To think DH is putting me in a difficult position?

[RaphaellaTheSpanishWaterDog]

About five years ago my best friend (known all my life) invited us to lunch. At the time we were living on the other side of the country but had family close-ish to her house. While there our other halves got talking - they've known each other about 20 years but are not especially close - and her DH showed mine a childhood collection of items that my DH is a specialist in (dealer). My DH offered to take said items home and research them. We next saw my friend again about a year when the subject wasn't referred to and ditto the following year, but both were family gatherings when we all had other things on our minds. Since then we have moved even further away (4+ hrs drive).

Fast forward to a few weeks back when I received a b/day card with a message asking my DH to call hers - he would like the items back and as they'll be in the area 'soon' we could meet up.

Stupidly assuming DH knew exactly where the items in question were I suggested he dig them out and call friend's DH at which point he looked a trifle sheepish and said he 'thought' they were in the garage. Now, after buying this house in late 2014 we moved a garage-full of stuff from the storage unit we rented when living at our previous house, so our garage is pretty chocka. I offered to help DH search - which took several days - but to no avail. We also went through cupboards in the house - it's a restoration project and we're living in a building site at the mo, so I thought they were just mislaid - again, no joy.

At that point I started to get suspicious of DH - he does have a bit of a tendency to be a little economical with the truth (nothing really bad, just 'white lies' supposedly to protect me/other people from getting hurt......) - and asked him if he'd either sold them intentionally or inadvertently perhaps? He was adamant that he hadn't and started suggesting our (very expensive and otherwise wholly reliable) removers had nicked them. I should point out here that these items are of no intrinsic, only sentimental value and could probably - with some effort - be replaced.

Anyway, he initially said he'd call friend's DH, then went quiet and when reminded a couple of weeks later he'd (conveniently?) forgotten all about it Now several weeks have passed and I'm feeling awful - my friend doesn't have our landline no and we've both changed mobile numbers since we last spoke. We no longer do FB after we were stalked by someone relating to our business and we don't know when their planned trip this way is. I'm worried that my friend and her DH will turn up on our doorstep when we least expect it. Worse still it's her b/day soon and I now feel I can't send her a card without mentioning the subject.

I feel DH has put me into a difficult position that threatens to undermine a lifelong friendship.....what should I do and AIBU?

My own dh would be gutted if you sold his vinyl without telling him/sorting a fair price. Vinyl is still valuable especially if in good condition depending on the title/condition/obscurity.
Vinyl exchange in Manchester is awesome: they have some stock on eBay if you want to cross reference. I always thought they gave a fair price.

www.vinylexchange.co.uk/pages/about-us

Five years is a long time to have someone else's collection. £30 might be a fair price for some ransoms in a house sale but not if it was someone's collection with some beauties in.

Your husband needs to ring your friend tomorrow and arrange to transfer the £ plus interest.

randoms

Thanks everyone

It has been a difficult few years, not helped by the fact we were living a long way from both our families when our parents became ill. We had also taken on a huge renovation project (and had just started major building work that initially devalued the house) that we couldn't put back on the market as it had previously failed to sell at auction.

In addition after DH's mum died after a prolonged battle with cancer in 2007 DH suffered a breakdown, during which he attempted suicide, due to pressures in his then high powered job. It was these circs that led us to start our business in 2008. After his suicide attempt I have been mindful not to push him over the edge, but I appreciate a disingenuous person could play on this and manipulate the situation.

The loan I referred to was small (a couple of thousand) taken out via PayPal working capital, so no paperwork or signing anything.

I have spoken to him this evening and explained how deeply upset I am as a result of this. He was extremely apologetic and seemed genuinely hurt that I could disbelieve his explanation. He stands by what he previously said that he has definitely not sold them and has absolutely no idea where they actually are. He also assured me that he will phone my friend/her DH tomorrow (it was too late tonight) to explain what has happened and what he is going to do - replace the items/reimburse them to the tune of £50 or whatever they suggest.

Whilst I'm still very upset - and astonished that some posters could consider me deliberately complicit in this - I can see how the items concerned may have been lost as we do have an absolute ton of stuff (our house move took five days with professional movers) plus we had a large storage unit full of my parents' things from when their house was sold in order for them to go into a nursing home, which we moved ourselves later in a hire van. It was only a year after moving in here that we finally started sorting through the many unopened boxes and then we only scratched the surface. In the interim my mum died and I couldn't face going into the garage where her personal items had been placed. I also know that when we had moved on a previous occasion our (different) removal company lost a box with my sewing paraphernalia that was only missed six months later......so it can happen. It's just that this seems too coincidental. Otoh, we have now realised that some other items - old computer hard drives etc - are also missing.

Over the past five years I think my friend and I have only spoken about half a dozen times. DH reminded me tonight that they were actually at our house in 2013 and he talked to friend's DH about his items but friend's DH never asked for them back at that point and as we then got distracted by my very drunk friend falling into a bush and the need to get her home safely, the subject was forgotten. A couple of phone calls later we next saw her the following year (my dad's funeral) when obviously the items weren't high on anyone's list of conversational topics. Since then I've had a few lovely friendly 'conversations' with her on FB (before the stalking incident) and we've exchanged Christmas and b/day cards as usual without any mention of the items. I'd kind of forgotten about them since my parents' conditions worsened/they died, as I just had too much on my mind. Like I said we're not phone every minute people - DH has siblings that he probably only speaks to once a year - and we don't have a large circle of friends since moving away from our home town a few years back. Sad as it sounds, we prefer the company of our dogs and each other

Although ransoms might be appropriate for holding poor records hostage for five years

OP glad he's done that
My drunk friends barely even notice when they fall into bushes, lucky for them I'm sober

Potato I don't recall saying we can't contact them. What I said was we moved house, our buyers kept our landline no and I had no mobile then. They have my DH's old mobile no which is now obsolete. He has taken over the mob I only recently got. So they gave no phone number for us. We have their home no and her mob no.

If you knew me irl you would know that you're unlikely to find a more honest person. I struggle to keep secrets about gifts I've bought people! That's why I've not slept properly for the past few weeks as I feel so terrible about my poor friend and her DH. I genuinely had forgotten all about these items as I had two extremely sick parents with Dementia to cope with, a condition I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Yes, my DH might be disrespectful but he also helped me tremendously when I was struggling to cope with my parents' illness, even changing my dad's nappy when he had to rush him to hospital after a bad fall as the nursing home were too short-staffed. I don't think I could have done that!

All of the people saying "he's sold them" didn't you read the "no intrinsic value" bit?

He's lost them

You have been through a lot 💐 I'm really pleased your DH didn't succeed in his attempt.

Perhaps before your DH phones her DH, you should speak to her. Explain the situation, tell her that you hope they turn up, but either way, woukd like to try to make it up to her DH. Given they are of sentimental, rather than financial, value to him, I doubt there's much you can do though tbh. If it were me, I wouldn't want you to go to the bother of replacing them, because they wouldn't be my albums, the ones I bought, touched, used...I'd just hope they turned up eventually. Mine...not some gathered by your DH.

Given how little interest he's shown in them in 5 years, I'd try not to get too stressed about it 💐

What Maryz says to do, just above.

Honestly, OP, every time I've moved, something has got lost, often for no apparent reason whatsoever - and I often haven't realised until well down the line: it's entirely possible that that box of records is one of the missing boxes from your last move. And as for all those claiming OP's DP has sold them for a fortune- honestly most vinyl that people have hanging around (as opposed that owned by vinyl buffs/collectors -who are people, anyway, who tend to have some specialist knowledge of the things they own, so wouldn't need input, but I digress - which, as the collection comprised 20 records, is very unlikely to be the case) is essentially worthless in monetary terms. Check out your local car boot sale/music magpie/charity shop to see just how worthless.

(My specialist area is old books. People often refuse to believe that books 150+ years old can be completely without monetary value: however, this is often more common than not.)

In addition - if they were really concerned/desperate for them back, they would surely have asked before 5 years passed? Doesn't make it OK at all that they've had to chase, or, indeed, that they have been lost - but this is a pretty full on thread, accusing OP's DH of theft and fraud, and drawing all sorts of nasty inferences from the FB issue. Sometimes an accident is just an accident.

OP - sorry you and your DH have been through such a rough time in the last few years: remind your DH to ring them tomorrow, to have a grovel, and to arrange (generous) reimbursement - it's a fuck up, but at the end of the day, shit happens, and friends know and appreciate that more than strangers on the internet.

Cheers guys I'm feeling relieved now that I've at least got this out into the open, off my chest etc - although I still can't sleep for worrying about it - and really do appreciate your words of support! I'm going to ensure it's dealt with without fail tomorrow (today!) and hopefully my friend and her DH will understand and not be too judgmental

Why are the two of you living in what is actually a series of construction sites for so many years?

What might have been on the hard drives that got lost?

It's completely possible that they did get genuinely lost in the move - it's just a shame that he has form for lying, because otherwise there would be no doubt.

Good luck with the phone call today. I hope he makes it.

I don't understand why everyone assumes that he sold them, especially when they were clearly not high value items (if they had been, I'm sure the original owners would have wanted them returned a lot sooner than now - it's pretty easy for them to research item values online).

With all the stress you were both under, I can see how something could have been misplaced during a move. I have an absent-minded DH and things go missing around here all the time (they usually show up weeks/months later, when I no longer need said item!)

OP, I hope your DH contacts your friend asap and sorts it out. If he's honest with them and offers to compensate them for the loss, hopefully your friendship can continue as before. Good luck!

He took out a loan he told the OP nothing about. Maybe he needed any cash he could lay his hands on? A small business loan could have been spent on anything.

I would be wondering about a gambling problem or business debts the OP doesn't know about and probably won't as the old hard drives have apparently also disappeared. It's really easy to let money run through your fingers when rehabbing -- not all of it needs to necessarily go to contractors, plumbers, electricians, etc. When money seems to be missing from an account you can say the plumber spent £50 for some special pipes or U-bends or whatever, and so you 'reimbursed him in cash'.

It's also easy to hide other stuff that's going on when you are living in one construction site after another for ten years, just because the spouse is stressed and distracted.

Surely a normal person would say 'shit I've lost them' and set about eBay or whatever and replace them? Not shrug his shoulders and blame someone else

OP your husband has indeed dropped you in a tough spot. I'd get in touch immediately and issue a full apology.

I'd be harbouring ill-ease until my husband came clean with the truth if I were in your shoes.

Yes come clean with a huge 'I'm so sorry, I feel terrible, but we think they've been lost in the move as we've looked everywhere, please could you take the time to give me a list and I'll source them all and send them back to you asap'.

Personally I think you have left it too late to stop your friend thinking you have behaved shoddily. And you can't control whether they think you've mislaid or stolen them and you/your h now sound shady and dishonest. But better now than never! Just do it, today.

Your husband sounds shady he took things to sell get them valued kept them for 5 bloody years your friends need to be told he has also changed details hid from social media also tells "white lies" to protect people which to me means he is just lying to protect him self

I genuinely believe the box has just been lost but he needs to replace the contents, should be very easy on eBay. And OP, me and my partner are like you two, prefer our own company! We have people we class as best friends who we go years and years without seeing.

I can completely understand how a box could get lost in the chaos of moving/renovations. I think it's unlikely they've been sold.

Surely if you leave records in a garage there is a risk of them getting warped from damp and becoming unplayable? Seems an irresponsible place to even think of leaving them.

I can't understand how a box of records can get lost 🙄
Something in a matchbox maybe. But a box of records? Yeah right. He's sold them. What a shit.