I think the OP actually rearranged the accountant appointment to accommodate her friend so didn't double book. Also, I mostly text. Don't a lot of people? I certainly do because with DD, it's just easier. Plus a lot of my friends have babies so I don't want to wake them.

Anyhow, I think the main point is that the OP just wanted to know what was going on. I would like to know where she's gone......Geraldine, where are you??!!

Oooblimey · 02/04/2016 10:28

Because at the last minute you said you couldn't afford lunch it sounds a bit like a covert way of expecting her to say "don't worry I'll pay for your lunch" which I'm sure wasn't your intention but I know if I received that text I would feel obliged to offer.
Plus having been to the pub, ordered and eaten lunch, she probably wasn't planning on making it a longer arrangement by staying for more drinks after lunch.
You should have just gone as planned and just said "I don't fancy eating, I've had a sandwich and am making a big dinner later" or something, you would have been fine to be with them while they ate, it was a pub lunch not dinner at a 5 star restaurant.
Therefore I can see why she didn't bother replying and think that you ABU.
Plus if you can't afford ten quid for a pub lunch you really shouldn't be rearranging meetings with an accountant. Plus rearranging the accountant last minute probably messed up there dat too, so actually on thinking more about it you ABVU.

Groovee · 02/04/2016 10:31

I would have eaten at home and gone. Some people don't want to sit in a pub after they have finished paying for more drinks.

Whocansay · 02/04/2016 10:31

You sound flaky. And you also sound like you were angling for her to buy you lunch. I don't blame your friend for not chasing you up.

YABU, but you clearly don't want to hear that.

Topsy44 · 02/04/2016 10:39

You are not being unreasonable at all. There is nothing wrong with sending a text to change plans. You weren't leaving her alone in a pub, she was with her brother. I wouldn't be offended by this at all. Me and my friends often cancel or change plans by text as it is so much easier when you have children.

I think it is unreasonable of your friend not to respond to you. If she was peeved that you couldn't come to the lunch she should have said and not just left you wondering.

Hairyfecker · 02/04/2016 10:40

When I've finished lunch, I leave. Is that not the norm when you've got a child with you? Unless they're old enough to be plonked on a tablet for an hour or so.

VimFuego101 · 02/04/2016 10:41

I thought that too OooBlimey. If I got a text like the one the OP sent I would assume she was dropping hints that she wanted a free lunch. And yes, with a young child in tow I wouldn't really want to stick around for drinks afterwards either.

Hairyfecker · 02/04/2016 10:42

10.30 is very close to lunchtime, you don't know when she lifted her phone and saw the message. You changed the dynamics of the day entirely. I know people with accountants can still have money worries, but it does sound very odd!

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