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Original poster

Would we be unreasonable to take DCs out of school for a day for grandparents wedding anniversary?

197 replies

iwouldgoouttonight · 28/03/2016 19:27

Grandparents are having a party for their golden wedding on a Saturday. They live about three hours drive away. They've asked if we can help them get things ready on the Friday, which would mean the DCS (9 and 7) taking a day off school.

They've already had one unauthorised day off for another reason in this academic year, and DS has missed a couple of hours here and there for hospital appointments.

Would you take them out on the Friday to go down to the grandparents?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 29/03/2016 08:34

No I wouldn't, how much help are you really going to be able to offer with two young children there anyway? Surely you can offer to do some cooking at home and take it with you - I've organised plenty of village hall type functions and honestly it is a lot easier to do it yourself without lots of 'helpers'. Hmm

And it's absolutely not the right reason for taking a day off school - totally unreasonable of your ILs to ask. If they needed so much help they should have thought about it and had the party on a Sunday so people would be able to help on the Saturday.

MrsJayy · 29/03/2016 08:36

Just take them out you are travelling to a family party its not a huge deal and it doesnt happen often.

TendonQueen · 29/03/2016 09:03

It's only three hours away. It's not as if they're travelling to Papua New Guinea.

TendonQueen · 29/03/2016 09:07

And they've got all day Saturday to help.

ApocalypseNowt · 29/03/2016 09:15

I'm surprised at how many people would let their dc miss school for this. I totally get that a golden wedding anniversary is a big deal but the setting up of it isn't! Especially when they've got BIL there to help and you can be there friday evening so can help all day saturday?

Get everything packed up and go straight after school on friday.

DameXanaduBramble · 29/03/2016 09:17

I absolutely would, no doubt at all.

KP86 · 29/03/2016 09:19

1 day off? Do it! As PP said, the obsession with attendance is insane.

Are you/DH missing work that day as well? May as well make the most of the day.

MrsJayy · 29/03/2016 09:24

I have no school children now but when i did they had the odd day off for things in 12 years of school cant say dds have taken days off willy nilly at work or college imo somethings on occassion take priority over school

Roussette · 29/03/2016 09:27

My DCs are older now but I would not have dreampt of doing this. When mine were at school there were no fines for absence, maybe it's because parents didn't keep their DCs off so much?

A day off school for decorating a hall for a party is not a valid reason for letting them bunk off school. No way. Go after school if you have to go, if not why can't it be done Saturday? Surely it will only take an hour. Really don't agree with pretending they are both sick either. Am amazed at the number of pp's who think it's OK just to pull them out of school for this.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 29/03/2016 09:27

Children have a right to an education. This 'obsession with attendance' is to protect that right against adults (such as the mil) who would put their selfish wishes ahead of that right.

An occasional day for something really important, fine. Setting up a hall however really isn't important at all.

BeaufortBelle · 29/03/2016 09:27

No but it's clearly important to them so there needs to be a compromise. Your DH needs to hire a car and drive down early on the Friday morning or take the train with BIL collecting him from the nearest mainline station. You then drive down (or up) with the DC straight after school.

Inertia · 29/03/2016 09:39

I don't think it's reasonable of your inlaws to demand you all take a day off for this to be honest- to attend the actual party would be a different story, but I don't understand why you and your family specifically need to be the people setting up the tables and bunting.

If the school are likely to fine you , you'd probably be better off just paying caterers/ a handyman local to your ILs the £240.

If you do want to compromise, I think the most reasonable way to approach it with the school would be to do what others have suggested- tell school that you will be picking the children up early to travel cross-country for a significant family event with their elderly grandparents, and collect them at 1.30pm once they've got their register mark. You'll then have Friday evening and Saturday to help set up.

Muskateersmummy · 29/03/2016 09:43

I don't think the added expense of hiring a car is a reasonable compromise. I personally wouldn't be prepared to do this. I think travelling down after school is more than a fair compromise. You'll be there by 7 at the latest, plenty of time to help with decoration making before bedtime, the vh will probably only be hired for the Saturday so the shifting of tables and chairs and decorating will be done sat am, which you will be there to assist with.

Roussette · 29/03/2016 09:52

How old are the GP's?

AlisonWunderland · 29/03/2016 09:54

Unless MIL and FIL can tell you exactly what needs to be done on Friday that can't be done on Saturday, no don't take them out of school

StitchesInTime · 29/03/2016 09:56

I wouldn't consider taking my DC out of school for this unless PILs could come up with a good reason why it was essential for us to be there on Friday.

I'd go straight after school so as to be available all day Saturday for helping set up.

Alternatively I'd look a bit more closely at transport options - e.g. would it be possible for you / DH to take public transport part of the way and get BIL / PILs to pick you up?

alltouchedout · 29/03/2016 10:04

I'd ask the PILs if they'll be paying the fine if we get fined for failing to send our children to school.
I see why it's tempting. Last month my mum was 60, there was a big family weekend away (a particularly big deal in my mum's family given that they have spent the last 30 years feuding), we had to hire the accommodation for three nights but had to be back for school on the Monday so could only stay two nights. There was a lot of pressure on us to just skip a school day, so I do know how you feel. And personally I don't think the odd day off is a huge deal at all. But we didn't do it, we stuck to the requirements of the school and system our dcs are a part of (and we didn't have to pay a fine!).

m0therofdragons · 29/03/2016 10:04

I wouldn't, I'd drive up after school so you'd have the evening to help. But then my parents would never ask me to take dc out of school.

BlueEyedWonder · 29/03/2016 11:17

Do it.
Agree that the obsession with attendance is insane. 1 day off school is not damaging to a child's education. You can ask for the missed work to catch up on at home.
Each year my DC miss 1 or 2 days for special family occasions and family trips. There are things that are not learned in the classroom.

BoboChic · 29/03/2016 11:19

I think you need to explain to your parents that the rules are much tighter than they were in the past and that you cannot take DC out of school for the reason they are suggesting.

GlitteryFluff · 29/03/2016 11:27

I would take them out of school if the party was that day, but not to help prep for the party that's the following day.

Maybe a compromise as pp's have said by leaving after afternoon registration.

Can you clarify with them what help they need you for? Sometimes people panic there's not enough time and too much to do so try and get all the help they can but then actually have too much help and nothing to do til a few hours before guests arrive. Ie you can't blow up latex balloons the day before, they need to be done on the day, so you can't help do that the day before.

Is there set times of when they are allowed to be in the hall? Maybe they have to be out by X time so if you go up in the afternoon it might be you can't get into the hall, and that's why they want you there for the morning?

Is there anything that can be done in advance but at their house? Ie cooking etc.

AnnPerkins · 29/03/2016 11:29

I wouldn't for two reasons.

Firstly, I'm picturing this situation in my own family. I can see me spending an afternoon doing nothing particularly useful, apart from trying to keep a bored 7 year old from under everyone else's feet. If that happened I would be extremely pissed off at DS missing school and spoiling his attendance record for no good reason.

Secondly, DS loves school but has started showing the odd bit of unwillingness to go, when he's feeling lazy and would prefer to stay at home and play with his Lego. If I let him have a day off school so he could hang around bored in a village hall trying to stay out of people's way how could I honestly argue in future that he needed a very good reason not to go to school?

I wouldn't even take him out early. I'd leave straight after school finished. At least we would be there first thing in the morning to do whatever MIL needed doing.

EatShitDerek · 29/03/2016 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaurnieBred · 29/03/2016 11:32

Definitely take them out after 1.30 pm - we have done this a few times with DD. At DD's school they don't do a huge amount on a Friday - maybe a bit of topic and then Golden Time for the last hour.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/03/2016 11:35

I would send children in but pick up at 2 or after first lesson after lunch had finished

You slightly then beat the rush hour traffic and should be there by 5/6

Find out what needs to be done - whether food cooking - ballon pumping - tables etc

Assume party isn't till sat pm so could do lots fri Eve and have lie in sat am if up late or get up early sat and help

I wouldn't take the whole day off school for setting a party up. Diff if party was on a Friday

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