Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

In some cases yes it can be, the healthy eating message is pushed quite heavily now through schools, doctors, children's centres etc and although some people might not get it I don't believe for a minute that every parent of an overweight child doesn't understand about healthy eating. It's really not a difficult concept, I know that food can be expensive but some of the healthy options are cheaper and if you are sensible with where you shop it's manageable (I feed a family of four for about £40 a week). Sometimes I think people go for the convienet and easy option regardless and then make excuses about not having the time, money or knowledge. However something like a chicken stir fry takes no more than 20 minutes to do, recipes can be found for free on line or in library books and if you get vegetables that are in season and cheaper cuts of meat it's not a costly meal.

I guess in really extreme cases it could be classed as such. If a child is seriously obese and getting ill because of it, and the parent refuses to acknowledge it and keeps feeding lots of bad food etc, I think it would be neglect.

Here is my situation.

Dd was always a healthy weight. She started secondary this year and between September and Christmas noticeably put on weight. We noticed. She wasn't happy either, we could see it. She hated going out.

I spoke to her about talking about health and the impact, her weight had on the sport she does.

I took her off the canteen food and put her on sandwiches and it fell off. They sell so much unhealthy food she wasn't able to resist the pancakes and have toast (she had breakfast at school as she could face breakfast to early). Or resist the sandwiches covered in mayo and a cookie.

So she went on sandwiches and the weight came off. I have spoken to several parents of kids in her year and all said their kids have put on a lot of weight since starting.

Some have done something, some have ignored it through fear of upsetting their kids. Some have ignored it and said 'well it's their choice and their problem.

One parent, whose son has stacked on a lot of weight (he now looks severely obese) insists its his natural build and he doesn't eat much. Which isn't true, he has lunch with dd and eats loads. She must know he eats a lot as she give him the money.

I think someone needs to step in and wake her up.

Personally I think they 'it's their choice and their problem' are being neglectful. They aren't trying to educate their kids or help them.

If your kids were doing something else that was so dangerous to their future health you would step in.

Surely if having overweight children is abuse, then having underweight children should be deemed abuse as well?

It makes me sad to see one of Dd's classmates covered in bruises and to know that social services have done very little. Maybe having an overweight child is not ideal, but is it really realistic to expect social services intervention for one in four children?

But it isn't just healthy eating.

Portion sizes have grown considerably over the years and when you look around the streets and parks, there are a lot less children playing out, than there was when I was a kid.

In fact a lot less than when my 24yr old was a kid.

I don't think it's great parenting. Two girls I know are both fat as is mum. I know she hates being overweight so cannot understand how she's let the kids go the same way at 5 and 8. The Dad is really sporty too so I can't understand how he's not bothered to keep his girls active.

It's hardly surprising that fat kids end up tall the food is going to be doing something but just because they're taller, bigger feet etc its not good and especially in girls they're more likely to start puberty earlier which long term puts them at greater risk of some female cancers.

Aside from all this they look different to their peers and can be targets for bullying. Why you would do that to your kids makes me wonder at some people.

Threads like this end up with people saying they're all fed the same but unless you have twins they shouldn't be fed the same.

I think there is a big difference between kids who are so fat they are having breathing problems, can't walk etc and chubby kids. But I think it is unreasonable to call all parents of kids who are overweight child abusers.
Those tests they use to determine overweight often seem to brand normal kids overweight too.

Surely if having overweight children is abuse, then having underweight children should be deemed abuse as well?

again it would depend on the circumstances.

In that case then OP YANBU

It makes me sad to see one of Dd's classmates covered in bruises and to know that social services have done very little. Maybe having an overweight child is not ideal, but is it really realistic to expect social services intervention for one in four children?

It may not be realistic, due to staffing etc but someone needs to help those children.

Overweight kids generally do turn in to overweight adults.

I think there's always exceptions but for the most part it's neglect and therefore abuse.

I coach children in a sport related to dance.

When I was competing you literally would not see one obese child (many moons ago). Now when we travel to events I would say obese children outnumber slim and overweight kids.

They can't all have medical conditions.

It angers me. When a person gets to late teens/adulthood there's not a whole lot you can do. But at that age the parents or guardians are responsible and should be held accountable.

Curren why don't you speak to the school? Complain about that canteen? It sounds awful!

Here in Australia mind you, many state primaries have a TERRIBLE canteen...schools don't really do cooked lunches so they offer packaged pies and pastries heated up...awful, processed things in addition to the brightest most additive laden lolly ices etc. Shocking.

Luckily my DC attend a school which has none of that but it's the norm in other schools here in south oz.

it would depend on the circumstances.

And how would you determine circumstances? My brother was overweight, I was underweight, we did the same amount of exercise and ate the same things.

I think it is bad parenting, unless for a medical condition I see no reason why a child should be overweight.

If a child is extremely overweight( unless a medical condition) and it's affecting there health then yes I think it is child abuse as the parents let it go on and Get to such an extreme stage.

I agree with what Pinotandplayough said about the healthy eating message is pushed through many places now so not many parents can claim not to understand healthy food.

But I think it is unreasonable to call all parents of kids who are overweight child abusers.

Labelling All parents would be unreasonable. But some of these parents are neglectful. Which would be abuse.

People, children included, come in all sorts of shapes & sizes but I think it is abusive to allow a child to become obese - we're not talking about the slightly plump phase a lot of children have before a growth spurt.

Obese children often have obese parents - they eat the family diet & look "normal" in relation to their family.

Fatness is -depressingly-- normal now & it's really depressing that shops have "generous fit" children's clothes - when I was a child in the 60s, 70s & a teen in the 80s it just wasn't necessary - I can think of one fat boy in primary school & one fat boy & two fat girls in secondary; one of the girls dieted & lost it all over the summer holidays between 4th & 5th year.

I think it is neglect too. Not just chubby, but obese to the point that it restricts the childs life. And I mean NT children with no other health issues.

My DD1 is a healthy weight but sometime last year she was just into overweight, on the BMI chart...she didn't look overweight at all. I knew it was most likely that she was going to shoot up again soon, but I still had a good look at her diet and exercise.

She did shoot up and it has balanced out, but I would have considered myself neglectful if I had just ignored the weight gain. And that wasn't even visually in front of me because I could still see her ribs and spine.

Maybe my own issues with weight and food make me paranoid about it.

Our school has a no packed lunch policy. It's impossible to know what they eat. I often thought they banned chocolate bars in packed lunches when they did have packed lunches ar school but serve chocolate cake covered in chocolate with custard?

I think it can be neglect but probably isn't always. Some people don't understand food that well and may not realise what is and isn't healthy. Many kids eat a whole pile of shit everyday and aren't overweight so it could be easy to not understand where you are going wrong.

If you have little support and poor parenting skills it's probably a big challenge. Sure Start used to do great cookery lessons for parents but it's all been cut back .

I think to say it is abuse or neglect just as a matter of fact is very unfair to many parents. I was an overweight child, my mum did everything she could, we went to dieticians, I was forever on 'diets'. It actually made me worse because I started binge eating in secret and ended up with an eating disorder.

It was probably just a mixture of puppy fat and hormones. I was very tall - 5ft 2 by age 10 and started puberty at 9. If my mum hadn't tried so hard to manage my weight I might not have been overweight as an adult or struggled with an ED.

It's a very fine line and very tricky so I think people should be careful about using emotive language without the facts.

If we're talking about fat children (not slightly chubby or at puberty) then yes I think it is abuse. You are abusing their health, emotional wellbeing and life experiences.

There are a number of fat (not just chubby) but fat children at DCs school. Mostly girls but boys too (mainly in year 5/6). We went to their school play last week and one of the girls in DSs class was red in the face and panting just from one dance in the play. They come last in sports day waddling along in the races. It isn't their fault, I think the parents are in denial at how big they are or aren't just ignorant or too lazy to sort it out. I'm not talking about secondary children who have access to money and food, I'm talking about primary kids who's parents feed them. Obviously not children with medical issues.

Of course it isn't. Everything contains sugar these days and unless you are clued up and have parents that have check all labels it is difficult to disguish. Ella's kitchen fruit pouches and all those grape juice yogurts are awful and give children the taste for sweet things as normal.
Flavours are all enhanced with sugar and fats so we think this is normal.
I eat a peasant diet due to my husbands cooking habits and country of origin but I am otherwise lazy and would be overweight if it wasn't for him, as I am sure our child would be.

Those school dinners are disgraceful.

We don't have those here and dc school has a healthy eating policy.

No chocolate of any kind (including choc yogurts).

No biscuits, cakes, drinks other than water or milk, no crisps, no sweets like fruit winders etc.

Those tests they use to determine overweight often seem to brand normal kids overweight too.

Yes and because that happens to a small minority, some people use it as an excuse to bin the letter and hide their heads in the sand, even when their child is actually overweight.

Some kids have 'puppy fat' that disappears after a growth spurt, but sometimes it doesn't, so even parents who say 'it's only puppy fat', need to keep an extra eye on exercise levels.