Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

curren - I'll give you that! That's actually a really good way of putting it... I think it's difficult when it's an older child. When you try and do something about it, they feel like you dislike them the way you are - maybe it was just me as a kid, but that's how I felt, every time they'd say I was unhealthy.

I still remember the sole girl in primary school who was "fat," Johnnie L. Other parents were concerned about her, she was teased during PE and she wore the frumpiest polyester pantsuits like a middle-aged woman, which is what was available for chubby girls back in the early 70s.

Now she would not even be a blip on the radar screen, in fact compared to the blobs waddling around primary and secondary schools she would be on the svelte side. Standards for what constitutes overweight in children have changed appallingly in 40 years and it is parental neglect. All the excuses about "busy two-working parents" "lack of availability of fresh fruits and vegetables" "no time to cook properly" etc. are just excuses. Get out there and do a couple miles a day walk with your kids, at least, and hide the consoles, game boxes and Facebook.

I think in some cases it is a form of abuse. I'm also disgusted by the fact generous fit kids clothes are so readily available in many places, given that standard fit has become so overly generous. You'd think the minority of kids with a genuine reason to need extra width would be like petite and tall ones- too small a market to be readily available.

I think the puppy fat/ will grow tall line is often bull too. If there is a family history of it, fair enough. But when most adults in the family are overweight and/or short, it should be a wake up call.

I don't agree it's an excuse to say they all eat the same either, we're all different. My stick thin 12yr old eats more than many 6' men, if I gave her the quantities her healthy friends eat she'd be emaciated. And if her friends are what she did they'd be huge.

I think with kids though concern should be about what habits and attitudes they are learning, rather than whether they are a bit chubby or not. The skinny kid who eats for pleasure/ boredom, with small portions of junk at mealtimes, no exercise and overweight parents will probably become an obese adult too. The chubby kid with slim parents, eating a normal healthy diet, but only eating for hunger, not greed, with an active lifestyle, probably will even out.

However, given the trend for following toddlers and young dc about and offering snacks every 5 minutes, I suspect there are a hell of a lot of kids who have no idea how hungry, and therefore full, feels like, and are being taught to eat for the wrong reasons. Alongside the trend for teaching kids to sit around all day.

Grumpyoldhorsewoman, I am always heartened to hear of other families with the same issue - I have one skinny DD and one chunky one. Like your DD2, my DD1 will also hoover up any food left lying around. I'd like to find out more about how you feed your family but I have to go and muck out now! Be back later.

I think we are all fighting a very powerful junk food industry as well, and we all need a lot more help from the government in the form of reducing sugar and educating people.

Greenlounger, what a ridiculous post!
A child falling over and cutting their knee is incomparable
Presumably they are ok after ten minutes and the rest of their life is unaffected
Continually feeding your child rubbish on a daily basis until they are obese , unhappy and unhealthy in a lot of cases for the rest of their lives is abusive
I refuse to believe that anyone is so thick that they don't realise salad is heather than burger and chips

Lea - another simplistic view. It must be so much easier to tar all with one broad brush stroke than to actually consider that not all of them are the same. And thanks for referring to overweight children as 'blobs' - what you say gets heard by your children and they and their comments are the reason I have had had to physically drag my crying child to swimming lessons.

Funny enough my Ds (8) who looks like a drainpipe...Tall and very skinny...Said while sat in KFC .. he is worried about his diet... I talk him about he doesn't need to worry... I make sure he has a balanced diet, he can eat chocolate, crisps but it is balanced with healthy meals , fruit and veg... His worry was what when he leaves home and has to do it alone.. So we had a conversation about what needs to be on a meal...Veg, protien, carbs ... what they do.. We talked about if you have a junk food type day balance it out with a healthy day.. It is all part of his learning...

However I do also think food manufacturers have a responsibility in this..I buy reduced sugar tomato ketchup, same with baked beans... more sugar in bread than there ever was.. I now pay a premium for foods that IMO is how foods should be..

As for child abuse I have to say rarely... I think if you are screwing up..Some people really do need educating on how to give a child a balanced diet, some people do risk their childrens health ...I think overwight children is a complex issue and no one lablel should be applied.

I have recently moved from Shropshire, where we had a local sports centre - all they had for children was swimming (one day a week) and when I left there 5 months ago, there was a decree to close the sports centre altogether and schools are so tied up with exam results that the first thing to suffer is regular PE and sports (especially for girls, I am sorry to say).

They had a park and streets though?

I don't ever remember going to sports centres when I was growing up as they were so expensive, but my parents made sure we spent enough time running around in the fresh air, to burn off our energy.

That and the fact portion sizes weren't anywhere near as big as they often are nowadays, and we weren't allowed to snack all day long.

No-one needs sports centres etc to burn off energy.

Worra No, actually. It was a rural area and the 30mph bendy road that ran through our hamlet was populated by cars hurtling through at 60 - I used to have to meet DD off the school bus because it wasn't even safe for her to cross the road unaided. It's not the 1960s any more - as much as I would loved to have let DD out for the day with an apple and a bottle of water and tell her not to come back until bedtime, we may as well have lived on the side of the M1. Which is one of the reasons we have moved.

But there must have been some public land somewhere to run around on Grumpy?

Assuming you didn't have a garden?

grumpy I have a similar situation to you & I find it so hard & upsetting. It's such a hard line between them understanding that you love them unconditionally & not wanting them to feel awful about their weight at home, on top of jibes that they get at school. Also easy to say up the exercise, so many sports/ activities are overly competitive in my experience. Ds loves rugby & cricket & although reasonably good, attends training etc often only gets a token amount of game time. The good kids get opportunities at school teams, district etc, when do the average kids get to compete & develop a love for their sport FOR THEIR WHOLE LIFE? Ds was slim but solid until senior school. We changed to packed lunches, expected puberty to hit any time & things would sort themselves out naturally but he is now in year 10 & has steadily got bigger & yet to fully go through puberty
We have started to give him pocket money as he is almost 15 & feel it's important he learns to manage money, but controlling what they spend it on is so difficult when they can buy tons of crap in places like poundland.

We did have a garden and she used to play in it. But that's not really stimulating enough for a lonely 11 year old, day after day.

As for specialist help for overweight children, it's simple, healthy food bought and cooked
Do people really need a specialist to tell them that!?

If it was always that simple, my DD would be as slim as the rest of us.

tiggytape Those stats are very sobering, particularly the one that says 1 out every 5 reception aged child (4-5yrs for those who don't know) is overweight or obese. Scary.

'Worra' I don't "allow" snacks either, & dd respects this, she's slim, however it is incredibly difficult to police if you have a child that refuses to respect this, even getting up in the night & helping himself to the fridge. Dh spoke to the doctor but they no longer deal with these issues apparently.

I agree it would get boring after a while Grumpy even with a trampoline and other things to play/exercise on.

But honestly there are always ways to exercise without relying on sports centres etc.

Yes I understand that would be difficult ready.

It's also something my parents would really have punished us for. We were never allowed to take food without asking and my kids aren't either.

So it must be difficult to know what to do if a child goes against that.

What's not simple about buying and serving healthy food?
A young child only has access to what you provide for them so if they are obese then it's your fault

This is such a sensitive issue. Because a lot of people are reading this as 'All overweight children have parents who are abusive'.

When no one is saying that. When kids are older you can't control what they are eating. But you can control what they eat the house and can control what money they have.

You can control how much education you give them on healthy eating and you can control your own education on the issue .

You can control what kids eat when they are young. You can speak to the school and find out what they are eating at school. You can challenge the school if you think the meals are unhealthy or work round them.

Sometimes you can do all you can and they are still over weight because they are eating in secret.

The parents trying to do something are not neglectful. The parents who pretend isn't happening or look the other way while continuing to feed their kids rubbish, are neglectful. Neglect is abuse.

I know there are, but the last bank holiday we were there, our day's amusement was a choice between walking the dogs across the field (again), walking the dogs across the gallops (again) or walking the dogs through the village - which was the option we went for because we didn't do that one so much (on account of the traffic). Not all places are created equal and when there are no local children to play with either, it's a real struggle. There was, quite literally, nothing at all to do - it was the worst place we have ever lived and I'm so glad we're not there any more.

ovary I think apart from lack of exercise (as is often but not always the case), portion size can play a big part, even with healthy food.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that sometimes I read threads on here, about what people are feeding their young kids in one sitting, and I know I genuinely couldn't eat that amount all in one meal.

I think we've somehow become a 'super sized' nation when it comes to meal portions.

Absolutely ovary hill, when children are young & you are in control, not so once they're out with friends, at school etc. We have a healthy, home cooked diet at home & ds is clever, interested & understands about nutrition yet I have an overweight ds
Imagine the situations when out with family & friends with slim children eating icecream said, cake fizzy drinks etc. Dsil constantly hands out snacks, very difficult when we share holidays.
Worra thanks, I feel I'm doing all I can & would certainly welcome any constructive advice

I was a foster carer and I can say that sometimes it is

We looked after a little girl who was being feed rice pudding for dinner with dollops and dollops of jam she was suffering form mild scurvy my GP had actually never seen a case of this before and he'd been a GP for 10 years

I kid you not and being filled up with those chocolate Swiss roll type things

Her excuse was she couldn't get little one to eat anything
She actually accused us of staving her daughter as she could not compute that her daughter was eating normal dinners and actually lost 1 stone dispite her mother trying to convince doctors her child had some genetic issue

Bailing parents will always look to blame others before looking at there own role in the matter

Sadly a lot of looked after children tend to be very fat or very underweight
And often those parents who are so ill educated about children's diets are usually I'll educated about how to meet childrens other needs