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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is having overweight kids child abuse?

1000 replies

Mummyme1987 · 28/03/2016 11:52

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

OP posts:
ovaryhill · 28/03/2016 15:22

And if they are raiding the fridge to point where they are obese , then you must have some amount of crap in your fridge, so again your fault and abusive

WorraLiberty · 28/03/2016 15:23

The parents trying to do something are not neglectful. The parents who pretend isn't happening or look the other way while continuing to feed their kids rubbish, are neglectful. Neglect is abuse.

I think that sums it up well for me.

Sometimes there are reasons but equally there are a lot of excuses trotted out, especially when it comes to exercise.

I do wonder if it's directly related to 64% of adults being overweight/obese themselves.

I know a lot of adults who couldn't physically run around the park, chasing a ball with their kids. Also, a lot of adults can't recognise their own healthy portion sizes when it comes to meals, so I'm not sure if they can with their kids either.

Catvsworld · 28/03/2016 15:25

Tbh I will also say I have looked after children whom are not fat but evey single tooth is a black stump because

They have just been living on suger puffs and kit Kats

WorraLiberty · 28/03/2016 15:25

Actually the fostering angle makes me think of my neighbours.

They've fostered tons of kids in the 21 years I've lived here and many have been very fat when they arrived, and slim when they've left.

finallydelurking · 28/03/2016 15:26

The parents trying to do something are not neglectful. The parents who pretend isn't happening or look the other way while continuing to feed their kids rubbish, are neglectful. Neglect is abuse

Very good post

AyeAmarok · 28/03/2016 15:27

I think it's definitely neglect (and therefore abuse).

It's cruel to the child.

I don't think I know a single child who is worryingly underweight. I know a lot of slim/average children whom are described as being "seriously underweight" by fat parents of parents of fat children. I see SO many overweight children.

In the same way that people tell someone who is a size 16 that they aren't fat, we've just lost sight of what slim and healthy looks like. And people are just in denial.

MissusWrex · 28/03/2016 15:27

Bit chunky? No not really, some children are a bit more rotund than others I think.

But obese (with no medical issues) yes absolutely.

My cousins little girl was a beautiful toddler, full of energy and a joy to be around. Not now. Now she's ten she can barely walk with fat hanging down to her thighs.

I'm nc with her mother now after reporting her to social services a few years ago.

Her mum (my cousin) is very morbidly obese. She reckoned it was 'genetic'. It wasn't, no other family member is. Whenever I went round there she had giant tubs of biscuits/celebrations etc which she'd just give to her dd.

Any concerns put to her about her dd's weight gain were dismissed as 'genetic' again. The school got in touch about her dd's weight and she just flounced off mortally offended and put her in a different school.

I called ss mainly because of a new chap she had on the scene who moved in after she met him OD and managed in the first week to break her dd's arm 'by accident when he was playing with her'.

I saw them in the distance the other day. Dickhead was still with them and cousins dd is the size of three adult women strapped together.

Sad
Shirkingfromhome · 28/03/2016 15:28

These things are always so subjective; there are a lot of factors (not just money or lack of) that contribute. Speaking honestly, I am guilty of snap judgements when I see a fat child (not chubby but fat) eating fast food / sweets / ice cream in public but the reality is I have no idea why that child is fat.

If it's preventable (i.e. a complete lack of parental interest) then yes it is neglectful, but I'm not sure labelling it as such is helpful.

shazzarooney99 · 28/03/2016 15:29

Our next door neighbours daughter is fed nothing but crap and I reckon she is about 13 stone, she is only around 12/13, to me this is wrong. I do think they should be doing something about it, she gets no exersize, eats tonnes of crisps,choccie and sweets and fizzy drinks, I feel really sorry for the daughter but she doesnt know any different.

readyforsunshine · 28/03/2016 15:29

Portion size is a nightmare. Muffins that used to be a fairy cake sized treat when I was growing up are ginormous now for eg. It is a real problem in our society, constant food & organised sport/activities. I can attest to being a competent cook who takes care with the family diet, we are active/reasonably sporty too but still have a very real struggle with ds. The free play running about outside that most of us probably grew up with would actually be frowned upon as neglectful today.

Catvsworld · 28/03/2016 15:29

Also you have to take into account the amount of children in the uk who have parents who are drug users or just drunk often
And are left to fend for the selfs
So have to cook for them selfs and will literally be able to make chips and fish fingers for them and there siblings

it's unlikely a 10 year old struggling to make tea for herself and younger siblings will be making shepeards pie

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 28/03/2016 15:30

Ovary I'd love to send you a picture of my fridge/freezer/cupboards on any given day. You do know that it's possible to get fat on fresh meat, bread and dairy products, don't you? Maybe I shouldn't keep food in the house at all - we could just grow vegetables and live on that, as I'm sure you yourself do. If my house was full of crap, we'd all be overweight but we're not - just DD2, the rest of us are very slim. I feel you are just goading.

Owllady · 28/03/2016 15:30

I do think parents are responsible to a certain extent but overweight children are very rare around these parts. It's a bit like having a fat dog. No one should have a fat dog!
I am fat myself but it's my mums fault

WorraLiberty · 28/03/2016 15:32

The free play running about outside that most of us probably grew up with would actually be frowned upon as neglectful today.

I don't think that's true really unless the kids are under 5 and playing out alone for example.

WorraLiberty · 28/03/2016 15:34

it's unlikely a 10 year old struggling to make tea for herself and younger siblings will be making shepeards pie

True but we're talking about a third of UK children being overweight/obese.

GreenLounger · 28/03/2016 15:34

Bread, cheese, milk, flour, etc. Isn't crap, it's just average household food.

I'd go to the point of baking those mug cakes things, so simple... About 5 a day, my parents never knew. It's silly to think you have to have crap in your house to make a kid overweight.

GreenLounger · 28/03/2016 15:35

Grumpy - I do understand, I really do x

WorraLiberty · 28/03/2016 15:38

If a child is getting fat on fresh food or junk food, they'll need more exercise to burn it off.

The cause of the weight doesn't change that.

ovaryhill · 28/03/2016 15:38

I'm very aware that I may be projecting on this thread
I was the child of an obese mother who did her very best to make me the same way, sweets every day, butter on fried bread, two spoons of sugar in a yoghurt and milkshake with more syrup than milk
She died at age 58 of obesity related illnesses and whilst my dad was visiting her in hospital he dropped down dead of a heart attack in front of her, both parents gone in the space of two months
Like I've said before, she may have dug her own grave with her knife and fork but I'm damned if I'll put my kids through the same

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 28/03/2016 15:42

Green at what point did you realise that you needed to take control of your weight? I think DD2 is starting to come around now (at 12.5) and is happier to do more outside, even though she gets bored at being without other children for company, she can still be persuaded. She still rails against me sometimes when I tell her no more food and we have many shouty arguments, but I'm hoping we are turning the corner. She's quite conscious of her weight, so I'm hoping the sneaky eating might go away...

Owllady · 28/03/2016 15:43

Ovaryhill, that so sad :( I'm so sorry

curren · 28/03/2016 15:44

Portion size is a nightmare.

totally agree with this.

The cookies on sale at dds school are bigger than dhs hand span. Including his fingers. Far bigger than my hand. 380kcal of crap.

WorraLiberty · 28/03/2016 15:44

That's another reason why childhood obesity needs to be taken more seriously.

So many overweight adults are still blaming their weight on what/how their parents fed them, all those years ago. Even though they've been responsible for their own diet/exercise since before they left home.

I think the next generation of overweight/obese adults (of which there will undoubtedly be more of) will also blame today's parents.

And so the cycle continues.

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 28/03/2016 15:45

Ovary in light of your revelation, I can understand your frustration. Please try to understand mine as we eat 'normal' home-made (nothing from jars or packets) food and are a fit, healthy family with one overweight child who is obviously stealing food and over-eating when nobody sees her.

GreenLounger · 28/03/2016 15:48

Honestly, I tried at 11, that's when I really became self- conscious... I'd refuse to do exercise because of this, so I was making things worse. My teenage years were a misery Sad to this day, I feel like I skipped those years unfortunately. I was 16 when I joined a weight loss group with my mum. I thinks it's because I knew that I was still so young and even though I missed out on all the clubs I wanted to join, all the friends I wanted to make, I still could! That's what my turning point was, when I knew I could do all those things at 17, 18, etc. I didn't need to be 10 or whatever (I dreamt of doing dance, you see) - I joined when I was 19 st 3... Blush I was 16... 5 ft 6

I managed to get down to 10 st 5, in a year...

I think that turning point is different for everyone... I really hope it continues for your DD Thanks x

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