To think DH is putting me in a difficult position?

[RaphaellaTheSpanishWaterDog]

About five years ago my best friend (known all my life) invited us to lunch. At the time we were living on the other side of the country but had family close-ish to her house. While there our other halves got talking - they've known each other about 20 years but are not especially close - and her DH showed mine a childhood collection of items that my DH is a specialist in (dealer). My DH offered to take said items home and research them. We next saw my friend again about a year when the subject wasn't referred to and ditto the following year, but both were family gatherings when we all had other things on our minds. Since then we have moved even further away (4+ hrs drive).

Fast forward to a few weeks back when I received a b/day card with a message asking my DH to call hers - he would like the items back and as they'll be in the area 'soon' we could meet up.

Stupidly assuming DH knew exactly where the items in question were I suggested he dig them out and call friend's DH at which point he looked a trifle sheepish and said he 'thought' they were in the garage. Now, after buying this house in late 2014 we moved a garage-full of stuff from the storage unit we rented when living at our previous house, so our garage is pretty chocka. I offered to help DH search - which took several days - but to no avail. We also went through cupboards in the house - it's a restoration project and we're living in a building site at the mo, so I thought they were just mislaid - again, no joy.

At that point I started to get suspicious of DH - he does have a bit of a tendency to be a little economical with the truth (nothing really bad, just 'white lies' supposedly to protect me/other people from getting hurt......) - and asked him if he'd either sold them intentionally or inadvertently perhaps? He was adamant that he hadn't and started suggesting our (very expensive and otherwise wholly reliable) removers had nicked them. I should point out here that these items are of no intrinsic, only sentimental value and could probably - with some effort - be replaced.

Anyway, he initially said he'd call friend's DH, then went quiet and when reminded a couple of weeks later he'd (conveniently?) forgotten all about it Now several weeks have passed and I'm feeling awful - my friend doesn't have our landline no and we've both changed mobile numbers since we last spoke. We no longer do FB after we were stalked by someone relating to our business and we don't know when their planned trip this way is. I'm worried that my friend and her DH will turn up on our doorstep when we least expect it. Worse still it's her b/day soon and I now feel I can't send her a card without mentioning the subject.

I feel DH has put me into a difficult position that threatens to undermine a lifelong friendship.....what should I do and AIBU?

mathanxiety, sorry I wasn't saying you were questioning her honesty but you replied to a post where I was replying to a post that said the OP couldn't say she was the most honest person because she hadn't seen to the return of these records for five years. I just didn't think that was fair as whatever was going on these men are big enough to sort it out.

Very willing to believe that he has lost them.

But why on earth didn't he simply do the required research on them 5 years ago, report his findings to their owner and either arrange to return them or get the owner's consent to sell and remit the proceeds?

He doesn't sound like a very good dealer to me if he just took them home, dunped them in a corner and forgot about them. It is also rude not to look after someone else's belongings properly.

Why are people telling posters its unreasonable to be suspicious of the DH when the OP stated in her first post they SHE was suspicious of him? It was OP who raised the possibility of him selling them, and of him lying about them. It was OP who said he conveniently keeps "forgetting" to contact the owner of the goods.

I don't see why we should be giving him the benefit of the doubt when the woman he is married to is the one suggesting he's not being very truthful.

Sylvia same here she said she was suspicious but then oh no it's only a loan yeah right

OP, did you or your husband not notice this box of records amongst your possessions when preparing to move? I would have thought that sorting through items for a move would actually organise them better.

I misplace things all the time, but not sure I could 'lose' a whole box of stuff

Lol I love how people jump on the 'OH MY GOD HE MUST BE EVIL!' bandwagon, to be honest, that says more about the person posting than anything else. However, he has fucked up. But don't lose your friendship over some albums! Ring her, get over the embarrassment, if she values your friendship, then the fact you're being honest will bring nothing but positivity in the end. Yes, she MIGHT be pissed off at first, but as someone else rightly said, can't be too much sentimental value if nowts been said in five years. I have some items that are totally monetarily worthless, however, as they mean so much to me, I wouldn't let them leave the room, let alone be taken for any length of time.
Ring your friend, with your husband in the room, it'll be awkward as fuck, but you'll cope, and then pass the phone to your husband, and get him to sort the mess he's caused you, and THEN, tell him if he ever lies to you again, you'll be wearing his nuts for a necklace! ;-)

Hope you get this sorted soon! x Lifes too short for nastiness and losing friends, I lost my best friend in a car accident when she was only 20, so don't let a few bloody albums ruin this. xxx

I didn't intend to post further on here after all the nastiness flying about, but wanted to thank those posters who had been supportive and give an update as well as clearing up a few things......

DH has now called the person in question. They were completely fine about it, not in the least bit bothered and couldn't even remember what some of the items were. Between them they agreed to come up with a list of replacements (where possible the same titles, and where not the next best thing) which DH will source and pay for. Friend's DH said there is no urgency whatsoever and couldn't understand our concern that he'd be angry/upset - he is a very laid back guy. We've arranged to meet up soon regardless of where DH is at with getting the replacements sorted......no hard feelings whatsoever. I was so relieved I cried and DH felt pretty sheepish for upsetting me so badly.

I did say in my opening post that I feared DH had sold them, but whilst I said maybe "intentionally" what I meant was more along the lines of they'd perhaps got slipped in with other stock and DH had momentarily forgotten their origin - after all these were bog standard two-a-penny albums - I know that now from the list DH has from friend's DH. We have thousands of items pass through our hands and during our last move things got especially chaotic. DH is also a complete airhead and needs a secretary (me!) to remind him to do stuff like switch the heating off, let alone business matters. Not that I'm expecting most of you to believe this!

Not that it's anyone's business, but -

a) we do have a landline (and my friend has the no now)

b) we do Twitter and have a blog for business purposes, we plan to return to FB but as a business only.

c) I hate mobiles and don't see the need for both of us to have one, but will no doubt replace the one I recently let DH have in the near future

d) we enjoy restoring rambling old houses, although God only knows why as we rarely make a profit when we sell, but enjoy breathing life back into unloved buildings.

e) our house didn't 'become' unmortgageable during our ownership - we bought it while it was unmortgageable (we didn't need to borrow to buy it and haven't had a mortgage on our last three houses) as it was a ruin that had been partially restored with no kitchen facilities etc

f) in 2012 (I mistakenly thought it was 2011) my friend's DH asked DH to take the records home to research......he did so and found them to be worth very little which he explained to me at the time. I believe (but cannot be 100% certain) he told friend's DH this when they next spoke (FB which we were still doing then). He then stored them in a safe place in the office at our last house. Saw friend on two occasions - first time her DH was present and they discussed the fact the items were financially worth v little, but despite later coming to our house he didn't mention taking them home and TBH the rest of us were all rather tipsy (friend's DH was only one driving, before more accusations fly) so think my DH forgot to offer to return them (plus was rescuing friend from large bush).....second occasion was my dad's funeral. No mention of records as we were all otherwise occupied, grieving. Sometime between Dec 2014 and now they disappeared. Yes, DH should have offered to return them before, especially once it was established they were not going to be sold.....a mistake that has hopefully been learned from.

g) many records are worthless, even albums. DH has to throw many away from collections he purchases. Many people are delusional about what their collections/individual items are worth. Despite what many of you seem to believe, DH is well-respected in his field and has a reputation amongst other dealers/customers for being one of the good guys.

Now can we let this rest please?

OP - if you are unhappy in general with the way this thread turned, and I can understand why you might be, you can always go to your OP and request Mumsnet delete it. The thread may drag on otherwise.

Fair enough, but I think your friends are being very polite.

All's well that ends well.

Although you might want to consider how your husband now feels about your relationship

Glad everything turned out all right, OP

I say this as nicely as I can - you might want to give your OP a quick read again though. It is stuffed with implications that: these items were valuable, you are suspicious (your word) of your DH, he has form for lying to you, he said he'd phone them and hasn't, you are worried, this will damage your friendship, you feel awful . . . it's all there in your OP. And of course, you were worried enough to post about it in the first place. Of course it's great that the items were valueless, the friends don't care about them anyway and your DH has indeed now phoned them. But people are only reacting to your original post which you must admit reads as something rather sinister. Your reaction is a bit like as if someone else wrote the OP for you and exaggerated it out of all proportion, and you are seething with righteous indignation. But you wrote it.

Your reaction is a bit like as if someone else wrote the OP for you and exaggerated it out of all proportion, and you are seething with righteous indignation. But you wrote it

This.

Now can we let this rest please

This is the second time this week I've posted on a thread where the op 'had had enough' of people replying/discussing. Post in AIBU, and you might find that people, y'know, think that someone might have been U.

Anyway. OP's had enough, so all shut up, please.

Thats some major backtracking there OP. Feeling bad about accusing your husband so publicly, I imagine.
"Can we please let it rest" etc....come off it love, you posted it here. All on you.

Despite what many of you seem to believe, DH is well-respected in his field and has a reputation amongst other dealers/customers for being one of the good guys.

FFS. You suggested in your OP that your DP is economical with the truth and could have stolen sold the records. We believed what you told us to believe.

Now can we let this rest please?

Gladly. What a load of fuss about nothing.

Despite what many of you seem to believe, DH is well-respected in his field and has a reputation amongst other dealers/customers for being one of the good guys

Ha, missed that! Just not by his own wife then?

What's hilarious is the OPs original post... And then how easily her DH accuses a removal company of stealing the records! I've worked in the office of a big respected removals firm (Bishops Move) and they don't take kindly to being called "tea leafs". The vast majority of them are very honest and do a hard job for not a very good wage.

I'm so glad everything is completely fine and there are no hard feelings whatsoever and your husband has apologised profusely to you and rang your friends after your sleepless nights...

Meanwhile back in the real world, perhaps you might not want to post about something citing your husband for having form for telling 'white lies' or people may, ummmm, assume your husband is a liar.