Would we be unreasonable to take DCs out of school for a day for grandparents wedding anniversary?

[iwouldgoouttonight]

Grandparents are having a party for their golden wedding on a Saturday. They live about three hours drive away. They've asked if we can help them get things ready on the Friday, which would mean the DCS (9 and 7) taking a day off school.

They've already had one unauthorised day off for another reason in this academic year, and DS has missed a couple of hours here and there for hospital appointments.

Would you take them out on the Friday to go down to the grandparents?

I wouldn't for that, no. But only because I take mine out for a term time holiday each year, which is enough really and I don't want to add to their time off unnecessarily. Even with the holiday dd's attendance usually comes in under the cut off point for required attendance and I prefer to keep it that way.

It's hardly educational to have two bored kids chasing round after balloons in a village hall whilst their parents stick bunting and banners up.

Agree that it gives the wrong message to the kids more than anything.

Be prepared for your kids to expect the day off before their birthday party if they have the day off before this! I would go after school and think it's unfair that they asked.

Given that there have been hospital appointments and an unauthorised absence already, I wouldn't. There is still three months of the school year left and who knows what really important things could come up in that time. Contact your BIL and ask what really is left to do,, your MIL's vagueness for such a big ask suggest that you probably wouldn't share her sense of urgency.

I wouldn't.
Could you offer to make sandwiches/cakes at home to take with you? You'll be there by 7pm so can finish helping prepare in the early evening.
Promise BIL that if he helps with the preparation you & DH will helping with the clearing up.

They probably wouldn't be bored though would they? They would be helping the adults

It's one day!!! It will not mess up their education .
I often used to take mine out for odd days.
They turned out fine . Trouble with school holidays you have to have days off when school says. Most jobs you can pick when you take holidays.
Make granny's day she won't be around for ever life us too short.

Im in the go camp.

Trouble with school holidays you have to have days off when school says

Yeah - how bloody unreasonable is that, eh?

No one is saying that one day will mess up their education.

But lots of single days , which were all for " good reasons " ( helping granny set out chairs for a party , being a bit tired after a late night, having a cold or a sore tummy , ) soon add up. Then a genuine " good reason " comes along - your sister is getting married on a Friday in term time - and you have used up your sympathy / unauthorised absences at the school .

Or your child has a run of genuine illnesses and the school come down hard and ask for medical notes because you have a history .

It's a bit like asking your friends to do emergency childcare for you - most people save this for genuine emergencies . Otherwise your friends find out that you are taking the piss and refuse to help you. And you get a rep for being a PIA.

OP, go or dont go early. If you dont want to go early then you can use school attendance as your excuse. Just be aware that if you call this wrong, dont go and find that you have let your MiL down big time then this wont be something you can easily come back from.

Way to guilt-trip the OP gnome. It's a totally unreasonable request from the PIL. And as long as they make it clear that taking the DC out of school has implications, but they are prepared to help however they can short of taking the kids out of school for the day - no reasonable person would hold a grudge over that. If they are liable to hold a grudge then they're just naturally unreasonable people who are as likely to get the hump about whether the crusts were cut off the finger sandwiches.

gnome are you the MIL?

Plateofcrumbs it isnt guilt-tripping it is simply giving a different perspective. Many of the posts on this thread appear to see the achievement a golden wedding anniversary as of no consequence when compared with one day of primary school education.

At the very youngest MiL is 66. Most likely she is in her 70s or older, organising a significant family party.

• perhaps the hall isnt available for set up into the Friday evening
• perhaps the MiL is worried that she wont be able to get it all set up in time if left until Saturday morning
• perhaps the MiL is wanting to get closer family together before the formal party
• perhaps the MiL is attention seeking
• perhaps the MiL is feeling a bit nervous and would like some support

We dont know.

That1950sMum no, I'm not.

Many of the posts on this thread appear to see the achievement a golden wedding anniversary as of no consequence when compared with one day of primary school

Here you are spectacularly missing the point again, gnome.

They wouldn't be missing the party. They'd be missing out on the preparations for the party. They could go to school on the Friday as planned and still go to the party the next day. What don't you get about that?

None of those reasons are good reasons for missing a day of school. If the hall needs to be done in the afternoon or the MIL doesn't want to wait till Sat, or just needs moral support then the OP's DH can travel on his own earlier in the day. If she wants closer family there early, she will get them at 6.30 the night before the party, plus presumably overnight and Sunday morning. No need to miss school at all.

I understand perfectly well SuburbanRhonda, I too managed to read the thread. Just because I dont agree doesnt mean I dont understand. If you had read my previous post you would see that I had listed out a number of reasons why the MiL might have asked for help.

Of course the OP can turn up in time for the party and skip helping out if that is what she wants to do.

The kids are small:) OP isn't taking a kid at 11 due to do GCSE's out is she.. Relax, breathe and see it as little importance compared to a huge milestone party!

Actually, three hours travelling is tiring, even for passengers so I suggest take the Friday off, set up at leisure, have a great party on Saturday and do what is right for your family. People on here can be very black and white about things.

It wasn't about you not agreeing, gnome.

It was about the fact that you thought the children would miss the party if they went to school on Friday, whereas all they would be missing is the "setting up".

these are all perhaps and unless OP gets anymore idea what needs doing I personally would not be doing it..

I would not miss a days school for my DS to get there and find out there is nothing for me to do. or something that could easily be done Saturday morning..

No one is saying party isn't important.. No one is saying family isn't important ... just a debate about what time it is going to actually matter...

No one or OP ( unless she knows more) has enough information that suggests lots needs doing..

I am with you gnome . What will the children remember in years to come another day at school or having an exciting time setting up a party. I get the impression the op doesn't want to go so like you pointed out she has got her excuse.
I would imagine the motherinlaw as she is probably over 70 wants moral support as much as anything.

having an exciting time setting up a party

That really made me laugh.

This is the kind of reason fines were bought in, didn't especially agree with the policy but what great evidence for showing how parents take out DC too willingly.