Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

lala if you read the thread, the full thread. You would see that no has said its abuse or neglect in all or most cases. Simply that it's can be down to neglect.

If it's neglect, it's abuse.

Whoever said about a 5 year old in a buggy with a babies bottle that they " weren't sure if they had SN"?

Really?

Fairly obvious to me.

I do believe some of it could be metabolism related.

My DD eats the good stuff but also loves sweets, ice-cream, pizza, chips.

She eats all day sometimes..admittedly I don't feed her sweets all day but she does eat them. She isn't always super active due to muscle tone.she eats more than me quite often (yes I fill her in with fruit and good stuff too)

Yet she is 5 feet tall and 4.5 stone.

So if it can work that way for her then I am not going to deny it could be a bit the other way too and some kids pile it on more easily than others.

But yes then all the more need for teaching them about healthy eating.

Ds is slim but I know I am going to have to work hard to keep him like that. Ds's special school meals/snacks are less healthy than I would like and relatives give him treats (even when told not to) because 'it makes him happy'. Opportunities for exercise for children with sn are a lot less than those without. I can't take him to the playground after mid morning because it is too busy for him and most sports are too difficult for him or require more than one person with him. I can understand why a lot of children I know similar to my son, are overweight.

Haddock..I hear ya on the snacks. Constantly hearing DD had cakes and biscuits for snacks even though she loves fruit. Not sure why healthy eating at school seems considered less important for kids at special schools, I'd think it's even more important since some kids can pile on weight easily due to lack of exercise. However I suppose not all the kids will eat fruit.

honkinghaddock

You say you recognise you will have to "work hard to keep him [slim]" and therefore are obviously working hard as a great parent would.

If you can keep your (SN?) son at a healthy weight then other parents can too, surely. It may take more effort depending on your children, be it physical or mental disabilities or simply a propensity to eat too much, but parenting is about making the extra effort.

Herecomethepotators, you are way out of order with that comment.

"Burying your son"... For feeding him snacks?!

Talking about abuse....

Way out of line

"The thing is, when people say they have one child that's overweight but they all eat the same, obviously it means the overweight child either shouldn't be eating the same/same amount or they should be taking a lot more exercise than their siblings."

Exactly. If people mean that they give each child the same amount of food literally, then that's also wrong isn't it? People need a different amount of food based on their height, build and level of activity. A teenage girl shouldn't be eating the same portions as a teenage boy.
I remember an overweight girl saying to me as a student that she didn't understand why she was overweight as she eat sensible, home-cooked food. The thing was her plate was piled high as it would be for a 6 foot-tall man.

Herecomethepotatoes - He is my only child and I don't work so it is a lot easier for me than some parents of children with sn. I have the time to devote to keeping him fit and a partner who is available all weekend to help with that. I'm also lucky that he is not a fussy eater and naturally constantly on the go. He is also happy to go for walks which is really the only exercise available to him. The exercise/ sport opportunities for children and adults like my son is pitiful.
Fanjo - his school tend to provide a lot of stodge and beige foods because it is what most of the children will eat and half of them are residential so they have to make sure it is food they will eat.

"I once went on holiday with a good friend for 2 weeks and we ate roughly the same amount. However I lost weight and she put it on!"

That's because of the difference between how you normally eat. If she normally eats more than on holiday she would lose weight whereas you would gain if you normally eat less. I've been on holidays where I thought there was too much food and someone said that we were hardly eating! (That person was used to constant tea and biscuits).

I find it hard to maintain a low weight. But I lose on holiday though. Because I am not spending 6 hours a day sat behind a computer.

I work from home so do make sure I move round a lot. But still have to sit down to complete my work. On holiday I am always moving. In the pool or sea with the kids, walking somewhere for lunch or dinner, or even just to look around. A walk after dinner. I don't really just lay by the pool or on the beach.

I don't really change my eating either. I don't gorge because I am away.

Besides which I don't think comparing yourself to other people is helpful. My dh is about an inch shorter than me and less active. He eats loads but is still slim. If I ate like that I would be massive. His portions are huge. I don't spend time thinking I should be able to eat the same. I can't if I want to maintain a healthy weight. My weight and health is about me. Not dh. It doesn't matter what he can do.

BabyGanoush

She started by saying he is "seriously overweight". That's very different to simply feeding him snacks. There is absolutely no difference to leaving bottles of plonk around an alcoholic as there is to buying junk food and leaving it in the house with an obese child.

Harsh but justified, I'd say.

haddock I recently ran a half marathon. Whilst waiting around beforehand a young lad,around 14/15 years was also waiting around, with his dad. He obviously had SN and was constantly asking people for hugs, shouting out etc etc. I was surprised when his dad put their running numbers on and they both made their way to the start line! I thought it was really really lovely! Something they had obviously trained for and were good at (they went to the fast start pen) and enjoy doing together. Kind of made my day really

Also some days when I am on my own and he is in an aggressive mood, we don't leave the house at all so no exercise those days.

I think feeding kids shite all day is neglectful, lazy parenting whatever the size of the kid. There is unhealthy skinny too.

So the skinny kids downing Coke all day are storing up problems for the future.

That said, there are so many more plump kids around - I'm not talking slightly obese - but just plump. And you hear the "it's all about moderation" shite all the time.

But that seems to mean sugary shit every day, on top of meals. For us as kids, moderation meant once a week or at parties

I don't think some parents realise how much shit their children consume. My middle child was looking a bit plump last year and when I sat down - really sat down - and looked at the juice here and the biscuit there and the constant, constant snacking, I realised she was consuming too much sugar, every single day.

She wasn't overweight by any means BTW.

My kids were all fine when little.... But once they are teens and have their own money I find they start to make the wrong choices. My adult dd is now trying to lose the weight and has joined the dieting revolution merry go round !

Wow, reading this thread has been very emotional for me.

I'm far and have been for as long as I can remember.
During my youth I have been the victim of many well-meaning adults (including my parents) who tried to restrict my food intake and up my excercise.
I want through periods of half-heartedly dieting and demonstratively pigging out, forgetting my pe kit and sitting on my arse whilst "playing out" (you can send me outside, but you cannot make me move."
It took me until my early 20s to define myself by my fatness. I'm thankful that certain posters weren't my parents. I remember my lovely (!) grandmother telling me I couldn't have seconds whilst re-filling my sister's plate. I'm sure many of the fatshamers on here would agree with her, but to me it felt like a punishment for being undesirable (and led to me sneaking food later).
I often think about what would have helped me, but a first step would have been to not great me like a problem that needed to be fixed.
About 8 years in I have stopped trying to lose weight. Doing that has made me leaner ( I don't know if I've lost any weight, I don't own scales), fitter (I excercise for fun not because I must) and healthier (when I allow myself everything, chocolate is still delicious but not my beacon of rebellion).
I am telling you this because before you decide to tackle your child weight problem, please remember that health I more than the number on the scales. Your children will still be the amazing people they are, even if they are fat.

To clarify: it took me until my early twenties to NOT define myself by my fatness.

There has been not fat shaming. Discussing weight and its implications is not fat shaming.

I am sorry your family went about it the wrong way. That does not mean that tackling your child's weight is wrong. It means that you have to try and do it in the right way.

No one has said you can't be an amazing person if you are over weight. Being over weight from childhood has massive health and mental health implications for that child's future. No one has said or even hinted being an over weight child or adult makes you less of a person.

I haven't seen a single fat shaming post, someone. Where are they?

"I often think about what would have helped me, but a first step would have been to not greet me like a problem that needed to be fixed.".

Being fat is a problem though. The person isn't but their weight and refusing to acknowledge it as being a problem is a massive issue in our (and many other) countries.

While you may not have appreciated your grandmother's behaviour, what should she have done? Your family tried to get you to play outside but your would sit down and refuse to move. When that failed, your grandmother said you shouldn't eat second portions. It's not the lovey-dovey parenting that's failing many of the current generation, but I'd suggest it was the tough-love (with the emphasis on love) that was needed.

In your post, there's an obvious lack of answers as to what would have helped you, just finger-pointing and telling us what failed.

What should your grandmother have done? Given you seconds or told your sister that she wasn't allowed any either?

I think child abuse is a strong accusation. These parents don't mean to harm their children even if they actually are. Same with owners of fat pets. I know of a boy who is 9 and seriously fat . I see him eat daily and I see the common factor with other fat chn, a serious interest in food quantity aka greed. That's the difference, not necessarily what they eat but how much. they lack portion control and that must be taught by parents.

edit:

"it took me until my early twenties to NOT define myself by my fatness."

Why not lose weight instead? A genuine and not deliberately offensive question.

I agree with curren.

I have skipped some of the posts this morning but as far as I am aware no one has tried to suggest that your size makes you any less of a person. I do think, and I say this because I look after young children, that children very quickly compare themselves to one another, from around the age of 3/4yrs, and the children that are bigger not only find playing games and running around harder but their confidence takes a knock too. For parents to see that but not do anything about it is very neglectful.

Feeding a child shouldn't be about what's easy, but what's healthy. And there are an abundance of healthy children's recipes out there.

I've not rtft but I think rather than shouting child abuse we should think about why it happens.

So many people are leaving home and having children with no clue about budgeting, food shopping and cooking. It needs to be taught better in schools and be called life skills or similar, they could teach it alongside cv writing, interview skills, basic diy etc.

I used to teach a similar course at the local sure start centre until the funding was withdrawn. It was popular and I really think the students went away with something.