To be annoyed at my friend?

[GeraldineWigglesworth]

I'm sure I'll get mixed reactions but I'm just interested in what others think.

Anyhow. On Monday I called my friend, let's call her Sarah, and suggested meeting on Tuesday. She agreed and all was good. Later on Monday, Sarah text me a couple of times re. going to a pub for lunch with her brother and Sarah's daughter. All fine. Tuesday morning, I text Sarah and said that I couldn't really afford lunch but would love to meet for drinks and for her just to text me when they had eaten and I'd pop over. The pub is literally 5 mins away so no problem. This was about 10.30am.

No response. The day went on and I kept expecting a reply but nothing. I had rearranged a meeting with my accountant to discuss some important issues so I was getting annoyed. I tried to call at about midday but it went to answer machine.

Anyhow, nothing all day. So, Wednesday afternoon I sent a text saying I was disappointed that I hadn't been contacted as it would have been nice to know if the meeting was off for some reason. Sick child or something.

No answer. However, I saw her on FB with a video of her and her giggling child so I knew her daughter wasn't sick.

Was I wrong to call her out on not at least letting me know what was going on? My text was very polite.

Hold on a minute, I've just re-read. OP said she never agreed to lunch, and made no specific plan. She then texted about meeting for drinks after this lunch she never agreed to, and got no response. So friend had NOT AGREED to drinks after lunch in any way, and there was no plan made at all.
So she's annoyed at her friend for not sticking to plans that hadn't actually been made.

YABVVVVU. And bloody hard work from the sound of it. What do you have to be annoyed about?

Later on Monday, Sarah text me a couple of times re. going to a pub for lunch with her brother and Sarah's daughter. All fine.

All fine. You agreed to lunch.

Also, if you cant afford a pub lunch how can you afford pub drinks?

Yep sylvia you are spot on.

The friend never suggested drinks. She suggest lunch. OP agreed to lunch. The OP changed her mind and suggested drink and that her friend would contact her to come for drinks. There was no response from friend. So friend never agreed to drinks, never agreed to stay at the pub after lunch and never agreed to contact OP to join them after lunch. The friend probably saw that OP wasnt up for lunch after all and changed her plans to have lunch somewhere that was more convenient for her and her brother than go to a pub 5 mins away from someone who wasnt turning up.

Yarburgh Sur Mer in fact

How can you afford "drinks" but not a plate of soup or a sandwich?

I would have thought you were being flaky if I were the friend.

I imagine she read the text saying "I can't afford lunch, I'll come for drinks" and thought: I never invited you to drinks, sod off. And then got snippy texts asking why they didn't text, did they have a sick child, I'm disappointed...and thought "loon, wtf are you talking about?"

But then I'm apparently a 'TWAT'

Me too

" So OP why did you say in your opening explanation "On Monday I called my friend, let's call her Sarah, and suggested meeting on Tuesday. She agreed and all was good."

Can't imagine anyone who would not assume this meant you were meeting for lunch on Tuesday."

Why would you assume lunch?
And do we definitely know the dd is a child?

YABU

OP obviously agreed to the lunch. She said "later on Monday, Sarah text me a couple of times re going to a pub for lunch". So there must have been a response from OP to the proposal.

OP is perfectly entitled to change her mind. But then, so is Sarah. And it looks as if Sarah never agreed to drinks in the first place.

I saw her on FB with a video of her and her giggling child so I knew her daughter wasn't sick.

Yeah, I'm afraid I agree YABU. She agreed to lunch - not to lunch and drinks after. You text her at the last minute to TELL her that she would be having drinks after lunch. Ie, telling her that she would essentially be doubling her time in this particular pub. That probably just didn't work for her - if she was factoring in a couple of hours for lunch with her bro, she might not have had the time or inclination to spend an extra couple of hours in the same pub with you after that. Especially as she has a young child who might have got restless. It would have been fine for you to ASK if she would have been ok doing this (though still annoying to change plans last minute) but not ok to just TELL her that this was what was happening.

None of this makes much sense.

I suggested that it sounded like the OP was angling for a free lunch purely because she had suggested the meeting time - lunchtime. When people eat. A baguette / chips / baked potato at a pub costs less than a glass of wine. OP left it right until the last minute to plead poverty, which is clearly nonsense as who arranges to go out with someone if they have no cash - unless they expect the other person to pay? OP is miffed because her friend wasn't exactly falling over herself to contact her after being messed about.

That's how it reads to me.

OP is unreasonable just messing her mate about IMHO and I would think she was rude to have sent the follow up text that she did.

Yarburgh

I have this with my friend a lot. It's a bit of a pain to meet so if she then flaked out and didn't come to lunch I'd just text her the next time I was thinking of meeting up, which could be a few days hence.

You let her down by not sticking to the plan, so it's then up to her whether she wants to agree to the new plan or not. Evidently it was "not"

It's also relevant how old the DD is.

My young DD has trouble enough sitting still for the time it takes to eat lunch. Drinks after would be a step too far and I wouldn't do it

Op: AIBU?

Everyone: yes

OP: no, that's not the answer I want

Ah yes rude elf.
Again it's prob me but I can't see why the friend would assume lunchtime

I must admit, I wouldn't immediately assume lunch either, unless explicitly stated. Many of my friends will meet up only for coffee. Lunch can be quite pricey.

It was all very loosely arranged in the first place, by the sounds of it. Your friend may not have noticed the texts and forgot about you while having a good time with her daughter? Then she could have been embarrassed when she remembered.

This is a situation where every text sent would have been much better as a phonecall.

But following the initial arrangement 'pub lunch' with brother and her dd.

OP 'fine'

So I'm thinking they had eventually arranged a lunch?

Again it's prob me but I can't see why the friend would assume lunchtime

Well OP has left out what time they initially arranged to meet at. It really depends what that time was whetehr friend was reasonable to assume lunch would be involved. Any time between 12-2 i would assume lunch.

This thread makes me laugh. OP leaves out loads of pertinent details eg does she know the brother well? How does the OP feel about the brother and DD being Included? (Change of dynamic and topics for conversation etc) how old is the daughter? what does "she texted me re. Lunch. All fine." actually mean?!? Was there a specific time arranged to meet? Has the friend had to make a special journey to get to the venue or had to Arrange her day to get there? Is the friend's daughter young enough to be disappointed by a change of plans for lunch so the friend thought she would go anyway?

It goes on and on. And everyone is giving an answer based on assumptions. Filling in the gaps. Meanwhile OP has gone missing.

Yes. It's a very mumsnet thread. OP is probably off shopping, or gardening.

Still, I quite like encountering the range of opinions on modern day etiquette.

if i had a text saying you couldnt afford lunch i'd be thinking you was hinting for me to pay and probably would offer but if it was a regular thing i'd be pissed off and wouldn't bother texting you back.
where did you first arrange to meet, you said in your thread that you arranged to meet on tuesday , did that not involve money

YABU and flaky. If I had been your friend I wouldn't have responded to your text either.

No doubt the OP is pissed off with our unanimous replies, has already changed her name, and will never be seen again.