Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

of course it is neglectful when you have allowed your child to become seriously over weight because they have an unhealthy diet

some children will be more prone to weight gain and will be chubby some will be skinny no matter how much they eat

but it is down to parents to manage what children eat

You can manage what they eat up til about secondary age..... Majority of overweight kids I see are teens.

I think most people are talking about pre teens

its eating habits too. ds could live off cookies, crisps and the odd bowl of spaghetti and would happily do so but he is learning about food and healthy eating and why it is necessary

food can still be managed at home to some extent. I have seen posters moan about children helping themselves to biscuits/crisps just don't buy them or hide them very well

I don't believe in using food as a treat I think this can be a set up for bad eating habits, associating certain foods usually ones that are not so good for us with being good

Before children can choose/take their own food, then yes. Obviously harder once they go to secondary and are eating school dinners etc, but there should be more education around food choices anyway. Mine know to ask if they want choc/crisps:biscuits at home & they are 11 &13. I don't always say yes either if I think they've had a lot of crap that day, or I've made a dessert. Or I say make a healthier snack choice.

There's lots of misinterpretation of what's 'healthy' as well

I'm not trying to shut any conversation down, but there's no way in hell this is a fat-shaming-free thread, which some PPs are claiming.

My point re calories in vs calories out wasn't to dispute that fact but to point out the 'just' that always goes along with it. If it was that simple there'd be no-one fat.

I agree with Worra

this is not about fat shaming this is about the very real and serious problem with have with many many children being obese

we are not allowed to say that some parents are lazy, excuses will be given they are struggling etc etc it is not excuse beans on toast is healthier and cheaper than a pizza, spaghetti with tomato sauce or spag bol that takes 2 minutes to prepare is healthier than fish fingers and chips there are many healthy options that do not take long to prepare and are cheap but take longer than sticking something in the over or microwave

don't have fizzy drinks in the house, water down fruit juice, buy frozen veg, buy less crisps and biscuits all straight forward and simple ideas but we will again and again hear excuses why this is not done and childen carrying on eating their unhealthy diets

Re underweight also 'being abuse'. No, unless you are starving your child! DS is underweight, no underlying issues have been found & im trying to make him eat more 'good' fatty food like nuts & whole milk and he generally has a reasonable diet (and eats school dinners). he would eat crap til the cows come home, but that's not good either.

Btw, the 2 obese kids at school are still obese now in their 40s.

People keep focusing on teenage kids who buy their own food, fair enough it is hard to monitor what they are eating when they are out and about. The real problem I see in my work with children is the amount of kids who are obese at the age of 3, 4, 5 . I have worked in classes of children aged 8 -9 and out of a class of 29 kids there were 6 who were very obese to the point that walking more than the length of the playground had them puffing and red faced.
These are the children that I would say are being neglected by their carers because they are damaging these children by allowing them to get to the point that they are obese.
To clarify out of the children mentioned not one had any form of SN. I know this as I have full access to their records, they are just being given to much of the wrong food and not encouraged to move.

rainbow So you identified an issue with six children in a class in which you worked. You say those children are being neglected by their carers. What steps did you/the school take to help those children?

Step were taken as they always are however the parents did not want to hear it in most cases. One of the parents from that particular class did make changes and her family are healthier and happier as a result. She actually wrote to the school saying that the letter home was the kick up the but she needed to change things.
The others I'm afraid continue to be in the very obese weight range with no change in the parents attitude.
Bear in mind this is a snapshot of one class. I see similar on a daily basis through my work.
It is my opinion that it is neglect yes but until society stops seeing obese children and adults as the new norm then what can actually be done is pretty limited.
You read threads on hear all the time people saying Oh I can see dds ribs she is too skinny, actually no that is normal for a child you should see their ribs.
As PP say we need to stop calling overweight kids, chunky, squishy and other cute names and face up to the fact that lots of people are making their children very fat.
Also as has been said there are some strange views on what is a healthy diet in general never mind what is healthy for children. Just look at any of the many what will I put in my packed lunch threads where people come saying they want healthy ideas for packed lunches. You will invariably get responses like, cold mini sausages, pork pie, cold pizza, sausage rolls, etc. If these are what people think are healthy foods then it is no wonder that we have the problems we do.

Gosh! There are some very sanctimonious people on here. I think that as parents we all try our best. I know I have. I have five children, my youngest is now 15. I have always made home cooked meals with plenty of fruit, veg and butcher's meat, fresh fish and barely any processed foods. They have also all been active kids. As they were growing up, my eldest daughter went through a slightly chubbier phase aged 11, then a very skinny phase aged 16 and now aged 25 she's a very normal good weight. My son similarly became a bit chubby at one point, but now aged 23 is very slim and super healthy. My daughter of 21 is slim and always has been, as is my daughter of 17. My youngest daughter, aged 15 is currently super skinny. A year ago she was even skinnier, to the point that I had friends worried about her and had me taking her to the Doctor. However, from the age of 9 to 14 she was really quite overweight. She personally made the decision not to be overweight any more and sorted herself out, went a bit far the other way and has now, aged nearly 16 reached a perfect size.
We have always eaten together as a family, we have encouraged exercise and activities and have encouraged them to do well at school. Thankfully, they have all achieved quite well so far.
However, and this is a big however, when my youngest was going through a chubby phase I did get some very unkind comments. Thankfully, because she was the youngest of five I weathered the storm and am here to tell the tale.
If you see a chubby child, please do not assume, or judge.
If you see a child that is too skinny, likewise.
You have to remember that children do actually make their own decisions too and sometimes they don't always get that "full up signal" as quickly as others and if given pocket money they may choose to buy unhealthy snacks with it whereas others may choose to buy a magazine. Once they get to secondary school you cannot and should not control every second of every day and every decision. They have to learn to make choices. Sometimes those choices take them in slightly the wrong direction. It is our job as parents to encourage and redirect, to support and help.
It is certainly not our job to judge other patents! We should focus on our own children.

Very well said SMHL

all parents try their best

seriously you believe that?

we are not talking about slightly chubby children we are talking about children who are obese

people judge its human nature

should we all make excuses for those who cba to feed their children a healthy balanced diet and they live off a diet of crap

It is foolish to tip toe around the issue of obesity in children for fear of fat shaming or hurting someone's feelings. If your child is overweight this is a serious health issue that has the potential to impact their future. It is neglectful to ignore it or gloss over it as puppy fat or cuddly. People wouldn't do this with any other health issue but somehow there are plenty of excuses or reasons not to deal with being fat.

I think that as parents we all try our best. I know I have

you trying your best, isn't the same as everyone trying their best.

Do you really think because you are doing your best everyone else is?

Why are children getting abused then? Yes some kids are abused while parents are still trying their best. But many children are abused because their parents don't even do what most of us consider the bare minimum.

It's worth reapeating that no one has said that every child who is over weight has bad, neglecting and abusive parents.

Only that allowing your child to be over weight can be down to neglect. Neglect is abuse.

Actually I started the thread as my friend on Fb said that all parents unless the kids have medical issues are child abusers. I strongly disagreed and wanted to know if this was a widely held view.

I don't think it's down to parenting as such.

My dd has never been that interested in food. Had to be coaxed to eat for years, doesn't have any favourite foods at ten. Eating is a chore for her. She can go without a meal and it wouldn't bother her much. As such, she's slim.

She has friends who absolutely love food and have done since weaning. They love trying new flavours, always clean their plates and ask for more. Are always on the look out for extra food. If someone's giving out sweets for their birthday at school, they'll ask them have you got any spare, can I have more. Party tables have to be cleared to stop them eating.

So for us, dd has free reign of all food - some of it healthy, some not. She just naturally isn't that interested in it. So I could leave a box of chocolates out and she'd maybe eat one. Possibly two. But she'd stop then and say she'd had enough. Her friends, you'd have to remove the box or they'd eat the whole lot.

If anything her friends' parents are far more conscious about healthy eating than I am. Because they have to be. They have to ration snacks, cook low fat meals. It's a constant battle to stop their dc's overeating. One of them takes their dd to a multitude of sports/activities after school. She can because she's not working but I'd be exhausted by it myself.

So to me, it's very short sighted to assume it's about a lazy parent feeding their dc nuggets and chips every night. I think we're dealt a certain type of dc and it's about how effectively you manage it. It becomes really difficult to manage it as they get to 10 years old because they're with other people in other settings so much of the time.

Obviously my friend isn't on this thread though

My 'kids' are 24yrs, nearly 17yrs and 13yrs.

They have/had a few overweight friends in senior school and just about all of them were overweight in Primary.

IME it's quite rare for a slim child without medical problems, to suddenly become noticeably overweight/obese in senior school.

Yes and no one has agreed that all parents with over weight children, are abusers.

I am sure your friend didn't mean you either. Since they posted about medical exceptions.

we eat on average more sugar and processed foods than ever

we all know living off processed foods is not good for us

but some people just cba to cook why are we avoiding this

I have seen this mentioned on here with support from others well you are busy blah blah you cant do everything but you have to make the effort and it takes little effort but more than sticking something in the oven or have an unhealthy child its a choice

My dd has never been that interested in food.

That's my DS. If I didn't try and get something in them he would happily go the entire day without a bite. Some days the only thing I can convince him to eat is a bite of chocolate (literally a bite), other days (usually when he's 'stocking up' for another growth spurt) he'll eat normal amounts, but even then he's incredibly picky. It's nearly impossible to get fruits or veg into him. This was a boy whose favorite food when he was weaning was cut up peas, carrots, corn, broccoli, beans, etc All he ever used to eat was veg! He'd gum pieces of melon to death all day. Then at 2 Boom! He eats nothing.

His GP says to wait it out, and it should change after 5 or so. Problem is he's already 98th percentile for height and he's built broadly, and sometimes he gets so thin I worry. I don't know where he finds the energy to run around as much as he does!

I'm also fairly certain that when he does start eating normally he's going to pile on weight, regardless of what he eats, because he's built exactly like my brother, and my brother was heavy until he became a teenager and shot up even more. Even now, the way my brother is built (broad) he can go from muscular to fat pretty quickly if he doesn't workout.

On the flip side DD is built like a bird (but with the appetite of a hippo). She loves food, any and all of it! Especially fruit. She's tall but tiny, with fine features. She's like DH's mother and then women of that side of the family, and I have no doubt she'll be tall and thin her whole life no matter what she eats.