Would we be unreasonable to take DCs out of school for a day for grandparents wedding anniversary?

[iwouldgoouttonight]

Grandparents are having a party for their golden wedding on a Saturday. They live about three hours drive away. They've asked if we can help them get things ready on the Friday, which would mean the DCS (9 and 7) taking a day off school.

They've already had one unauthorised day off for another reason in this academic year, and DS has missed a couple of hours here and there for hospital appointments.

Would you take them out on the Friday to go down to the grandparents?

that1950s 1 day this academic year hardly counts as MANY. And I wasn't looking for a (sarcastic) WELL DONE.
OP I maintain that if you want to go on the Friday you should!

For us that's been climbing a mountain, travelling to the places they've been studying as part of the curriculum, swimming trips and seeing a parent run a marathon. You did all this in one day BlueEyed? Gosh. That must have been quite a day!

All the things you mention sound lovely - and entirely doable within the school holidays.

I think you demonstrate perfectly why the fines had to be brought in. Some parents seem to have a very casual attitude to school attendance.

OP, stick with your gut instinct. Resist pressure from in-laws to help with the setting up and travel to the party after school on the Friday.

I'm sure that some of you reckoning a day off is so unimportant would be complaining if your children's teachers took odd days of unpaid leave to help set up family parties.

I work closely with our EWO and it's easy enough to identify children whose pattern of attendance is problematic because of "odd days" here and there. We have a child who has only done four full weeks since September. The parent was horrified when they found out as they just thought it was a few days here and there.

It's hardly 'exciting' to be there whilst a few adults faff about in a church hall, have to say my DCs would have been bored stiff. On the day (Saturday) fine, but unless the party is during the day (which I don't think it is) it will probably not be exciting or educational to be there for two days.

Schooling has obviously changed since mine were young, honestly, no one I knew at school would have taken a day off for this sort of reason.

The fact of the matter is that you just can't win. If you send them in snotty you're wrong. If you keep them off you're wrong. The ladt week of term is often wall to wall, concert, play afternoon, video afternoon, etc, and I'm not sure of the educational benefit of most of that.

I once had a letter from the EWO about my dd's unauthorised afternoon of absence. She was 12. She evidently was not at school during an afternoon. She was actually but there was a register error. If my daughter supposedly went "missing" after lunch I'd have liked to know that afternoon. Not via an ill written, very rude and dictatorial letter three weeks' later.

Wow, I was busy yesterday and had no idea so many people had replied! Is it one of controversial topics like P&C parking spaces?

DP and I have discussed it and he's keen to take them out of school at lunchtime but I'd rather wait til the end of the day (or just miss golden time). We'll see if MIL can give us any more idea about what she wants us for. They can't get into the hall until Saturday morning so I'd imagine it's getting food ready at home, which we won't all be able to do at once. BIL and MIL are both great cooks and I'm not so I imagine they'll do most of that anyway. FIL is quite frail so I doubt he'd be able to do too much so I guess MIL partly wants us there as moral support.

DP going down on public transport would take six hours and be really expensive so that's not an option.

Our school only fines for over four days in a row off so we won't have to pay a fine, and the DCs aren't behind in their school work so it won't be a problem them missing a day. But it's more the principle, like PP have said, it seems a very weak reason to miss school.

Anyway thanks for all your replies. It's reassured me that I'm not being unreasonable in not wanting to take them out of school.

1950s All the things I mention have been done over 8 years of schooling!! As I said. Not more than 1-2 days per academic year.
Good point washed. I never allow my children a day off for being tired or under the weather.
Fascinating thread highlighting how differently we all interpret things.

I'd send dh
He can take leave
He can go on train and get his brother or dad to collect him from the station
He'll be able to help a lot more without a 7 and 9 year old in the way
It's his parents after all

I can't quite get my head around someone needed "moral support" to prepare for a party.

beaufort in the situation you describe I would have been grateful to know the school notified me that my child wasn't in school but had a (polite) conversation with them about having an electronic system. I was always pleased to know the school knew where my children were and understanding if sometimes they made a mistake. I'm assuming this happened some time ago as most schools now operate a more immediate response system.

And I expect you'd have felt even more aggrieved than you clearly were had the mistake been reversed - that they'd marked her in but she was actually down the town with her mates

I don't think you get the point suburban. She was IN school. If she hadn't been I'd have expected to be notified on the day - not three weeks later. She wasn't isn't the sort of girl to bunk off and it would have been extremely serious if she had actually not registered/been missing.

As schools do sometimes (ver often at dd's old school) make mistakes I'd have thought the letter could have been a little more polite, including words like please and thank you. After all, as you work in a school I imagine you agree that school staff should set a good example in relation to good manners. It helps if schools help to underpin the high standards and expectations at home I find.

I would never send a discourteous letter to a school and I don't expect to receive one either. Especially when the information it contains is wrong.

Yes I do get the point. They made a mistake. But they had a system in place for informing parents when they believed the child was absent and they informed you. As I said, I get the impression this was some time ago because nowadays most registers are electronic and the notification is automatic. Of course mistakes are made - my DS was marked absent one morning and both DH and I got a text - turns out he was doing his prefect duty. But I'd rather be mistakenly informed and be able to phone the school to check than find out he was marked in but didn't make it to school.

I agree that communication between school and parents needs to be polite. I presume you took this up with the school.

You don't seem to be getting the point that there was no point infirming me of an absence three weeks after the event. Yes. It was in 2011. We removed her two terms later due to a catalogue of errors.

Having read your last post, OP, I'm even more persuaded that I wouldn't do it. As I had imagined if it were my own family, this has the potential to be a shit afternoon for you, to be spent keeping your bored children out of busy people's way, when they could have been at school and you could have saved a day's random unauthorised absence for something worthwhile.

It sounds like your MIL wants some family time before the big event, understandable but not practical. She should have held the party on the Sunday, or organised a family lunch or something else for the day after.

It sounds like just missing golden time will be the best compromise though, if your DH is that determined to go early.

Oh ok, in your previous post you said what I didn't get was that she was in but marked out (which I did get). And now you're saying what I don't get is that the letter arrived three weeks late. Both of which points I addressed in my replies.

And as I said in my first post, systems now are electronic so you would get an instant notification from the majority of secondary schools. So with respect, the situation you experienced would be unlikely to happen now.

OP, what does your DH intend to tell the school when he phones to let them know he's taking the DC out early?

I think your dilemma here is not about taking your child out of school in light of new law but the fact that the grandparents want you to, but you are not sure if the circumstances necessitate it.

If it was necessary to attend the party you seem to say you would feel differently, but the vague 'help' requirement from the grandparents, especially when there's someone else already there to help, is not so clear cut.

I have no moral objection to taking children out of school for things, but in this scenario I think I also would probably think 'hang on, why are we going down early exactly?'

If it were me I think best compromise is to leave after afternoon register. You are still leaving early to help, but you won't feel resentful that you have taken unauthorised leave when you didn't especially want to.

You also really want to avoid a 'resentful' scenario where, against your better judgement you take them out, then get there to find it wasn't actually necessary. You'd seethe all weekend instead of enjoying party!

I think you're right ovenchips.

However there still remains the dilemma about what the OP's DH will tell the school is the reason for leaving straight after afternoon register. And bear in mind that if they know your DC are being picked up, they may well get them to pick up their things and go straight to the school office to wait for their parents. They may well choose not to send them back into class for register and get settled for the afternoon session. This would be especially true if either of them has PE on a Friday afternoon.

Personally I wouldn't take them out of school for the whole day, but could you advise the school that they have an appointment in the afternoon and will need to leave school at 2pm(ish). That leaves plenty of time to get to your inlaws early enough to be of help

iwouldgoouttonight you write to the school, on their absence request form, that the 1 day is not a holiday, but an important family occasion. It is their gp' s golden wedding anniversary, a special day where family values & the religious significance of marriage are celebrated. You are taking them out for an authorized special circumstance, not a holiday.

But the party isn't on the Friday. frances.

So the OP would be asking the school to authorise an afternoon's absence from school to watch their parents making food for the party the next day (there would be no setting up at the hall as the OP said it wasn't free until the Saturday).

I can't speak for other schools but no way would that be authorised in our school.

And what makes you think the family is religious?

But FrancesNiadova the important family occasion is not in a school day.

If OP fills in the firm honestly she'll be asking for an authorised absense to put up banners and hang about in a village hall the day before the grandparents' golden anniversary!