Would we be unreasonable to take DCs out of school for a day for grandparents wedding anniversary?

[iwouldgoouttonight]

Grandparents are having a party for their golden wedding on a Saturday. They live about three hours drive away. They've asked if we can help them get things ready on the Friday, which would mean the DCS (9 and 7) taking a day off school.

They've already had one unauthorised day off for another reason in this academic year, and DS has missed a couple of hours here and there for hospital appointments.

Would you take them out on the Friday to go down to the grandparents?

Sorry, pressed too soon. Your mil is being ridiculous U to ask.

You can't take them out to school to help get ready for a party. I'm shocked the grandparents even suggested it.

Another vote for leaving after afternoon registration.

How much have your IL's got to do? How many are coming?

It doesn't sound like you want to take them off early so no I wouldn't, I'd save my unauthorised day favours for when I truly wanted them. Had the party itself been on Friday or the request more specific, my answer would've been different though.

Go after school on Friday, does school finish at 3pm? Unless they've booked the hall for 2 days you won't be able to decorate until the Saturday and presumably they aren't making all the food themselves. School is important, your children are committed to being at school in the same way you are committed to a job. Responsible people honour their commitments by getting to school/work in good home & being there.

There's usually 4 of us setting up events in our local hall and it's quite quick (an hour or two). We all know how things work though - the lights/heating, the urn, how the tables unfold/lock, where the cleaning products are, how the tables are best laid out. Then chairs go round tables, clothes and flowers on tables, mugs on trays, sugar, forks and so on. It's very physical work. Are your IL's elderly?

Realistically how much help does your MIL think you will be with two children to care for?

"Save yourself some hassle and phone them in sick"

No, don't do this. Personally, I wouldn't take them out of school. How much help do they actually need that has to be done on Friday? If they are being vague it sounds like there isn't a lot to do. If it is catering can you make some dishes at home and transport them down on Friday afternoon?

It is the Easter holidays in most areas so the Friday afternoon traffic is likely to be less busy.

Unreasonable request from MIL. They can't miss school for that! Leave after school.

Hire another car and go separately.

I would only do it if the party was on the Friday, I don't take mine out of school unless it's completely unavoidable.

Then do what you can in the evening and get up early on Saturday to crack on. Or one of you go up Friday morning by public transport.

I wouldn't. You don't need to take them out for them to be able to attend the party. There's no way it would be authorised. Definitely don't lie and say they're sick. You MIL just needs to understand that school comes first.

Like others, I can't see why this is needed. You can be there Friday evening if you leave straight after school and you've got all day Sat - the kids can have a TV day while you prepare. It's an unreasonable request. I also suspect there's a bit of sexism at work in that BIL is a man and not expected to help in the same way.

I'd send them In to school on Friday but pick them up early. Not much happens on a Friday afternoon anyway! In dd's school they just have golden time where they play with toys.
Golden wedding anniversary is much more important.

I'd take them out mid/late afternoon on the Friday, but no earlier if they've already had a fair bit of time off.

The thing is, taking them out of school for things like ''going to help prepare for a party the grandparents are having'' is chipping into the amount of time it's reasonable to expect a child to have off school. For things like, as you say yourself, illness and hospital appts.

Well if bil has done all the work all week surely you could go a day early to help ?

Even if it's an elaborate set-up like 80smum describes, they've got three people there the day before. If they need help with lifting tables etc if the PILs aren't fie enough for that then surely they can rope in someone locally to help out.

If they would miss the party I would have no hesitation in saying take the day off because that benefits your children, but taking the Friday off is just to save PILs a bit of stress.

It might set an unhelpful precident for the future if they think you can take the children out of school just to 'help out'.

Bizarre. Why didn't they just have it on the Sunday??
Bit of a tall order.
One option would be that you say you will help but BIL/parent will have to pick you up from the nearest railway station at X time. Your OH and children could then drive down the next day.
I would not take the children out of school. Presumably there are other friends who could help too, not just BIL. If your mother/MIL is anything like my mother, all men are excused from this type of preparation. My brothers do nothing and nothing is expected of them. If she is like minded, she is unlikely to have even factored in BIL. Can you speak to BIL?

Go straight after school.
I wouldn't take my DC out of school to 'get a buffet ready'.
Stick to your guns and tell MIL that it's not possible.

This is not even remotely a good reason for kids missing school and your MIL is being very unreasonable to ask.

Leaving half an hour before official end of school to miss the traffic would be OK.

If a presence is genuinely required on Friday you could look into hiring a car for the weekend so that you can travel separately but I expect there is no justifiable need for this.

No, totally unreasonable. BIL is there already. You can collect at 3, have all evening and morning to prepare. Stick to your guns on this.

Also by taking them out of school, it sets a precedent that this is acceptable, next time you go there for a weekend you may be pressured to making it into a long weekend.