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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would we be unreasonable to take DCs out of school for a day for grandparents wedding anniversary?

197 replies

iwouldgoouttonight · 28/03/2016 19:27

Grandparents are having a party for their golden wedding on a Saturday. They live about three hours drive away. They've asked if we can help them get things ready on the Friday, which would mean the DCS (9 and 7) taking a day off school.

They've already had one unauthorised day off for another reason in this academic year, and DS has missed a couple of hours here and there for hospital appointments.

Would you take them out on the Friday to go down to the grandparents?

OP posts:
Stillunexpected · 28/03/2016 20:54

I wouldn't. Take them out a bit early in the afternoon and go down then. Unless PILs are planning a massive party surely if they have BIL helping all week and can't even tell you what specifically they want you to do, then it really isn't necessary to go down a day early?

Janeymoo50 · 28/03/2016 20:54

Compromise, pick them up earlier - after lunch and go then.

Plateofcrumbs · 28/03/2016 20:56

I think it is ridiculous for two children to miss a day of school because of some vague request to help set up for a party the following day. Presumably you'll be available in the evening and on the morning of the party to help with preparation and you can offer to help with anything that you could prep from home (sandwiches or whatever).

Unless they can summon up a very specific answer to why you are essential to Friday prep I wouldn't dream of taking the kids out.

Original poster
iwouldgoouttonight · 28/03/2016 20:57

I wouldn't phone in sick, I'm not going to ask the DCs to lie when they're back at school on the monday and their teacher asks how they are.

Good idea about leaving early afternoon, they won't miss too much and we'll miss the worst of the traffic.

OP posts:
Audreyhelp · 28/03/2016 20:58

Just take them out of school , or would you rather not help?

PotteringAlong · 28/03/2016 21:00

Definitely not; especially when there's no reason for it.

museumum · 28/03/2016 21:01

I wouldn't.
When does school finish? 3:30? You'll be there before 7 to help set up.

Leeds2 · 28/03/2016 21:02

I wouldn't. Particularly as PIL will have had BIL to help all week. There can't surely be that much more that needs doing that can't be done on Friday evening?Saturday before the party.

Original poster
iwouldgoouttonight · 28/03/2016 21:03

Plateofcrumbs they were exactly my thoughts. But then I thought maybe I was being unreasonable which is why I asked on here. I still personally don't see what preparation will be needed all day on Friday especially after BIL has been there all week, it's just going to be a buffet in a village hall as far as I know. Confused

But I'm trying to be nice as it's obviously very important to PIL. Grin

OP posts:
mellicauli · 28/03/2016 21:15

Hmm..I might make real but strategically placed dental appointments for 2pm then go straight afterwards..

shazzarooney99 · 28/03/2016 21:19

Could you not pick the children up from school on the Friday night then drive straight there to help out? surely you have most of the morning on the saturday to help out as well anyway???

Muskateersmummy · 28/03/2016 21:20

I particularly wouldn't as you say it's the second time this year. It's not like you're going to miss the party. Explain to mil that you can't take them out of school. It's an unrealistic expectation from them that you should imo.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 28/03/2016 21:24

Don't phone them in sick, no point lying.

How reasonable are the school about things? If they're willing to authorize it (schools do have some abilities to still allow in special circumstances) then take the day off, and travel up. If not, I'd tell MIL that sadly you'll be unable to help.

I would if you can get the time off, but wouldn't stress too much about it if you can't.

Also, unless the party starts at 9am on the Saturday morning, I don't understand why you couldn't help then?

Sootica · 28/03/2016 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xmasbaby11 · 28/03/2016 21:36

I wouldn't. I'd go straight from school on Fri eve. 3 hours is not such a long journey and you'll have plenty of time to help prep.

Her request is a bit bizarre tbh!

GnomeDePlume · 28/03/2016 21:58

I would go. Golden Wedding anniversary is a big thing. IMO every bit as big a thing as a wedding (a wedding is just a promise, this anniversary shows that promise has been kept).

It is quite possible that your MiL is feeling a bit nervous and overwhelmed by the preparations and would like a bit of hand holding.

Best wishes to your PiL and I hope you all have a great party.

RockUnit · 28/03/2016 22:14

No, go after school.

witsender · 28/03/2016 22:16

I would for sure.

BlackeyedSusan · 28/03/2016 23:48

take children straight from school as the party is on saturday. that previous unauthorised day may come back to bite you on the bum if you have another one. if dp wants to help he can get the publis transport and you take the children inthe car striaght afer school. have everything packed in the car ready. make sure they use the loo in school and drive straight there.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 29/03/2016 00:42

I would go straight after school. Does your mil understand that the school system has changed, that they've clamped down a lot since she had children of school age?

You'll be able to help out Friday evening, and Sat pre-party, a reasonable compromise to what I consider an odd and ill thought out request - if anyone is being unreasonable, it's mil for asking.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 29/03/2016 01:32

I wouldn't take mine out just for milling around with no real justification. The party is the day after, so if travel after school.

houseeveryweekend · 29/03/2016 01:39

Are they doing ok at school? Up to date with everything etc? If so then yes I would. Its quite an important event to them obviously and grandparents aren't around forever. Like people are saying though if they could just take the afternoon off that might work better. I think that 3 hours is a long journey for kids and is tiring so going on the day might be a bit intense.

Spandexpants007 · 29/03/2016 01:47

It won't bite you on the bum. What a daft thing to say.

Take it. Be honest. Let them mark the absence how they wish. You would need a whole week of unauthorised absences to trigger a letter telling you to improve attendance

80sMum · 29/03/2016 02:00

Hmm. Those saying that the setting up won't take long, there may be more to do than you think. Village Hall parties can take all day to set up. I did the set up for one last year and it took me from 9.00am till 10.30pm to get it all ready.

I had to:
Set up 18 folding tables and move 60 chairs from the store room.
Clean the entire place, including all the loos.
Blow up loads and loads of balloons and tie ribbons on all then bunch them and hang them up.
Iron 18 tablecloths.
Fancy fold 60 napkins.
Put up strings of fairy lights.
Put up birthday banners.
Put up 250 yards of bunting.
Lay 60 place settings.
Arrange a children's play area.
Arrange flowers on each table.
Set up a drinks table.

Unlike a party in a hotel, with a village hall venue it's not just a case of turning up. There's a hell of a lot to do - and unless they have hired the hall for a week, it all has to be done in a very short time.

So, I can understand why it might be "all hands on deck" the day before!

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 29/03/2016 06:32

This is the lamest excuse for keeping children off school that I've heard yet.