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AIBU?

Is having overweight kids child abuse?

1000 replies

Mummyme1987 · 28/03/2016 11:52

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

OP posts:

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fascicle · 04/04/2016 20:07

BabyGanoush
An example of luck might be a child gravitating towards a hobby that is a physical activity rather than a sedentary one. He/she is unlikely to be doing it through a conscious effort to offset calories or because exercise is important, more because they enjoy it/they're good at it/their friends do it. But that activity might be the difference between the child being slim or overweight.

There is no guarantee that your children will have internalised those 'unpopular and boring decisions' you are making on their behalf. Given free rein, they might make different choices.

AnotherEffingOrangeRevel · 04/04/2016 20:35

I am including in "luck" the situation into which you're born, the school you go to, the overall trends in the society you live in (it's this that's changing over time), etc etc. And yes, what fascicle says. Things you have little control over.

shebird · 04/04/2016 21:07

I agree there is an element of luck with regards to the circumstances a child is born but I also strongly believe that parents influence and efforts also play a big part. Making boring and unpopular decisions and saying no and encouraging being active as a normal part of everyday life.

I know someone who is very overweight, she born into a very well off educated family and went to great schools so she was one of the 'lucky' ones. However, her parents didn't say no often enough and didn't encourage activity. The older she got the harder it was to tackle the problem and a chubby child then became an overweight adult.

fascicle · 04/04/2016 22:05

shebird
her parents didn't say no often enough and didn't encourage activity

Your assessment sounds a little subjective. Presumably you've used this person as an example because her situation was unusual. Even if her parents didn't encourage her, presumably the great schools she attended would have had decent facilities and provided access to activities.

Mummyme1987 · 04/04/2016 22:27

Thank you everyone for all of your opinions and how the discussion has developed from my post. I saw on the constipation thread that you need to start another thread at 1000 posts. As I got my answers many posts ago and the discussion has really moved on from my original post, I'm not starting another one. Obviously anyone can continue but I'm not. Especially as I'm being accused of being a troll thread :(. Which I would like to say I'm really not a troll, just wanted to know the whole world wasn't judging me as a child abuser. Which I found very upsetting at the time of my friend's posting and I posted in quite an emotional state. Thank you for opinions and discussion.

OP posts:

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 22:30

Someone like Jamie Oliver would do so much better to start some sort of organisation where cookers could be provided for low income families or individuals or for young ppl coming out of care because lack of cooking facilities is a real problem. They wont all be able to get a cooker from freecycle or whatever it is.

Surely it would be much more productive to do something like this rather than dancing a jig outside Westminster over the taxing of a few cans of Lilt! Or having a go at ppl for owning mobile phones. Which they need to have for employers to be able to get in touch with them.

GraysAnalogy · 04/04/2016 22:41

I agree Helena. Is there actually any daytime TV show or free literature that shows people how to cook healthy, quickly and on the cheap? I don't watch much tv so I don't know

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 22:44

IMO Jack Monroe should get her own show and it should be on in the evenings.

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 22:45

I dont do daytime tv

GraysAnalogy · 04/04/2016 22:47

Okay sorry just thought you might know

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 22:51

No probs

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 23:10

And im always reading on here how kids are now set hours and hours of homework even in primary school. Which must mean more hours sat down doing said homework whether on paper or in front of a screen. I was in primary school in the EARLY 80s (entered high school in 84) and my primary school never set us any homework. i remember my peers getting home after school and going straight out on their bikes.

If they did this now they would probably get a visit or a letter home about why hasnt the homework been done?

Not saying they shouldnt get any but hours of it is unnessacery.

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 23:12

So if we are going to talk about whats changed since the early 80s we have to include the above.

40 pages.....thread nearly finished and the irony is im the one whos realised this and im the childfree one!

AbernathysFringe · 04/04/2016 23:16

If the entire family is obese, as I often see where I live, it's very unlikely to be a medical condition and more just the stupid eating habits. It is abuse - the child has no choice, the responsible party is damaging their body. Educate as much as you like, they have a lack of self-control and you can't teach that, it has to come from their own want.

GraysAnalogy · 04/04/2016 23:25

The homework thing is a good point actually and one I'd never thought of (gosh Helena we have agreed twice )

I think that's a larger issue of expectations on children. I haven't got to that stage yet but my friends talk about the time their kids have to spend doing homework and jesus sodding christ. When are they supposed to have this exercise and then down time if they're stuck doing a mini thesis

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 23:28

Wait till all the schools become academies. If we think its bad now..........

WorraLiberty · 04/04/2016 23:28

Oh god, Primary school kids do not get 'hours and hours' of homework. Certainly not enough to prevent them from getting enough exercise.

The majority get a bit of reading, learning their times tables and the odd worksheet. During holidays, they may get a project.

This thread is officially bonkers now imo, with regards to the fact it contains just about every single excuse under the sun.

I get that there are some adults here who have their own serious issues when it comes to weight, but meanwhile a third of children aged 2-15 are also overweight/obese.

What chance do they have if the adults in their lives are so negative, that they'll think of every reason under the sun, as to why those kid's parents allowed that to happen to them?

And more importantly, that they're so very negative and apathetic when it comes to losing the weight, adults have allowed them to gain?

GraysAnalogy · 04/04/2016 23:31

Worra in fairness some actually do. I've been gobsmacked at some of the stuff I've seen. I wouldn't have believed it, thought my friends were going overboard until I saw it myself. Some of it is absolutely ridiculous.

GraysAnalogy · 04/04/2016 23:33

Otherwise I do agree with the excuses comment. Too many excuses not enough personal responsibility.

WorraLiberty · 04/04/2016 23:33

And when I say 'allowed' them to gain, in many cases they've 'caused' them to gain.

But if some adults have their own weight issues to deal with, I do accept it must be hard to accept they also have their children's weight issues to deal with.

Which is probably why there's so much apathy and doom and gloom surrounding the whole subject.

I can only hope the schools find the time and resources to step in and help those children, before they become the overweight adults that many of their parents are.

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 23:34

Grays is right There have been detailed threads on here about it. And Grays as you are in your 20s you wouldnt remember the early 80s but i do as im in my forties. And it was soooo different to what is expected of kids now after they have walked out of the school gate.

GraysAnalogy · 04/04/2016 23:35

There's not much schools can do if parents are buying into Health at Every Size.

'Darling your weight doesn't matter we need to analyse your health in another light and as you seem fine now it's okay!'

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 23:37

If they all become academies profit and number crunching will be the order of the day not time and resources.

WorraLiberty · 04/04/2016 23:38

Not ridiculous enough to prevent kids from getting enough exercise though Grays, or to prevent their parents from overfeeding them like we've seen many times on the 'packed lunch' threads, or 'what does your child eat for breakfast' threads. Or to prevent parents from using snacks as a babysitter to keep kids quiet and occupied.

Homework can now officially be added to the never ending list of reasons why kids are being overfed, and under exercised if this thread is anything to go by.

katenka · 05/04/2016 06:43

I have kids in primary and secondary. They don't get enough home work to prevent exercise.

Dd goes to an academy that does far more sport and after school clubs than her friends secondary schools. It has excellent facilities, which is why it's the most popular school in the area.

So it's not always the case that when schools become academy's will not spend money on sport. Not that I support all schools becoming academy's. However the doom Sayers can't predict what will happen if it goes ahead.

I have honestly never heard or read so many excuses.

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