Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

Children do come in different shapes and sizes. They don't come in obese.

If a child is obese, it's the parents responsibility to do the best they can. There may be nothing that can be done, due to illness or medication.

But ignoring it and pretending it's fine and will resolve itself is negligent.

Neglect and abuse are quite different.

To the poster who asked, why I don't lose weight instead of working on accepting myself the way I am: Because I don't want to. Because I am happy, healthy (believe it or not) and pleased with my appearance. I have no reason to lose weight apart from pleasing other people.

The disaster line: no being above a weight someone seemed acceptable in its own is not a disaster. It is possible to have a fulfilling life whilst being overweight. If this approach bothers you, you need to ask yourself why.

And about what my family should have done; the point I was trying to make is. They acted as many people in here recommended. It's just that weight is a very COMPLEX issue. I don't have children, but when I do the thought of how to raise them with a healthy body and mind terrifies me. I know from my own experience how difficult it is to get the balance right. I appreciate that this might not be easily understandable for a person who has always been thin.

If a child is obese, it's the parents responsibility to do the best they can. There may be nothing that can be done, due to illness or medication.

Very few children have medical conditions or take medication that cause obesity - a few do, of course. Most obese children eat too much for their level of activity. In the vast majority of cases this means most children are fed too much

Neglect & abuse are not different - Neglect is one of the categories of abuse, the others including physical, emotional, sexual

pest I am aware of that.

But some posters have already tried to derail the thread, by calling it fat shaming. So I feel the need to point out that could happen to avoid them derailing further and getting the thread deleted. Which seems o be their aim.

Herecomesthepotatoes. I'm sure you'd love new to get all wound up an disagree with you. But in principle I don't disagree with alot of what you say. Except for the Jeremy kyle bit. Really? I'm far from anything like it.

I had my son very young. Was in a very controlling relationship, my family were and are massive foodies. I comfort ate and it rubbed off on how I fed my son.

As I said, my other two kids are slim. I soon saw the effect of my sons over eating and made sure not to get into bad food habits with them. But admit I still gave in to my eldest demands for snacks etc whereas the youngest were used to the amounts they had.

Yes I feel guilty. All other aspects of my parenting are spot on, but unfortunately not so much in my sons diet.

Neglect and abuse are quite different.

No they are not.

*Children do come in different shapes and sizes. They don't come in obese.

If a child is obese, it's the parents responsibility to do the best they can. There may be nothing that can be done, due to illness or medication.

But ignoring it and pretending it's fine and will resolve itself is negligent.*

Completely this! We are beginning to see obese as a normal natural size. It simply isn't. It's storing problems up for the future.

This is a very interesting topic to me at the moment. My ds (3) is a picky eater. Hard to get veg into him and a total grazer in that he does not, no matter how we encourage him or withhold snacks, fill himself properly at mealtimes. Its very wearing to be told by such a little fellow that he is hungry later and I try to stick to saying 'no snacks, eat at mealtimes' but sometimes I cave in and offer cereal or a banana, occasionally a biscuit. I also find I am giving both little ones more sweet things (biscuits mainly) than I imagined I would, it makes them so bloody happy its hard to not let them.

My dd (1.5) on the other hand LOVES food. She literally squeals and dances when the fridge is opened. I actively have stopped eating anything myself between meals when she is around as she wants wants wants. She loves nothing more than a 3 course meal and will demolish it all. I have come back into the room after we have all left the table to find her with all our plates pulled in front of her eating everyones left overs. It has quite shocked me how different she is about food and I do worry about her ability to control her intake when Im not there to do it later. She is a lovely solid child, not even chubby yet, but has the potential to become heavy I suspect if not careful.

For context, I am and always have been very slim and a low bmi. I grew up in a house with very few snacks and home grown veg. My mum cooked everything and we had almost zero convenience food. My dh has trained for very hardcore sports (iron man, North pole, mountain climbing and boxing) so we both have a very good understanding of how nutrition works. All the women in dh's family are very overweight and everyone in my family is very slim, but eating styles are very different. My hobby is cooking so we don't eat much that isnt from scratch and a take-away is a downer for us to be honest. The kids, oh my god, are so much more complicated about food than I expected. So I can see how getting children to eat nutritious food is difficult. I do find myself avoiding making certain healthy things because of them being rejected repeatedly previously. I will fix this over time however, and I am certain they will grow to love a wide diet of healthy food like we do. I will work on this issue until that is the case as having lived in foreign countries I can see how childrens exposure to food defines what they like in the end.

I dont know where I am going with this but basically I have great sympathy for parents trying to feed children well. They are fussy by nature and on top of all the exhaustion and tantrums that comes with little ones, trying to get them to eat what you want is heartbreaking most days with many children. I guess everyone is just doing their best (within their own limitations of understanding about food and skill for preparing it) so I think 'child abuse' is definitely not right. Neglect, well there could definitely be a case for that.

Convenience and pre-packed food has a lot to answer for I believe. So simply cutting all those things out and cooking from scratch (even chicken nuggets etc.) could make a huge difference to overweight children. Its not the total problem (portion size etc) but is a huge part of it.

It is a parents responsibility to buy and prepare food for their child. So whether your child is big, small, fat or thin YOU are the one that makes the choices. If you choose to fill your house with crap food, then you've got to take responsibility for those choices.

Yes there are temptations outside the home but the main source of food is the stuff provided at home.

the thought of how to raise them with a healthy body and mind terrifies me. I know from my own experience how difficult it is to get the balance right. I appreciate that this might not be easily understandable for a person who has always been thin.

parenting is a balancing act and you never get it right. The intention of doing your best is the starting point. Most parents try their best. The yo to always get it right. Trying is what's important.

I haven't always been thin. I weight twenty stone at one point. So I do understand.

I understand the impact being over weight has on mental health as well as physical health and would never just stand by and let that happens to my children. When they are losers, I can't do much. But while it's in my control I will.

Things like taking my dd off school dinners at secondary because they are so unhealthy.

Neglect IS abuse. It is always very easy to tell on these threads who has CP training and who doesn't. Neglect is every bit as damaging as the other three categories of abuse as it erodes self esteem leaving children wide open to be targeted by all forms of abusers outside the home.

Sorry that should say 'parenting is a balancing act and you never get it right all the time'

Again it's all down to education and not just about the foods we should or should not be eating but also the real effects of obesity. I'd like to see adverts showing the reality of living with diabetes, strokes and heart attacks that are repeatedly associated with poor diet/ lack of exercise. Shock factor kind of suff just like the smoking ones with the baby in the same room, get people talking about it and let people know that it's no joke.

I don't know if anyone read about the head teacher that started the school day (primary) with a 1 mile run round the school ? That's the kind of thing that would have a good effect on the kids that don't have access to sports clubs ect, it could raise self esteem and encourage physical exercise out of school too.

I think expressions like "chunky" "chubby" "squidgy" do not help. Overweight is overweight. It doesn't become a better thing by giving it a cutesy nickname.

I am overweight. Fat. I didn't used to be, but I am nowhere near as active as I used to be either. I eat healthily but my body still wants me to eat the same as when I was constantly on the move. Plus I'm bored and have found myself with my hand in the biscuit tin too many times. I need to get my arse in gear and off the sofa.

DH isn't fat, but does have a beer belly. He eats better than I do, is more active and never snacks. He needs to cut down on the beer, but whist the rest of him looks ok he doesn't accept that he actually is overweight.

DD is perfect. Can see her ribs, has muscular arms and thighs, is average height and if she didn't have muscle weight I would expect her actual weight would be low (I don't actually know how much she weighs, we don't have scales). She can eat a lot, but she isn't a junk food eater - although she enjoys fish n chip Friday . We have a bowl on the counter that still has sweets in from Halloween. She doesn't drink anything fizzy or full of sugar (although she does like smoothies every so often). She is amazingly active - after school sports clubs 4 times a week, school sports 2 times a week. She is forever outside in the park and never walks if she can run.

It's her birthday tomorrow - her presents are a gymnastic bar set and a netball hoop and ball. (She'd asked for either a gym bar or beam). Her birthday treat is to go to a high ropes centre with a friend and her birthday party is at a swimming pool. Everything she does is active.

She has some overweight friends - none of them do sports clubs, none of them do school sports. They go to macdonalds 'as a treat' a couple of times a week. They come here and goggle at the sweets on the counter, they moan that I don't have coke to drink, they pull faces at some of my meal choices (stirfry, chilli, chunky soups or stews, fish cakes, rice dishes have all been politely declined) and I almost always end up buying pizza. All their parents call them "chunky" or "podgy" or say things like "it's puppy fat" "I can't do a thing with her" "she doesn't enjoy any sports". They say my DD is skinny or tell me I'm 'lucky to have an active kid'. She's not and I'm not. Her weight is controlled by me and her activity level is ingrained since she was a baby - we were always on the move so she had no choice. DD had one Easter Egg and one Lindt Bunny on Sunday - the bunny is still whole. Her friend had 6 eggs and a box of Malteasers - why?

I don't think it's abuse, but I don't think it's natural either. Parents need to be more proactive. A child doesn't just happen to be overweight, and it doesn't just happen overnight.

No fat shaming? References throughout to 'fatties'. Exclamations that it's 'just'caloeies in vs calories out. PP being asked why she didn't lose weight?

There's fat shaming here by the ton.

There havent been reference through out, to fatties. I certainly haven't used it. If someone has why not direct at the poster rather than label everyone as fat shaming.

Calories in vs calories out is not fat shaming.

The poster who asked why she didn't lose weight took time to point out it was a genuine question and not having a go.

GibbousHologram

Curren answered for me. I tried to couch the question kindly and it was a genuine one.

'Fatties' was used by the OP.

Science (calories in vs out) is not fat shaming.

I think your attitude shows how many people are afraid of discussing obesity for fear of being told they're offensive and that in itself is causing problems.

Haha yes, looking back it's the op using the term 'fatties'

Self confessed fattie I called myself.

i wasnt fat shaming anyone else

I didn't start this thread as a fat shaming thread and in the majority of posts I don't think it has been. i really can't keep my SN dd thin. She was born fat, had six months of low fat formula and didn't lose weight. Genetic tests finally revealed that she is missing genes that regulate metabolism and satiety, one calorie in one out doesn't balance. I try, but exercise is hard due to the mobility nature of her SN. I don't buy crap as snacks etc. The meds cause weight gain too. It's like Prada willi, in that she always hungry. Fortunately she eats fruit and veg, In fact there's not many things she doesn't like. Its wrong to say that if one person can keep their SN child thin then anyone can.

It's a shame to see the thread was taken off on a tangent by cries of 'fat shaming', although not surprising. The only surprise is that it took so long...

Helena the story in your links is absolutely dreadful and yes, it's abuse.

However, this particular thread is not about that. One third of children aged 2-15 in the UK are overweight/obese.

Discussing this important issue and whether the adults who care for those kids are abusive or not, is not fat shaming.

I don't get why people enter a thread to try to close the discussion down, by crying 'fat shamers'. It's a bit silly really imo.