Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

[GreenLounger]

All the people saying they think it's neglectful, but not abuse. Neglect is abuse

[finallydelurking]

Depending on who's delivering the training the figures quoted for how many children are victims of abuse range from between 1in4 to . 1in6. As unpalatable as that is, it does point to a higher percentage than we would like to think of parents being 'child abusers'.

[WorraLiberty]

However, it was my fault. I started putting on the weight, when I would sneak food - I wasn't obese, just overweight. When I reached Secondary School, I was obese - I would eat behind everyone's back. That isn't my parents' fault. They were not abusing me, I was abusing myself.

When it was apparent that you were overweight in Primary school, what did your parents do to help you lose the weight?

[tiredforever]

I just had the letter from school telling me DD is overweight.

No she's fucking not. She's off the top of centile chart for height and over the top of centile chart for weight (not by as big a margin then the height though). She's 5.5 and wearing 6-7 clothes with the elastic in the waist pulled into the thinnest possible measurement.

She walks a mile each way to school. She does 2-3 sport activities, 3-6 times a week.

Neglect? Well that would be school sending home nits at least once per term, if not once every half term. In the middle of vamoussing/ combing hell again. She'll be nit free before the holiday is over and will be reinfected before half term...

She's not visibly overweight, so she's probably not the child you are talking about; but she is clinically overweight apparently

[curren]

tired I agree with that. The school tests seem very odd. Both mine were normal, but several friend whose children weren't over weight got told they were. Two took their kids to Theo tots who confirmed they weren't.

Not sure what goes off in schools but I have heard of a few kids being mislabelled.

[WorraLiberty]

There are a few kids being mislabelled and sadly that often leads to parents of overweight kids, throwing their letters in the bin.

You can see if your child is overweight, as long as you're honest about it.

[GreenLounger]

My parents didn't do anything, but they didn't know I was eating food, sneakily!

They assumed it was the weight you get, just before you have a growth spurt! Even the staff told me that! Things have changed now, though.

However, when I was getting bigger - I would be put on a diet, but I'd never stick to it (I'd eat without them knowing, there wasn't even anything bad in the house - bread/cheese, etc. I'd eat those!)

What were they supposed to do? It was too late for them to do anything, I was old enough to make up my own mind, to make that change. Which I have, but my parents didn't do it for me...

[Obs2016]

What % of uk children are overweight?

What % of uk adults are overweight?

Does anyone know the stats please?

[FifteenFortyNine]

It's not child abuse, unless you are forcing deep fried hamburgers and family size pizzas down your childrens throat.

[Obs2016]

Worra said 1/3 of children aged 2-15.

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

I weigh around 8 stone 7lbs, DH weighs around 10stone 7lbs, DD1 (aged 21 and 5'6 tall) weighs around 9stone 10 lbs, DD2 (aged 12 and around 5'0 tall) weighs over 9 stone. We all eat the same food, very very few takeaways or junk food, girls have almost never even tasted fizzy drinks and I'm a good cook and well-versed in nutrition (DH used to be a jockey). DD2 has gorgeous skin and hair and bright eyes. She does love food and I find myself constantly telling her no more, or taking things from her, so her weight is clearly down to eating more than she should. She has done gymnastics, trampolining, swimming lessons, horse riding and cricket but has given each of them up one by one as other children made fun of her for being chunky and she would cry and refuse to go any more. I have always been concerned and sought help (boot camps, nutritionists etc) but there is absolutely nothing for children - the general consensus seems to be "it's only puppy fat - if she's eating healthily she'll grow out of it". Nice-but-dim MIL even suggested once that if I made an issue of her weight it could make her anorexic WTF?. As an aside, I once went on a school trip as a parent helper. In DD's lunchbox was a typical variety of wholegrain roll with cheese, fruit, bottle of water and yoghurt. The skinniest girl in the class opened hers to packet of crisps, pepperami, bar of chocolate and can of coke - far too simplistic to base your opinions purely on the way a child looks.

But it's nice to know people are out there, judging me as a child abuser.

[WorraLiberty]

Obs you'll have to Google but off the top of my head, a third of children aged 2-15 and around 64% of adults.

[GreenLounger]

It's like saying - the child who fell over in the garden and cut their knee = child abuse.

You put them in the garden, you allowed them to walk around on the floor.

It's exactly the same as throwing them, and them cutting their knee.

I don't get how it's child abuse - like a PP said, you're not shoving food down a 13 year old's throat!

[WorraLiberty]

It's not child abuse, unless you are forcing deep fried hamburgers and family size pizzas down your childrens throat.

That doesn't make sense.

A parent has a duty to look after their child's health. Allowing them to become obese due to poor diet/too much food/ not enough exercise is neglectful.

Forcing junk food down their throats doesn't come into it.

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

Green it's lovely to read your post - I think that's the issue we have with DD2 because we'll often catch her sneaking food and, like in your own house, we don't keep stashes of biscuits, crisps, pizza and ice creams. Her problems would be things like bread and dinner leftovers. She's always reprimanded if she's caught, but is obviously getting away without being caught sometimes.

[tiredforever]

But my child is part of the statistics people quote, and she's mislabelled. It's because there's an age rating in the BMI for kids.

She simply weighs more that they allow a child of 5.5 to weigh. No matter that she's as tall as children in Y2.

And it's not me being blind to her shape and size - she did have toddler chub, she's been 'stretching' upwards for the last year or so, very little weight gain but inches taller, now nearly 120 cm tall.

But these examples, although only a small number of the results are skewed by factors such as height, discredit the whole system.

[Conflictedkate]

Don't think it's child abuse but definitely bad parenting not to address it. I've known a family for years - dad is slim but mums side all big and 3 kids going the same wAy. Dad is worried as can see they're obese. Mum and family can't see this at all and went mad when letters went home saying they were obese so now refuses the weighing. Claims they don't eAt much but they bloody do. Choc custard for breakfast is apparently the only thing they'll eat! Now super addicted to crap

[WorraLiberty]

Most stats are skewed by something.

I think in this case the amount of truly mislabelled children aren't enough to make any real difference.

It's not a perfect tool, but then I don't think there will ever be one.

[ThatsNotMyRabbit]

People stop seeing it/don't want to see it.

A friend of mine has a daughter who is as wide as she's tall. She's late teens now and has always been obese. Her mothers favourite excuse is "But she went through a stage of being bullied at school when she was 12 and wouldn't eat and was really gaunt. I was so worried.

She was never "gaunt". She went through a brief period of being almost normal build/slightly podgy 🙄

Her mum describes her as "Quite big".

She's gigantic 🙄

[curren]

It's like saying - the child who fell over in the garden and cut their knee = child abuse

No it's like your child falling over in garden, cutting itself and you ignoring the problem hoping it goes away in its own and not cleaning it.

[AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust]

My children eat big portions - they like their food. They're all at a suitable weight for their height and I've wondered how much more they'd have to eat to become obese. They're not sporty but do walk 3 miles school run every day.

Someone I know was talking to me about her kids dinner - they had (dad and 2 kids) 48 meatballs between the three of them. 16 each. They are all very obese, it's sad watching the kids runaround with their friends and getting red faced and out of breath after a couple of minutes. I wouldn't say anything to her - because what do you say without causing huge offence?

I know another mum who had a right go at the school for the letter saying her child was overweight and I saw her recently, child is now y2 and is definitely obese now. She was told, she took offence and ignored.

I don't know what the answer is - there'd be uproar if these parents were accused of being abusive parents, but it's obviously not good for these children who will proabaly grow up to be obese adults.

[WorraLiberty]

Actually, thinking about my 24yr old and my nearly 17yr old

Every single one of their overweight friends that they've known all their school lives, were actually overweight in Primary school.

I can't think of any who weren't.

[GreenLounger]

Grumpy - it's so tough I feel bad that I did it - it was probably horrible for my parents. Trust me, she'll be getting away with it loads!

People say that kids won't be getting obese on things like that, it's so easy to.

I'd have 5 bits for breakfast, but I'll say to my mum I only had 2 - she'd think it was just her eyes (that's why she thought there was more in the loaf) - I was awful!

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

Lots of people on here who assume that a child of burgeoning weight has parents who are not addressing the issue. Whilst this may be true in the majority of cases, there are also many for whom help is sought but never found. I will assume that those who think parents of fat kids are lazy slobs have slim children themselves and have never researched specialist help for overweight children. I have one of each and it wasn't until I tried to find professional assistance for managing a child's weight/exercise regime that I discovered they don't exist. I have recently moved from Shropshire, where we had a local sports centre - all they had for children was swimming (one day a week) and when I left there 5 months ago, there was a decree to close the sports centre altogether and schools are so tied up with exam results that the first thing to suffer is regular PE and sports (especially for girls, I am sorry to say).
To all those judging, google 'assistance for childhood obesity' or something similar and see how many programmes you can find for face-to-face help. I (and my DD for that matter) know more than most about nutrition etc - we need practical help because she just doesn't take enough notice of me but would listen more readily to a professional with whom she had to regularly interact. There are a lot of mixed messages around children and food - one minute it's 'size zero' and eating disorders, the next it's childhood obesity - people are afraid to address weight management (from either side) in children.